I know your pain. I am going through the same thing with a friend of mine.

 

I think you have done right to try to educate her but I am not sure I'd tell her outright she sucked. Maybe just encourage her that you won't judge her if she finds a new home??? If she gets mad at/offended by you you are going to create a weird situation at work AND she will lose access to the one person who might be able to educate her.

 

She's not going to rehome him. Her son loves him too much but her son is only 7 so it's not like HE can take care of the dog. The other two kids are too old to care and too young to do anything. It's all on her and her husband and her husband couldn't care less about the dog. She claims she loves him but every effort results in "Yeah, I need to do that" but doesn't actually do it.

 

see i kind of doubt the kid really loves him that much. my kids fawn over my dog a good 10 minutes out of the day and after that it is back to ME ME ME. I think he'd cry for a solid 10 minutes and then be over it...except at holidays when he felt perhaps a tear about that dog mom gave away might result in a gift upgrade. When we got our dog and he was a fresh wee puppy my kids were telling me to get the dog away from them so they could play Pet Pals...a video game about caring for pets LOL

 

LOL on the dog living long enough for him to take it with him..

As for the food tell her about the red dye...red dye#40..say it is bad for the dog and can be bad for the kids if they eat any.. She can google it.

Do you think she would use a kennel if given one?

You can also ask her how her son would feel to see the dog dead? Without proper training the dog can get into some dangerous situations which can cause death. Besides death for medical issues..infestation of worms causing malnutrition. You can say you feel her son would have a harder time with a death then finding the dog a new home if she just does not have the time. It is the best thing for the dog and her kids.

 

She has a kennel. He's in there the entire work day (WAY too long). No break out. When he gets out he's nuts (which is understandable). He also has an "excercise" pen she keeps him in when they're home. If not he pees and poops everywhere. I spent a LONG time talking to her about ingridients..even emailed her the info and sat there with her and read it, explained it..basically hand fed it. She said omg, that's terrible I can't believe I'm feeding him that... A week later when I asked she said yeah, but it's cheap. The vet..sure he needs to go, he also needs to be fixed. Unless I pay for it (which I wouldn't do), she probably will never get around taking him. I guess she doesn't see it as a priority. To me, if I don't have the money to care for a dog, then I wouldn't have one. We spent over 3000 dollars on our last dog just to find out he was dying. To her that was outrageous. Like I said she had no idea puppies lose their teeth, need them brushed, ears cleaned, nails trimed, socialized, etc. Nothing. I'm sure the dog could be a good dog if in the right home..
Posted via Mobile Device

 

I have a client that was the same way. Never owned a dog in her life. Did not know the first thing about it.

How about "You do know kids can get worms from dogs if they are not dewormed?"

also..."You do know if he ever bites someone they will put him in quarantine and you have to pay the fee?"

I am trying to think of worse things then training or taking to the vet..

 

It frustrates me to hear stories like this, but I know that, while there are SO many people who love their pets and do their absolute best to care for them (informed pet-owners like the members of dogforum, for example!) there are so many others who think "i'm feeding the dog, the dog has water, that's it, right?"

It is SUCH a responsibility to care for a pet well, but every pet deserves good care. Not only that, but it saves so much pain in the long run! (My ex-boyfriend's dog had to have every tooth in her head removed because her teeth were never brushed and she never had chew toys).

It sounds like your friend just doesn't realize how much time and effort she should be putting into her dog's care. It's a shame. I'd say just continue with your little helpful hints and maybe some of it will rub off on her.

