I don't have time to reply now in any detail but a few things come to mind.

First it's really early days.

how do I not reinforce some bad/fearful/aggressive behaviors,

I honestly wouldn't even think of worrying about that right now. You can work on behaviour later, right now he is in survival mode so just do what you need to to get through it. If he sees your bed as a safe place I'd take that as a win, if he is volunteering to seek you out - this is not the time to push him away.

Others will no doubt add more, sorry I need to go now.

 

I don't have time to reply now in any detail but a few things come to mind.

First it's really early days.


I honestly wouldn't even think of worrying about that right now. You can work on behaviour later, right now he is in survival mode so just do what you need to to get through it. If he sees your bed as a safe place I'd take that as a win, if he is volunteering to seek you out - this is not the time to push him away.

Others will no doubt add more, sorry I need to go now.

Thank you. It's not me he's seeking out, just the bed when I'm out in the living room. But I will try to be more patient. I've never dealt with this level of fear and disengagement before, so I'm just not sure the best way to handle it.

 

Do you have any access to a dog that's not afraid that you can borrow for a few days? Or even know someone with a dog like that who will walk with you? When I had a rescue foster that was very afraid, being around another dog that wasn't really helped. Other than that, don't try to train or do anything but be a friendly neutral for a week or two. Do the minimum in a neutral way and let the dog begin to accept the new environment. With my last puppy who was very noise sensitive with loud noises he reacted to I'd just say, "Whoops," and keep doing what I was doing and ignore his reaction. I know you can't do that with birds singing, but you could with something like a door closing. Good luck.

 

Unfortunately, my friends have cats, not dogs. there is a dog in the neighborhood that he took an immediate liking to and played and ran and wrestled with for 20 minutes the day after I picked him up from the rescue. But I don't know the owner or even where she lives to knock on her door to ask for her help.

 

Not sure how long you have had your new doggie, but just as a general guideline, there is the 3 3 3 rule for new rescues:

This is often referred to as decompression. The rule for this time frame is the 3-3-3 rule. Three days for initial decompression, three weeks to learn the routines of your household, and three months to start to feel relaxed and at home.

Your dog is likely scared, confused and unable to understand what has happened in his short life, or why. Let him adjust at his own rate, don't push him into uncomfortable situations. He will in all probability come around in time, but you must let him set the pace.

 

I think you might be falling victim to two outdated training beliefs: 1) Coddling a fearful dog makes the dog more fearful 2) Dogs require good leadership, and good leadership requires you to assert your control over human resources such access to furniture, choice of play and walk destinations, etc.

Good leaders are good communicators. They listen to concerns. If something seems odd, the leader will evaluate the concern and decide if it's actually a problem. If there is a threat, the leader finds a way to mitigate the danger. A leader earns trust and loyalty through a history of making good decisions.

You have described three different situations where you failed to listen to him. 1) When he stopped on a walk, you kept moving forward until you hit the end of the leash 2) In training you pushed him to the point where he got frustrated and nipped at you 3) When he was terrified and ran to your bed (a spot you have established as a safety zone by your presence) you rebuffed him and made it clear he was on his own to deal with the problem. Reading about this bed incident is really kind of heartbreaking.

I think the first thing you need to do in order to build a bond and reduce fear...is to start listening when he tells you he's not feeling ok. If he's scared and wants to cuddle, let him cuddle. If he is nervous about going for a walk, let him pee in your front yard and then just sit on the front steps with him with your door open behind you in case he wants to go inside. He will be more willing to take chances and be curious about scary things if he knows he can count on you to make sure he's safe. That includes turning around and leaving when the scary thing is just too overwhelming.

You also mentioned he is nervous around things that don't scare normal dogs, like the sounds of birds. That sounds a bit much for even a nervous dog. It's possible that he might benefit from drugs to help control the anxiety while he adjusts to your household. He might also benefit from a short acting drug if you anticipate thunderstorms or fireworks. Talk to your vet. I would avoid acepromazine, as it has a reputation for removing the ability to react while not addressing the actual anxiety. Your vet should be able to guide you to other drugs.

 

Thank you for your advice. Regarding the bed, I was not in the bed at the time (it was 6pm), and the condo is only 400 sq/ft, and was sitting right next to him playing with him when he heard the noise and ran to the bed. So when I closed off the room, it was only to set a boundary as I would like him to not view that as his safe place without me in the room until I know he is potty trained because the bedroom door is closed while I am at work as it's the only room with carpet as well as to stay near me in the living room where I was still planning on being for several hours. Also, the training sessions are less than 3 minutes and are only about creating a bond and getting him to look at me. But he sees the treats and bites at my hand when i don't give them instantly and ask him to wait and look at me for 1-2 seconds first.
I absolutely may have learned some incorrect things in all my research and training classes. I have had dogs for more than 20 years and also helped many friends with their dogs, but I have never dealt with this level of fear. However, I've always started with very young dogs rather than older dogs with unknown history. So this is brand new territory for me.
Are you saying that I should pet and cuddle him every time he gets scared? won't that reinforce the fear response? I want him to feel safe and confident, but I just don't know what the right thing to do is. I'm feeling frustrated, but also heartbroken because I've never not had a nearly instant bond with a pet, and this feels so alien to what I've experienced in the past. I am so sad that he feels so much fear and anxiety and just want to take it all away from him so he feels safe and happy.

 

the training sessions are less than 3 minutes and are only about creating a bond and getting him to look at me. But he sees the treats and bites at my hand when i don't give them instantly and ask him to wait and look at me for 1-2 seconds first.

