It does sound like you are doing all the right things. It might help to know what it was that spooked her?


We have some members with experience of very fearful and shut down dogs so hopefully they will be able to chip in with some suggestions.

Tagging @StormyPeak @CachetheBC and @Curls. Apologies to others if I've missed them out.

 

Thank you for a quick response! We aren't 100% sure on what caused the spook, possibly a noise we didn't hear at just the wrong moment? It was also dark which likely didn't help either. She rushed through the doorway very suddenly and slipped on the tiles so I'm sure was quite unsettled by the whole experience - we've put down some mats by the door now to hopefully prevent further slipping 🤞

 

One of the first things to keep in mind:

It is very important that anyone who has contact with her uses positive training methods only - and has a thorough understanding of fearful dog behavior, and dog body language.

For now, I would agree you are on the right path - give her as much time and space as she needs. She needs time to learn to trust (earning a dog's trust is a process), and that she has a choice, allow her (as much as possible) to do the approaching and initiate interactions that she is able to offer and reward her for it. If she is so stressed that she is unable or unwilling to take treats (stress suppresses appetite), try gently tossing the food and turning/walking away, perhaps soft words, gentle praise may be what you need to start with.

 

Thank you, it's great to hear that we are heading in the right direction, and we will make sure we only approach for essentials (i.e. food, water, going outside) and have a thorough discussion with the trainer on their methods.

A glimmer of positivity today is that while we were in the kitchen she opted to sit up to watch us (recently she would just stay lying down) so we threw her a few pieces of chicken and she was very receptive so we had a nice few minutes of gently tossing her chicken while we cooked dinner and she was happily sniffing around for them in her little safe zone as we faffed about ☺ baby steps, baby steps

 

Absolutely!! Baby steps are so important!!

This website may be helpful to you: Fearful, shy, anxious & aggressive dogs & animals | education & training (fearfuldogs.com)

 

Much quicker out the door today on both our walks with our neighbours dog, still a bit uncomfortable about getting harness on/off but she comes out of her safe space to sit for it to be done, so it seems friendly dog is a bigger motivator than her anxiety over us being close to her. She also managed to eat some cheese on our morning walk while we practised some recall so that was a success 🙌 she was then very receptive to more cheese/sausage pieces being tossed her way in the safe space after her walks and ventured a couple of tiny steps off her blankets to reach some of the pieces that were poorly aimed.

She's such a different dog once you get out the door, despite her anxiety she really seems to enjoy being out and about, sniffing everything she can find and copes shockingly well with strangers walking past us etc. She has happily gone off on longer walking routes than our neighbour without a backward glance as they head a different direction. So we have hope that continuing the walks will help with our general bonding while she's still uncomfortable in the house 🤞

 

I think your dog is still in the decompression stage, and has been under stress that perhaps you didn't know was deeper than you thought...so whatever startled her, was a stress event that kind of 'broke' the tension....and she might just be exhausted from trying to deal with it for over a week.

Now, she's just needing a safe spot to curl up and not deal with it. And I think you are doing the right thing in allowing her that and not trying to get her to engage as much as possible with anything she doesn't want to do.

I took in a 5 1/2 to 6 year old dog that was pretty much feral, due to her prior owner just having her tied up in a back yard with zero contact with other dogs, humans, no shelter, and beatings with a piece of tie down chain, or a piece of board when she slipped her collar or tie down and wouldn't come to him and he chased her down to catch her and tie her back up. He had only 1 neighbor but they saw what he did, and they were afraid of him, so no help could be done for the dog. He abandoned her, she ended up in a kill shelter, but was taken in by a rescue org the same day. Then I ended up with her.

Her name was Jaya, and from what I read of your dog, I think you are going to have one that will eventually enjoy being touched and petted. And at this point in her life, I think it's great that you are giving her space to just sort things out in her head and emotionally.

Given that she's younger and never knew the pain of being beat by the only human that existed in her life...she will, I think, turn to you as a source of comfort. But she will need time...and time, for a dog like that is essential. Give her the time to decompress and when she is with you on walks or when she joins you in another room...don't, at first lavish much attention on her...don't make her your focus...because that might make her nervous. Acknowledge that you see her, and let her adjust to you. Then perhaps a few months down the road, you can talk to her a little more and see how she reacts.

Jaya never let me reach out an pet her, but she learned to eat from my hand, and to not jump up and run if I shifted in a chair, or stood up. It took about 4 years to get to that point....and it made my heart so happy to be able to walk past her as she was laying down on the living room floor and she didn't flinch, or tense up. During the last 2 years of her life, she even decided she wanted to go on car rides with me and my golden retriever, AU. I had her for about 8 years, so she reached a good old age for a larger dog. I put her to sleep last October, the 21st. So it's been about a week over a year now.

Enjoy your rescue and enjoy the fact that most dogs just give out their love and trust very easily...but some of those that had a hard start on life, without a lot of socialization....you have to Earn their trust and love...they don't easily gift it to people.