 

Well the cooked chicken bones did "stick". But then she asked me recently if he can get a cooked turkey leg. Umm no! Have you ever seen how those splinter?!
I just get frustrated when people don't make an effort to educate themselves. I'd be embarassed and want to find out by myself FIRST.
Like you said Swirltail. He's got food and water. He must be fine. Its ridiculous and I'd much rather help her find a new home for him but...
As far as telling her those things LynneMarie.. I tried but she says things like oh I don't think he has worms, oh he doesn't go outside so he'll be fine, he won't bite anyone etc. She is not dumb. She's a smart individual in all OTHER aspects but when it comes to this, nothing! No matter how many things I've said to her. She called me once asking what she can do with potty training. We spent hours talking about it. The next few days I asked her how its going she says "oh he's slow, he just doesn't get it and I didn't have the time". I want to just be like "why in the world do you have a dog!!!" I am not a person that can hold my tongue too long and I'm afraid I'm just going to go off next time she complains about something I've already told her how to fix.
Posted via Mobile Device

 

That may be what it takes. I have had to get stern with some clients. I did not care if they stop coming here or not. I just could not take the way they were treating their dog any more. They were complaining about this and that. I simply told them if they didn't do this and that then the dog would not do what it was doing. I basically shifted the blame from the dog onto them. Which is true..How we train or not train is our fault not the dogs.

 

Honestly at this point I would give her the cold hard brutal truth. My personal opinion is that if people can't handle the truth then though, but then again I tend to be a cold harded person who dosen't like cleaning up after people who ignore the kind advice I had given them in the first place.

My first steps would have been to give her a basic dog care & training book, give her the info for a good vet & trainer in the area, and show her what to look for in a decent food. But it already sounds like you've done all that at this point. Sadly sometimes people need a good dose of reality before they realize how delusional they've become.

I feel your pain though. As soon as people find out I'm a vet tech they always come running for free advice that they never want to take. I always tell people that if they are conncered enough to ask me then it's conerning enough to consult with their vet. For some reason it seems the people who's dogs are in the most need of seeing the vet, are also the people least likely to take my advice and at least call their vet.

I had my uncle call me once on New Years Eve to ask for advice about their dog. Keep in mind I rarely ever talk to my uncle and it was almost midnight right before the bal was about to drop. My uncles dog was aparently lethargic, hidding in the bathroom, not eating, refusing to move, and had occasional vomiting since the day before. I told him that they needed to get the dog in ASAP, and that at minimum the dog was in a good amount pain/discomfort. He reluctanly said he would call the vet right after midnight. But guess what happened when I called the next moring to find out what the vet did for their dog? Not only did he not bring the dog in, they didn't even call the vet! Their dog ended up passing a walunt that morning, about an hour before I called to check up on them, and he was starting to get better. My uncle was very lucky that his dog survived his ordeal; but I told him with a few choice words that aren't allowed here to never call me ever again for any animal related advice and to glue his vets phone number on his fridge so he wouldn't forget the number for the only person left who was willing to discuss his pets care with him. Turns out the next time his dog needed help he called his vet. It's no fun having to be the bad guy, but sometimes tough love is necesary for the welfare of the pet.

 

Yeah, you guys are right. I just can't be "nice and understanding" anymore. Not only is it not part of my nature to pretend, but this particular issue hits home. We spoil our dog rotten, socialize them, take them with us, always put their welfare first and we have always had great, loving well behaved dogs. Not because we were lucky but because we put the effort in.
Posted via Mobile Device

 

This dog is a fair representative of about half (or more) of the dogs we see in rescue. At some point the husband will freak out over the poop and pee, or they will get new carpet and realize the dog will have to go. He will be five years old, no vaccinations, fat from carbohydrates, not socialized to other dogs, good with children, no training digs his long nails into your skin, constant yapping. It will take two weeks to two months to put the dog in order.

Whatever you do, do not adopt the dog yourself. Do not rehome the dog yourself. Give her the number of chihuahua rescue in your area. And, stop talking about the dog, this is not good for your relationship.

 

I've found that I cannot fix willful ignorance.

