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This is crazy… help please!

1K views 8 replies 6 participants last post by  Curls  
#1 ·
Our 13 week cavapoo is quite confusing at times. Please explain this for me!
I take care of her needs and she sees me as her safe place, or so I think.
When she sees my adult daughter, she wags her tail and wants her. But then cowers to the floor when approaching her. My daughter can hold her and she seems calm but continually looking for me.
why?????
why does she act excited but then cowers to the ground?
if I’m holding her, she pushes her body up against my neck and arms if my daughter tries to take her….. but then seems to want her.
sometimes it makes me think she wants my daughter more by her excitement.
I’m confused!
(My hubby and son are not home much so she sniffs them and runs back in my direction. Curious but not interested.)
 
#2 ·
There's some more information on this here -


But I think you need to look more at her body language. A wagging tail (especially if it's little twitchy wags) can mean ”I'm a bit scared, look I'm not a threat to you so don't hurt me”.

My daughter can hold her and she seems calm
Or, maybe she is doing a rabbit in the headlights thing - ”if I stay very still and quiet, the universe won't notice me”.

I think she is more nervous of your daughter than you think so I'd definitely get your daughter to stop holding her. It sounds to me like that's making your puppy quite uncomfortable. How old is your daughter BTW?

For the next two weeks, I'd suggest your daughter ignores her. Completely. Not even eye contact, because to a dog, direct eye contact is very intimidating. Also, she should position herself so she is never between your dog and her safe place (bed etc) or escape route (door from the room).

Then she can try taking some lovely treats and tossing them past your dog, so she has to go away from her to get them. I realise that sounds counterintuitive but it helps her build a positive conditioned emotional response (google +CER for the science if you are interested) without having to get too close. That could make her feel quite conflicted - she wants the treat but has to approach a scary person to get it. This way she gets a powerful win-win by getting the treat and getting the distance from your daughter.

After a number of days of doing that, your daughter can put one of the treats on the floor, about 18 inches from her feet. See what your puppy does. If she darts in, takes the treat, and goes off, then she isn't ready yet for this stage. So, as with anything in dog training, go back to the previous step for a bit longer.

When she takes the treat from the floor and eats it there, your daughter can do that for a few days. Still no eye contact.

Once she has been taking the treat from the floor happily for a number of days, your daughter can offer one from her hand, but again see how your dog reacts. Any lack if confidence (taking it and stepping back) again is a sign she isn't ready, so back up a step for longer. And still no eye contact.

Once she is comfortable taking treats from your daughter's hand (and I mean really comfortable) she can try petting her, but using the five second rule.

She can stroke the dog for five seconds (some dogs prefer you avoid the head) then stop. Only if your dog initiates further contact by nudging her or similar, she can continue for another five seconds then stop again. She should continue only for as long as your dog keeps asking. That gives your puppy control and in turn that will build her confidence around your daughter because she knows she can make it stop at any time.

Expect this to take weeks, or even months depending on the dog. But don't be tempted to rush it, take it at her pace.
 
#3 ·
I agree with JoanneF. It sounds like your pup might be nervous of your daughter. The confusing friendly signals might be appeasement attempts rather than requests for attention. Cavaliers tend to be very social and non-aggressive. Therefore, where another nervous dog might growl to tell your daughter to back off, a Cav is more likely to go into cute overload mode: "I'm just a harmless little darling, no need to hurt me." Along with what JoanneF has said about the five second rule, I would have a rule that your daughter does not attempt to touch the dog unless the dog has clearly solicited the attention. By that, I mean the dog has approached your daughter with no coaxing and, ideally, touched her with a paw or nose. If the dog dances backwards when your daughter offers a hand, that is a clear No.
 
#4 ·
Thank you for all the advice!!!
My daughter is 23. She works with dogs and knew my puppy before we got her.
she wags her tail and wiggles her entire bum and will try to get out of my arms to see my daughter. While on her, she licks her face, relaxes, BUT is ALWAYS mindful of where I am. When the pup is on the floor, she wiggles her bum and cowers to see my daughter but then is like “where’s mom?”. She goes to my husband, smells him, barks at him then runs to me. Just confused at all this.
 
#5 ·
There's no need for confusion about what the dog is feeling. You say the dog wiggles her bum and cowers to see your daughter. This is very clear language. The dog is threatened in some way by your daughter, and you don't really need to know why in order to make this better. It's not your daughter's fault, nor necessarily anything your daughter has done "wrong" or anything like that. It's just how this little dog is feeling and that has to be respected in order for it to change.

The above advice you have received is excellent, and is exactly what I would have said. The only confusion here is that you are misinterpreting the body language from the dog. If you follow the advice given by @JoanneF this will very likely improve.

Your daughter needs to allow this dog to come to her, and to do so on the dog's own terms and in the dog's time. She shouldn't give the dog any attention at all unless the dog directly solicits it, as described by @Curls . But this may take some time, and patience is needed.
 
#8 ·
There obviously is something about your daughter that puts your dog off, perhaps unintentional body language, something she smells or??? As I would expect, the advice given you by @JoanneF is right on target. Just don't expect anything dramatic to change over night or in a short period of time. Conditioning is a very slow process and has to move at the dogs pace, which will in all likelihood not coincide with your desired pace.
 
#9 ·
Face licking is often an appeasement gesture. Tail wagging is often an appeasement gesture. You might want to track down a copy of a book called Canine Behavior A Photo Illustrated Handbook by Barbara Handelman. It has many photos and descriptions of canine body language. There are many signals that even people who have lived with dogs and who think they know dog body language will often miss. A single raised paw, a yawn, an approach with a curved body: these are important forms of dog body language that many humans don't recognize.