A month ago my DH and I went to a rescue's puppy event after thinking about adding a dog into our family for many months. We weren't certain that this was the best time but the rescue lady encouraged us to just come down and see the puppies (first mistake). When we got there she had a couple of typical rescue dogs (older pitties etc) and then suddenly a number of adorable puppies of various breeds (including desirable ones like Shih Tzus and Dachshunds!) My instincts were SCREAMING at me to leave but we saw one tiny poodle mix puppy alone in a cardboard box under the table and DH and I looked at each other and said 'we can't leave him here". So we paid the 'rescue' for the puppy and took him home.
From the day he arrived I started having massive panic attacks. I have PTSD and anxiety disorder but both were under control before this tiny furry bomb went off in our lives. Despite all the reading we'd done nothing prepared us for the sleeplessness, the crying, the neediness, the potty accidents... it was HUGELY overwhelming. My three kids obviously loved the little boy immediately (but the child we had most hoped would bond with him, our neurodivergent child whose doctor suggested we get a dog to help with his anxiety, showed little interest). I have struggled with the lack of ability to do anything, take my kids for an ice cream after school etc... I know these things are temporary but in my current state I can't see the light at the end of the tunnel. I also suffer with an autoimmune condition and I'm feeling totally exhausted and in a 'flare' due to lack of sleep.
I have been so stressed I've barely eaten (and lost 5KG). I haven't slept at all in the month that we've had this little boy, even though his night sleeps are much better now. After the first couple of weeks I accepted that I was deep in the 'puppy blues' and spent lots of time with the pup, playing and loving on him. I am 100% his 'person', he tolerates the kids sometimes but growls at them quite often, he is MUCH happier when they are in school. My kids are fighting ALL the time at the moment and I'm on edge from this, too.
In recent days my DH's company announced a round of redundancies. He hasn't been impacted (yet) but his already huge workload has increased. We both WFH and I had assumed I could leave the pup with him when I was out with the kids/running errands etc but he has told me he has no bandwidth to add anything else to his plate. He's not being selfish, he's hugely stressed and I am honestly concerned about his mental wellbeing, too. I had to take the pup to a local dogsitter today as he cannot be left even for five minutes, if I'm out of sight he cries and cries and honestly I am struggling with the feeling of being trapped. I never even let my human kids 'cry it out' (as some dog owners have suggested I do) so I couldn't do it with the pup, either. I accept that he is too young to be left alone for more than a few minutes but as he is really a companion breed I worry that separation anxiety goes with the territory. We have no family in this country, and a very small support network. A friend who had previously promised to occasionally help with the pup has changed her mind, she has a lot going on with her kids and she doesn't have time now. Any help we get will have to be paid for, and with a puppy this young I worry about this being disruptive for him. Again, I have anxiety so I do catastrophize and worry about everything. On top of all of the above, my husband suffered a family bereavement and we have to go overseas to deal with the affairs (pup would be 6 months old when this happens). We will be gone for 3-4 weeks and would have to leave him with a dogsitter, again I worry about how this will affect him? We also have a home move happening fairly imminently as our landlord just told us of his intentions to sell.
So my dilemma is this. I LOVE this little boy with all my heart. My kids love him, even though they do nothing to help wuth his care (and their schedules are only getting busier). Two days ago a friend mentioned my situation to someone she knows and she asked if she could come and meet the pup. She's a retired lady who lives with another retired woman, and their small poodle mix was recently PTS. She came and sat on the floor and my pup wagged his tail like crazy and jumped all over her like she was his best friend in the world. She cried and said she'd fallen in love. She is home all day, every day, and has a big house with a flat yard. She brought him a toy that he immediately loved and when I left the room for a minute he didn't whine or cry or follow me (this is honestly a first). I was shocked at how quickly he bonded with her.
The lady said she would love to adopt him, and as she lives close she said she would let me and the kids visit whenever we wanted. I said I needed a few days to think about it and since then, my anxiety has been out of control. I'm barely functioning. The thought of handing over my sweet baby fills me with despair BUT my husband said the dog would be leaving us for a major life upgrade (that's a hard thing to hear but it's true). I worry that I'll be filled with regret and will never forgive myself if we give him to this lovely lady, but I also worry that the puppy phase might push my family over the edge with all we have going on right now. I can't think rationally during this spiral (I'm waiting to see my doctor but even new meds will take weeks to take effect and I can't let the dog get more bonded to us, and this lady might get a breeder dog instead if we take too long to decide). My kids will be very sad to see him go, and this also breaks my heart. We have fostered cats in the past, though, for a similar amount of time so I hope they'd see it as a similar situation: loving and socializing an animal until you find its forever home.