I've ran into the type of person you are talking about. He is my Aunt's husband, and he had a female Chi. The Chi had food and water, I'm not sure about vet care but I know she was never spayed. She was never socialized, never house trained, never taken for a walk, barely ever left the house. She was very, very fearful and aggressive because she was so afraid, her philosophy was bite first. She spent probably 90% of her time in her kennel, in a room by herself. I don't know why he had her, why he didn't give her away, he had her before he married my Aunt. My Aunt didn't like the dog and he ended up moving it to his sisters where it lived the same like as it had lived with him. Lovely life right? Her life ended just about as tragically as it was lived, Aunt's hubby called me one day asking which vet I took my dog to. Apparently the Chi was very, very sick. He took her to the vet and it turned out she had pyrometra (sp?). Honestly I can't remember if she died from that or from mammary cancer, but I do know she died shortly after that call.

Then there's my neighbor who let their Yorkie live a life of misery from chronic eye infections, skin infections, and bad teeth. I helped as best I could but I just can't fix that kind of uncaring.

Best thing is that my Aunt's husband and my neighbors do not currently have any dogs nor are they considering getting any.

Some people just don't care, some people refuse to see what they are doing is neglect, some people refuse to realize that dogs are feeling creatures, and we can't fix people who are like that.

 

I don't really know how else to help her. I offered every piece of advice I could, even gave her a dogs 101 book along with other stuff like training coupon. I've even looked up free neuter info for her so she can get him fixed.

Well, I thought I've been around my share of clueless owners.... He's alive still, so I guess she got that part right. :eyeroll: Anyways....

I was going to suggest education, ie an [easy to read] dog book like Puppy Primer and just continuing to try to train (ie mean, teach) her. But I see you've already tried that to no avail. How frustrating for you.

I guess at some point (now, for the sake of the pup) you have to be plain and clear about the situation. I'd tell her it if they love the dog they'll give it a chance to have a good life which is not going to happen with them. I'd also give her the contact information to local rescues. If she still doesn't listen and you know any of her other friends/family, I'd go to them, so there is pressure on many sides.

Honestly, I would care less about the relationship being strained when the dog is being neglected. I threatened my own grandmother that I'd turn her in for animal neglect....

 

Wild, there's no way on Earth I'd bring that dog into my home. I hope I don't sound terrible saying this but there's just NO WAY that's happening even if she paid me to.

1. We are 1 dog people. It's what we can afford (money, time, etc) and we know that.
2. We are not "little" dog people...no offense to little dogs (or their people).
3. We have Nyla and she doesn't need that in HER home.
4. Way too many issues and I don't have the time\patience\liking\money to fix her issues. I feel bad for the dog, yes. Bad enough to take him in myself? No.

So with that said, that's not happening. I would help her find him a good home. I've helped her with tips, coupons, full on lessons, getting her info, whatever she needed. Did it help? No.

As of right now, she can't possibly be a "real" friend. She's someone from work who has shown me a side I do not like. I can't have those type of people as my friends therefore I could care less about the friendship part. Co-worker part, yes.

Rain, I can't quote you because I'm on my phone, but you made a great point.

"I've found that I cannot fix willful ignorance."

I don't mind people who don't like dogs. Dogs don't like them either, they don't get dogs therefore don't treat them bad. They can't be my "friends" either because we can't relate but I REALLY can't be friends who love dogs but not enough to properly care for them.

Crock...it's really frustrating. I've given her so much help I should be freaking paid by now. Really. What other person do you know who is willing to call the humane society for you, ask what options I have for free or discounted vet care, get their info, refer them and send her an email with it. Has she made an appointment ? No.

I honestly just give up. I'm more so venting here because I know what the ultimate answer is. Give up!
Posted via Mobile Device

 

It's not your problem, so it is your right to give up. You have made an extraordinary effort to make a change. I could hope that you don't give up on trying to help this dog, but if you're at your limit, I don't think anyone would judge you.

 

here's my tuppence worth....
Is this your business? Their business? or God's business.

If it aint yours, butt out.
Unless it cruelty that would be chargeable of course!

 

Ok got to admit i don't brush my dog teeth, got everything else coverd.