Try using a treat bag combined with clicker training. The treat stays in the treat bag until after the dog hears the click. Then reach into the bag and pass him the treat as quick as you can. That way he's less likely to stay hyper-focused on your feeding hand. If you have a problem with him snatching at your fingers you could try either tossing the treat down between his paws or else feeding him from a cupped hand instead of your fingers.

Are you saying that I should pet and cuddle him every time he gets scared? won't that reinforce the fear response? I want him to feel safe and confident, but I just don't know what the right thing to do is.

There is a difference between "fearfulness" and "annoying fear based behavior." A lot of old time trainers didn't usually draw this distinction. They recommended against comforting fearful dogs, because they thought giving the dog attention for fearful behavior would increase both fear and also annoying attention seeking behavior. Comforting a fearful dog doesn't increase fear and might very well help. As for annoying behavior, you can often deal with this by offering a dog a choice of options that are acceptable to you.

My previous dogs didn't like fireworks. For a few years I had a problem with neighbors setting fireworks off every single weekend. I offered the dogs a choice of things they could when it got noisy. I put a dog bed in the closet, and they had the option to hide there. I turned the music up on the stereo and let them crawl onto my lap. A third option was to lie on the couch under a pile of cushions. They made different choices at different times. Whatever they did, I just calmly continued on with my normal evening activities of reading and whatnot. Eventually, after a few years of the fireworks going off all summer, they stopped barking and getting agitated. They were never thrilled about the noise and lights, but they became much less reactive.

 

Try using a treat bag combined with clicker training. The treat stays in the treat bag until after the dog hears the click. Then reach into the bag and pass him the treat as quick as you can. That way he's less likely to stay hyper-focused on your feeding hand. If you have a problem with him snatching at your fingers you could try either tossing the treat down between his paws or else feeding him from a cupped hand instead of your fingers.

I actually was using the clicker training...unfortunately, he even afraid of the loud clicker noise. I noticed the fear of the sound on day 2, and have been using 'yes' instead, but he gets hyper-focused on the treat bag and tries to pull it off my belt or out of my hand.
I will give him a few days with very little pressure for 'correct' behavior or structured walks, and offer some comfort when he asks for it and see if that makes a difference in the fear.

 

I agree with the advice you have gotten above, although with regard to drugs I would not go down that road at this point. It's possible that he will overcome his fear without the use of drugs, and to me that is preferable.

I have handled a number of very frightened and shut down dogs, one of which was to the point of almost catatonia when he came to me. The most important lesson I learned is never, ever be ambitious for the dog. In other words, don't set a time schedule for the dog or think that he is not making progress fast enough. This is about the dog, not about me as the handler or owner, and I have to let the dog take however much time he needs to get comfortable, at each stage, to move forward.

The dog you have has been traumatized. Think of it like this, and that may help. You need, first and foremost, to create a place where the dog feels safe. He has to feel that you will be his safe person. This means never push him to do or not do anything. I would, for instance, have let him stay in the bed. He needed that. You can always work on the details of when he's allowed in the bed later on, when he is more comfortable and not in a panic.

You have not even had this dog for a week. If I were in your place I would stop all attempts to train the dog to do or not do anything, and would focus all my attention on making him feel safe. There's plenty of time for training a little later on.

Right now you need to be giving him whatever he needs to feel safe. You can't effectively train anyone, person, dog, horse...anyone...who is terrified. They just can't listen and learn, because their brain is focused entirely on the fear. Think about how it would be for you if you were in the same room as a growling tiger, and someone wanted to teach you a foreign language. My bet is you wouldn't learn a thing. This is about how it is for this dog right now.

Use all your energy with this dog to help him adjust to being in this new place, and don't worry about anything else right now. It might take days, it might take weeks, it might take months! But if you want to keep this dog and have him as your dog, you have to give him all the time he needs, however long that is.

The fact that the foster home didn't inform you could mean they were lacking in the consideration to fully inform you. OR, it might mean that he was not so scared at their house. Not because your place is scarier, but because maybe he was relaxing there and now is all upset because he got moved, and now he doesn't know what to expect next. If this were to be the case, all he needs is some time and he will be OK. If that is not the case, then still all he needs is time, but it may be a longer amount of time. Whatever time he needs, if you give it to him he will turn out fine, but if you push or rush the process he won't be OK and your efforts at speeding things up will backfire. Trust me on t his, I know.

You can do this. I know the feeling of sadness because he's scared and you are not bonding. But believe me when I say that if you can give him time, when he comes out of his shell your bond will be ten times stronger because you are the person he learned to trust.

 

It takes dogs several days to weeks to decompress. Don't expect anything out of him, only take him out to go potty and bring him back in. He needs a safe spot, some use their cage, and some use a dog bed, it doesn't matter what you use, but when he goes there leave him alone. That is his safe spot and he needs to want to come out of that to you. Always talk in a soft voice to him at all times. Try giving him a few toys, he might destroy them, perhaps a yak chew, or bone. He is not taking treats because he is super hypervigilant and fearful. Stop and allow him to process the area, and get comfortable with your yard before taking him out for walks in public. You will have to do baby steps slowly but allow him to start to trust you. Good luck and keep us informed on how it is going.

 

Give the dog time to adjust, give them their space, be calm and gentle, show him love and don't be so pushy. Let the dog pearn that he is safe there by not forcing yourself on him and allowing him to open up on his terms.