What should I do? Power through and hope that this is just puppy blues, pay for as much help as I can get until it gets more manageable? Or let my beautiful boy go to the best home he could ever dream of? I'm crying my eyes out just typing this, and if you want to tell me I'm a terrible person please don't, I already feel like the worst person on earth.
From the day he arrived I started having massive panic attacks. I have PTSD and anxiety disorder but both were under control before this tiny furry bomb went off in our lives. Despite all the reading we'd done nothing prepared us for the sleeplessness, the crying, the neediness, the potty accidents... it was HUGELY overwhelming. My three kids obviously loved the little boy immediately (but the child we had most hoped would bond with him, our neurodivergent child whose doctor suggested we get a dog to help with his anxiety, showed little interest). I have struggled with the lack of ability to do anything, take my kids for an ice cream after school etc... I know these things are temporary but in my current state I can't see the light at the end of the tunnel. I also suffer with an autoimmune condition and I'm feeling totally exhausted and in a 'flare' due to lack of sleep.
I have been so stressed I've barely eaten (and lost 5KG). I haven't slept at all in the month that we've had this little boy, even though his night sleeps are much better now. After the first couple of weeks I accepted that I was deep in the 'puppy blues' and spent lots of time with the pup, playing and loving on him. I am 100% his 'person', he tolerates the kids sometimes but growls at them quite often, he is MUCH happier when they are in school. My kids are fighting ALL the time at the moment and I'm on edge from this, too.
In recent days my DH's company announced a round of redundancies. He hasn't been impacted (yet) but his already huge workload has increased. We both WFH and I had assumed I could leave the pup with him when I was out with the kids/running errands etc but he has told me he has no bandwidth to add anything else to his plate. He's not being selfish, he's hugely stressed and I am honestly concerned about his mental wellbeing, too. I had to take the pup to a local dogsitter today as he cannot be left even for five minutes, if I'm out of sight he cries and cries and honestly I am struggling with the feeling of being trapped. I never even let my human kids 'cry it out' (as some dog owners have suggested I do) so I couldn't do it with the pup, either. I accept that he is too young to be left alone for more than a few minutes but as he is really a companion breed I worry that separation anxiety goes with the territory. We have no family in this country, and a very small support network. A friend who had previously promised to occasionally help with the pup has changed her mind, she has a lot going on with her kids and she doesn't have time now. Any help we get will have to be paid for, and with a puppy this young I worry about this being disruptive for him. Again, I have anxiety so I do catastrophize and worry about everything. On top of all of the above, my husband suffered a family bereavement and we have to go overseas to deal with the affairs (pup would be 6 months old when this happens). We will be gone for 3-4 weeks and would have to leave him with a dogsitter, again I worry about how this will affect him? We also have a home move happening fairly imminently as our landlord just told us of his intentions to sell.
So my dilemma is this. I LOVE this little boy with all my heart. My kids love him, even though they do nothing to help wuth his care (and their schedules are only getting busier). Two days ago a friend mentioned my situation to someone she knows and she asked if she could come and meet the pup. She's a retired lady who lives with another retired woman, and their small poodle mix was recently PTS. She came and sat on the floor and my pup wagged his tail like crazy and jumped all over her like she was his best friend in the world. She cried and said she'd fallen in love. She is home all day, every day, and has a big house with a flat yard. She brought him a toy that he immediately loved and when I left the room for a minute he didn't whine or cry or follow me (this is honestly a first). I was shocked at how quickly he bonded with her.
The lady said she would love to adopt him, and as she lives close she said she would let me and the kids visit whenever we wanted. I said I needed a few days to think about it and since then, my anxiety has been out of control. I'm barely functioning. The thought of handing over my sweet baby fills me with despair BUT my husband said the dog would be leaving us for a major life upgrade (that's a hard thing to hear but it's true). I worry that I'll be filled with regret and will never forgive myself if we give him to this lovely lady, but I also worry that the puppy phase might push my family over the edge with all we have going on right now. I can't think rationally during this spiral (I'm waiting to see my doctor but even new meds will take weeks to take effect and I can't let the dog get more bonded to us, and this lady might get a breeder dog instead if we take too long to decide). My kids will be very sad to see him go, and this also breaks my heart. We have fostered cats in the past, though, for a similar amount of time so I hope they'd see it as a similar situation: loving and socializing an animal until you find its forever home.
What should I do? Power through and hope that this is just puppy blues, pay for as much help as I can get until it gets more manageable? Or let my beautiful boy go to the best home he could ever dream of? I'm crying my eyes out just typing this, and if you want to tell me I'm a terrible person please don't, I already feel like the worst person on earth.