But it makes that love and trust even more special because of it.

Stormy

 

I agree I think that makes a lot of sense! At first she was coping and knew what was expected from her previous training with the rescue so seemingly was doing well, but we didn't have any genuine trust/confidence built up so the instant something went wrong there wasn't a foundation of good experiences there for her to fall back on. We are hopeful that in the long term she will warm up and bond well, as on walks she will seek out contact and neck scritches when there's a buddy dog there for confidence.

It sounds like Jaya was very fortunate to find you and enjoy some peace later in her life, thank you for sharing.

 

Rescue dogs are really special and require some special patience. She is lucky to have found you.

 

Another baby step today - she took food (cheese, liver and chicken) from us on both of our walks (including the solo evening walk where we go for a longer route than our "house-leaving buddy") which meant we could practise some training of sit/down/paw/recall!

Kept it very short recalling her between the two of us and asking for easy things that she knows really well for a confidence boost. She had a lovely relaxed happy tail most of the time as well ☺ we might not be ready to explore or interact in the house but I'm glad that walks seem to be her happy place.

 

Happy update: we've been building up the process of going on walks, putting harness and lead on before our friend arrives etc.

Plus have had the trainer who worked with her at the rescue visit and help us with our body language (it seems we were being "too cautious" in a way that looked worried and was actually working against us - oops!) and giving some tips for next steps as she builds confidence to help us break it down. He seemed a bit old school but all of the methods he suggested were R+ based and he was clear that the second she stops taking treat is when the session ends which feels like a good thing. We likely won't be ready to join his usual classes for a while but we did find it beneficial having someone who knows her so well and could see the changes in her body language in response to what we were doing.

Since then for the last couple of days we have been much happier with our harness going on and even made it out the door before our friend arrived! We're still going to do walks with her friend as it's the highest value reward for her, but it's such a relief being able to get her up and out on our own occasionally too

Still not exploring the rest of the house yet but she definitely seems more curious in our general activities and sits up more often to watch us.

 

They come into our lives to share those lessons we can learn from no one else.

It is not the destination but the journey that matters.

So good to hear, she is making such wonderful progress!!

 

It's great to hear she's doing better.

Plus have had the trainer who worked with her at the rescue visit and help us with our body language (it seems we were being "too cautious" in a way that looked worried and was actually working against us - oops!) and giving some tips for next steps as she builds confidence to help us break it down.

You have also highlighted why it can be really helpful to consult with a good trainer or behaviorist to solve problems. Sometimes the issue is that the humans are giving mixed messages or missing signals from the dog. An outside observer with the right skills can spot those mistakes better than you can while you're in the thick of things.

 

We are now reliably getting out on walks again and have been able to shift back into our preferred daily routine Very happy with her progress in that area and we've started to see a bit of a tail wag and some anticipation (dare I say... a hint of excitement?!) when we get her harness out for walks! Yesterday she even stood up and moved forwards off her safe zone for a second, before she thought better and plonked herself back on her blankets again 😅 She still doesn't like the act of having it put on but she will now accept occasional treats while we do it, so hopefully it won't take her too long to get slightly more comfortable about it 🤞

She also now has a second safe zone! Unfortunately this didn't happen due to growing confidence, our neighbours two doors down set off fireworks a few days ago which terrified her - after a while of being curled up and trembling she became so scared she finally moved out of her safety zone and away from the garden door into the living room (where there is another space set up for her). Obviously not the way we wanted it to happen, but after the first couple of days where she was generally very unsettled after the fireworks, she does now seem fairly comfortable moving between the two. We just reward her wherever she is and occasionally leave treats between them to encourage interest in any other areas.

It's great she feels she can move around and is less "trapped" in that zone, though it means we have to be much more mindful of our approach towards her as she's quick to move away if we do something "wrong". This is obviously good for her to feel she can move if she's uncomfortable with anything that's going on, and we will continue to work on our body language/counter conditioning etc. It also means when she stays and accepts treats etc now it feels more like genuine interest/willingness compared to her just not being able to get out of the situation.

Out on walks she's a totally different story, very resilient to new experiences, enjoys a bit of obedience training and absolutely loves meeting up with our friends in the park to play - she's even been happily approaching (and recently taking some treats from) the owners of our more regular playmates, and can be quite demanding for affection.

 

That sounds like good steady progress.

 

Taking a moment to enjoy the fact she made a choice to settle by the sofa while we watched some TV this evening 🥹 she did get up when we first came over (as expected) but instead of relocating to her other spot in the kitchen like usual, she walked back and forth a little and then decided to come and lie down by the sofa!

Just about managed to stop ourselves from reacting in the moment 😅

 

That's lovely. Baby steps ...

 

You sound like the kind of patient and gentle owners a shy dog like this needs. I'm so glad she found you.

