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Discussion Starter #21
I have two jobs. I work at a shelter, but I also work at home with the CPU I write articles for an online magazine. Product reviews. Writing my articles doesn't always go to plan, and sometimes I have late nights, like tonight. So sleep is very important. hahahaa.

What I tried to talk to my wife about is:

-Walks before she goes to bed
-Walks before she goes to work

As for me, I have issues with being called dad. I feel like a babysitter really. Ironic, how I am on a dog forum. Don't get me wrong, I think they are cute, adorable, I like to pet them and talk about other species psychology. But I rather not be this pup's father. Because I didn't want this pup.

I'll train her, feed her, do the 5 minute walk. But I honestly want nothing to do with the pup, other than the basic stuff like the training. Though that's a whole another situation.
 

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Yea, that's a different situation. I'm sorry you got stuck there without her talking to you about it beforehand. Maybe she feels like this puppy is a way to express her desire to take care of another being that she doesn't want to admit. Or maybe she did it on impulse, and feels irresponsible rehoming. Its sort of one of those things that she needs to express to you.

I know it's not really my place, but maybe you guys could try doing something new together. Sounds like training this puppy might be a good reason for you and your wife to come closer together and communicate better :)
 

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Discussion Starter #23
I hope. All it really causes is my mind to feel like I'm lucid on drugs. My tiredness doesn't bring out the best of my personality. Trust me, I'm a little more mellow than this. But my sleep deprived idle mind all these thoughts. They bring out the grump in me.

So communicating with her has been hard. Because there's what I want to say, and what I say because I'm so tired and I just don't know how to say what I am thinking properly. Cause the head fuzzies, you know.
 

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So communicating with her has been hard. Because there's what I want to say, and what I say because I'm so tired and I just don't know how to say what I am thinking properly. Cause the head fuzzies, you know.
So write it down. Type up a letter explaining how you feel, at least that way you can edit what you say.
 

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I am sorry if this comes out wrong but here goes.....Your wife needs to get her butt out of bed an hour earlier than normal and walk the dog she just HAD to have. Then she needs to come up with a training plan and implement it.
It is great giving cuddles, and out pouring of love to a dog, heck my own Sherlock has to push me away sometimes LOL, but responsible dog ownership is also about making sure you have a happy settled dog.

I sort of have the same situation as you do...my husband is a dog guy and all around animal guy, as long as he does not have to look after them. In other words he loves loving on other people's animals. Somehow he got stuck in a house with 4 cats and because he loves and spoils me he got me a Bluetick Coonhound pup for a early birthday present.

He takes him for small walks and loves on him when he wants but I wanted the dog it is my responsibility. It is my butt up at 2 am to take Sherlock out, it is my butt that is walking him in the rain first thing int he morning before my coffee and I am awake. It is me that is sleep deprived because Sherlock is my responsibility because I wanted him.


When I have to be gone my husband makes sure he takes him out for potty breaks and does play with him....but at the end of the day it falls on my shoulders to make sure this pup needs/wants are met, and that he grows up to be a great canine citizen.

You need to get some sleep then have a deep heart to heart with your wife and tell her that either she steps up or the dog is re-homed because at the end of the day it is not fair or a good life for this dog to live with tension and resentment.

Good Luck

Gem
 

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Discussion Starter #26
She did better, I guess that's the word today than she has the last two days. Maybe because my wife worked at the time I naturally get up, so Aero didn't have such a big stink. I mean she's still whining and she's never food motivated when my wife leaves, she won't take the Kong. She also isn't distracted, like I tried taking out the toy she loves to chase. It didn't work.

She just flopped at the front door and started to cry. I tried calling her over.

Oh but she did when I first woke up and I sat on the couch to sun bathe because when I wake up I don't just wake up. I have to sit for thirty minutes to really wake up. No cup of coffee or anything, just sit there without a word or conversation.

Point is while I was sun bathing Aero did groom me, it was the weird experience ever.

She was also super excited to see me as if me sleeping had suddenly made me gone forever.
 

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So there is your glimmer of change LOL most change is not a shout but a whisper.

Gem
 

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This is going to sound harsh, so I apologize ahead of time. When I read your posts, I think, "What a life!" I sure wish I could sleep until I "naturally" wake up, sunbathe on the couch for 30 minutes after awaking, then spend the day working from home with a cute puppy to play with.
My reality is up at 6am during the week (with midnight and sometimes 2:30 potty times for my 10-week old pup). At 6am, I have three horses, three dogs, and two cats to take care of before I head off to teach high school all day. When I get home, I don't get to sit down and relax until bedtime. I'm usually in bed by 10-11ish, and the young pup sleeps with me so I can wake up when he does to take him potty.