 

I had the same issue with my aunt. She had two pugs and this little pomeranian/poodle thing. They were all in pretty poor shape-- one of the pugs had demodex, they all had HORRID teeth, they CONSTANTLY scrapped, she never groomed the poodle mix (it matted and stinky), they all had ear infections, they were all fed Purina puppy chow for the duration of their life and the pugs were allergic, none were completely house trained, weren't EVER walked outside..... it was never ending.
Then they thought they had to move! Soooo they re-homed one of their pugs to a relative- an excellent home. The one pug they kept and the last I decided to take and re-home because my uncle would actually physically abuse it (kick it across the floor, scream at it etc). Keeping in mind that this dog weighed 4-5 pounds.
I took her and taught her to go outside, groomed/bathed her, scaled her teeth (were perfectly white when I was done with her), switched her over to high quality food, trimmed her nails and after a few months started searching for the perfect home. I found an amazing lady and she even signed a contract stating that she would return her to me if she couldn't keep her at some point in her life.
She now lives an AMAZING life (with no other dogs) with her elderly owner very close to me.
I just couldn't handle seeing it anymore. I HAD to do something.
Regrettably they still have the one pug but my uncle favoured that dog so at least it isn't being abused...
Good luck... sounds like you need it.

 

You are banging your head against the wall with this one, and getting yourself upset to boot.
I'd tell her, if she brings it up, that you don't want to talk about it. If asks why, give her all the reasons, tell her she never listens and just gives you lip service.
I feel for the poor little Chi, but you can't help those that don't want help.
Again, best not to talk to her about her Chi.

 

Yea you guys are right. Rotten, I just want to point out I'm not the one that acctually brings this up. She has always been the one to complain or ask questions.

I'll take your advice though and leave it alone.
Posted via Mobile Device

 

I love that saying...."Poop or get off the pot" okay so not the correct first word.
Do something or shut up about it...not you, what you can say to her. People piss me off. I finally get to a point where I tell someone I do not want to hear any more because they are doing nothing about it anyway.

On a positive note..At least they do not eat there dogs..I lived next to a family from another country who would get a new puppy every new year. They were always chow mixes. I never saw them eat them but they did have a pit in their back yard. One year I volunteered to vaccinate the puppy in hopes they would think I contaminated it. Not sure what happened..they moved.

 

LynneMarie; now that's crazy! Geez! LoL
Posted via Mobile Device

 

Eh, other cultures and all. I mean, we get upset about people eating dogs because they are smart and affectionate and lovable, right? So are pigs. Actually, pigs may be smarter than dogs. And they are cute, lovable and affectionate. But they are also tasty and most of us eat pigs. So, I say live and let live.

As far as the co-worker, you mention her and the kids but I don't remember seeing anything about a husband. If she has a husband/SO or whatever that lives in is there any chance you can educate him and get him to make changes for the good of the dog?

 

No way. They aren't in a good spot in their marriage and he is completly detached from the dog or any situations for that matter. So he's not an option.
Posted via Mobile Device

 

Given that I don't actually know what's going on and only have one side of the story, but honestly, if I knew nothing about dogs and received a puppy - I would be overwhelmed. All that advice, all the information out there - it can be intimidating, especially for those of us who can be perfectionist or have high expectations of ourselves. And if you have anything else going on in your life (i.e., bad marriage, being depressed, hyper children, etc...), trying to tackle a new project is exhausting and most of us respond by ignoring it. And puppies are nothing if not a project and half.

Now, given that, I think you're right and she shouldn't have gotten a dog and needs some tough love. And in no way should you feel responsible if something happens to the puppy, nor do you have to feel like giving out advice when so much of it is ignored. You have obviously done everything you could for her and tried to help her out in the best way possible.

The only thing I would tell her at this point is she needs to pick 1 issue with the puppy (i.e., potty training or being calm in the house or walking him on a regular basis or teaching her son how to train the dog to heel and walking him indoors) and focus on that for a month or more. That way, if she is feeling overwhelmed, that narrows down the list of things to work on into a manageable piece.

But it is people like her that make me shy away from being a dog trainer - I love training them and don't want people to ruin the experience!