 

Some ups and down in the last couple of weeks:

- had a slight regression with my partner, becoming more fearful of him, especially in the dark so I had to do all of our early/late walks for a bit. This is thankfully improving again after doing some group walks with both of us and him doing more daytime walks where she's more confident

- today in the morning she got so excited when I came home that she did a proper play bow and was wagging her tail so much her body shook! She even took a couple of steps off her safety mat to sniff me in greeting 🥰

- from her living room safe spot she has also now approached the sofa to sniff my hand hanging over the edge 🥺

- we also managed to go in the car for an adventure! 5 mins down the road to a lovely big common and she had a lovely time! Initially overwhelmed and anxious about the car journey but regulated and calmed really nicely once we were walking. Big success! 🤩 We've planned a couple more outings to meet friends at more local places for fun adventures with a buddy dog.

- we have been attempting to desensitize/counter condition nail trimming, sadly not seeing any progress and her food motivation is especially low at the moment - mostly she sees the clippers and runs away immediately 😕 it's tricky as her nails desperately need doing, but I don't want to traumatise her by having to trap her to do it! My partner can't really help for now as she's not as comfortable with him... Currently weighing up the pros and cons of just taking her to a groomer (we have one we can walk to) or the vet to be done - any thoughts and opinions welcome in this area??
Should I just go for it myself and take the hit in her confidence in me, or do I get a stranger to do it and probably make the experience more stressful but potentially reduce the impact on our own relationship? Or do I somehow persuade our vet to prescribe us a situational medication? Or even knock her out to do it (this option seems extreme as she's non-aggressive, just very scared)? Due to her low food motivation and engagement recently I think we would also struggle to teach her to use one of the scratching boards sadly.

Just one of those frustrations of life with an anxious dog 🙄

 

I really admire your patience and dedication with this dog. Perhaps chat with your vet and see what she thinks. Does the rescue have a groomer they use?

 

She's such a lovely character, it's just incredibly rewarding to see glimpses of it coming through 🥰 though I have to admit we've had a few moments of weakness where we considered adopting another older/more confident dog as a companion for her to speed up the process, as she really does change when another dog is around...

We have left a message with the vet to get back to us - I think I'd like to avoid taking her there for the trim itself as I'd like to avoid too much negative association with vet/car for now, but hopefully they can give some advice as you suggest.

The rescue had their handler do it and apparently she was always nervous so they just did them as quickly as possible, and she couldn't run away while in her kennel...

 

As part of the desensitisation for nail clipping, you can clip dry spaghetti to get her accustomed to the sound.

 

Thank you that's a great idea! I'll add that to our desensitisation steps for sure

 

It is not the destination, but the journey that matters.

Thank you for sharing your journey, it is so heartwarming, it has brought back so many memories, (and a few tears - and that is okay) of the most amazing journey I traveled with my abused rescued boy. It is not a straight forward path, there will be successes, celebrate them no matter how tiny they may be, there will be setbacks, (keep trying!), much like the layers of an onion, as each layer of hardship slowly peels away, there may be more struggles to overcome, but keep trying!! Believe in yourself, believe in your pup - you can do this and your lives will be so much richer for it.

Charlie came to me with a history of abuse, the scars on his body, the damage to his trust was unimaginable, the fear in his eyes was unmistakable, (and heartbreaking) but still he held out faint hope that his future would not be a repeat of his past. Earning his trust was a monumental task, it took a good two years for him to finally truly believe that life doesn't hurt, and it can even be fun. The first time I saw him play in the yard with the other dogs, several months after I adopted him, brought tears to my eyes.
Charlie was with me for only 10 short years, but during that time he gave me his heart, he gave the gift of his trust, we shared a bond that words cannot describe, it was a connection of the heart and the soul, that one needs to experience to understand the depth and breadth of it. He asked for so little, just a chance at a second chance, but gave me so much!

 

Honestly thank you all for responding, supporting and sharing your own stories!

It feels very therapeutic to just make these little updates keeping track of her progress (we do also have a journal of her day-to-day activities - we are very extra as dog parents). And it's so wonderful to hear from people who have been through it and know how rewarding (and challenging) it can be! I'm glad Charlie found you and learned that life could actually be a pretty wonderful thing ☺

 

Some big steps this weekend:

1 - for the first time ever she was brave enough to try her soft dog bed! The first time we introduced it the unstable surface seemed to really unnerve her and she's only been comfortable with blankets on the floor. Since trying it she's spent almost the entire day lounging quite happily 😂
2 - she met my partner's family and their 4 (!!) terriers. A long pack walk on the common, followed by them coming back to ours for lunch and she did amazingly well hanging out in her safe space observing everything - she didn't show any noticeable stress signals and we were very impressed
3 - she came extremely close to moving from her main safe zone to join us in the other room 🥹 didn't quite make it in the end, but she spent 5+ minutes "psyching herself up" going back and forth between safe space and door... Hopefully soon she will be ready to go the rest of the way 🥰