[timber]

Ever since Dallas passed away I have become paranoid about my other dogs and cats. I am constantly just staring at them making sure they are breathing. Especially when they are napping, my panic increases as they are laying so still. I am also finding myself panicked when arriving home. I'm so afraid of finding another tragedy. I'm also terrified during feeding time. I'm afraid my dogs will bloat. I'm in a constant state of fear.

I feel so much guilt for Dallas' death. Was it my fault that he bloated? Was there something I could have done to prevent this from happening to my beloved boy? I feel guilty for not being able to save him. I feel guilty that he was probably so scared when he was bloating and I wasn't there to be by his side. Will this ever end? I don't know what to do...I hope he forgives me for not protecting him...I don't know what to do.

 

[Grabby]

What you're feeling is normal. Guilt and regrets and what ifs are part of the aftermath of a loss. Reaching out for support is good. You've experienced loss magnified. Share your feelings to those who understand. Avoid people who discount what you're feeling.

Grief takes time and nothing changes that fact. You're feelings of paranoia for your other dogs will pass sooner than the grief.

Dallas knew you loved him. Dogs don't need to forgive us because there is nothing to forgive. You had no way to know what would happen and the outcome might have been the same if you'd been there to rush him to a veterinarian. Dallas didn't know what was happening. He didn't know he was in serious danger. Try to stop reliving and imagining what happened because the scenarios you're creating in your mind are much worse than what probably happened.

Hugs and comforting thoughts for you. This is the worst time. The worst.

 

[Rain]

It fades, and it does get better. What helped me with my dog Jersey (she passed away unexpectedly I'll spare you the details), was to remind myself that I did the best I could, that she knew I loved her, that I gave her the best life I could. I had to actively stop myself from playing the what if game. What if I did this? What if I did that? What if......? That game just made me feel 100% worse. I'd stop myself from playing it and remind myself that I did the best I could do with the knowledge I had at the time.

It took me a good year to really start to get over her death, BUT it did slowly start to get better before that.

What you do is forgive yourself, and you learn what you can from what happened. Dallas loves you, and he'd not blame you for what happened. He knows that you'd have been there if you could, just like my Jersey knows I'd have been with her if I could. When you get home, tell yourself I'm going to open the door and they are going to be fine. Tell yourself that even if you are not feeling it, and you'll find that with a bit of time that's what you will come to expect.

 

[Esand]

It wasn't your fault any more than cancer would have been your fault. It's a common cause of death. Thankfully I've never lost a dog to bloat but the thought of it terrifies me. Although it's probably much much more painful for us humans, I believe that it's better for the dog vs a drawn out illness.

 

[secrets0stolen]

I`m sorry for your loss. What you are feeling is a normal response. It will pass.

Just remind yourself that we truly can`t control everything and life has its own plans. If something is intended, it will happen and you can`t do much about it. It`s scary but very liberating at the same time. You know, bricks fall on people`s head. The other day I heard a story about a diver who was sucked into a .. umm.. fire-department helicopter while it was loading up water from sea to extinguish a wildfire in jungle. They found a divers burnt body with diving mask on against a burnt tree in the jungle later.

Sorry, gruesome but also totally absurd. Point is that we actually don`t control much in life and if some weird stuff is going to happen, it probably will. All we can really do is trust life, hope for the best and try to relax.

Hugs.

 

[timber]

Thank you everyone for the support. The guilt is just eating me alive, and it's making me relive so many other deaths as well. It's also frustrating me that people keep asking me what is wrong (no one here though is frustrating me), when I've answered that question so many times already. I hate having to repeat it as the wave of guilt and sadness comes over me so hard when I need to answer these types of questions over and over again. I just miss him so much.

 

[Tickle]

((((timber))))

 

[supaflyskye]

I'm so sorry for what you're going through. I feel for you. I killed my first dog. I posted the details on another thread about guilt, so I won't post them here, but it was definitely my fault and 100% preventable. I too am a paranoid pet owner, in part because of what happened to my Kovsky. It does lessen w time, but I doubt it ever goes away completely; I still feel the guilt and paranoia almost 5 years later.
My current dog's had diarrhea a couple times in her life and each time I've been so worried she was completely done for(even though that wasn't one of my previous dog's symptoms), especially when it was bloody and explosive at 5am on Christmas morning. Of course, she spent 36hrs in emergency vet and was fine. Now she has an injured toe and I'm absolutely freaking out about it, especially since she's on vacation w my family and I'm not there to care for her. =/
Just know you're not alone. Feel free to message me if you ever need to talk. I've been there. It will get better w time, but it probably won't ever go away entirely. A good therapist might be of assistance to you if you're open to that?
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