THAT SAID, *I* chose this existence, so it's all a labor of love for me. I give up quite a lot (including sleep) to have my animals. I'm a natural introvert too, but teaching high school sure changes that, lol!), but animals have always been my soulmates.

You didn't choose to have your lifestyle altered, and so you resent it. Your wife was not very wise in choosing that type of young dog for apartment life. I can understand YOUR frustration AND the puppy's.

Good luck to you. I hope whatever solution you find is the right one for all three of you. :)
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Discussion Starter #29
Well the walks are not helping her much. Because my wife takes her at the wrong times of days. If you work at 11am, you should be taking Aero an hour before you go to work.

"I walked her at 7 and got back at 9"

That's great, but she's still whining and barking when you're gone.

We go through this everyday. My wife manages to come back from work safe and sound. Why does this pup not understand this concept? Everyday, my wife leaves and comes back.

I stopped using the bark collar on her, but I thought it actually helped. Because I'm trying to take calls here and can't have a pup barking in the background.
 

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I babysat my 1 year old neice while her parents were unpacking from moving. Every time they walked by us, my niece would start screaming in rage and terror that they weren't coming to her. She's a baby, a first baby, so she's used to having their undivided attention. They come into the room and grab her and love on her and them just walking by was both enraging and terrifying for her.

It was 8 solid hours of happybabyhappybabySCREAMINGBABYhappybabyrinserepeat. She's a baby, so I dealt.

It's the same with dogs, particularly puppies. Like my niece, "she comes back, stupid!" isn't a message that's going to get through.

I'd say the dog has separation anxiety, but quite frankly, I'd be scared of being left alone with someone who actively dislikes me, too. None of these behaviors will ever get better until you decide to be an adult and fully engage in caring for the helpless creature in your life. If you can't do that, the dog needs to be rehomed. It's not the dog's fault that your wife sprung a dog on you. It is the dog who suffers, though, as they always do for us.
 

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Discussion Starter #31
I don't actively dislike her. I mostly tolerate her. And I work with her.

She got training for a butter knife of all natural organic peanut butter, no sugar added, no persatives that type of thing.

She had to sit, lay down, sit back up from the laying position, paw, lay down, come, and then lay down before sitting. Then she got the butter knife of peanut butter.

I'm being nice to her as best as I can be nice to a dog or to anyone in that fact of the matter.
 

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I think you need to adjust your attitude. You are asking her to do an awful lot for you, for minimum payment... The dog isn't trying to trick you or cheat you. The more you give her, the more you'll get out of her. For example, I would have given her a treat for every single one of those commands in that chain. It's a complex series of behaviours! She did a good job! She'll be so much more willing to work for you if you give enough reason to.

Same with affection. If you give it freely, she's less likely to have to demand it or feel abandoned when your wife leaves. You don't have to baby talk or hug her. How about bonding with grooming, or just some gentle pets?

If you really can't bring yourself to be nice to your dog (I do wonder if you include your wife when you say you're incapable of being nice to people and how she feels about that...) you should rehome her. Dogs aren't machines. They need love, and if you're her primary carer you need to provide it. I think you'll get a lot of out it you make the effort here. Maybe she'll change your life.
 

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Discussion Starter #33
My wife gives her plenty of love trust me. When I was trying to give Aero commands she was staring at mom.

And see I think PB is a treat in itself. If it was not PB I wouldn't have made her do that many commands. But it was PB. It was something special, but since I was making a PBJ sandwich and knew she liked PB I was going to give it to her. She also needs to learn she won't get it for free though.

I am not suppose to be the primary caretaker. My wife is.
 

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There is a saying in teaching about students that goes like this: "They don't care how much you know until they know how much you care."

It's true for dogs too. Aero pines away for your wife because she knows your wife cares about her. She looks at your wife while you're "giving commands" because she knows your wife cares about her.

To Aero, being left home with you is the same as being left home alone. Or maybe worse because she knows there is a person there with her, but that person doesn't care about her. She can sense your resentment and impatience with her, believe me.
 

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I am not suppose to be the primary caretaker. My wife is.
I get that your wife is "supposed" to be the primary caretaker, but the reality is that you are, by default, the primary caretaker as you're the one at home the most hours.

That's why I've been suggesting from my post here that you either accept this role or find a new home for the dog.

I agree that none of this is particularly fair. The primary caretaker should always be the one to decide whether to bring a dog into the home and which dog to welcome to the family.

That being said, Aero is completely innocent and deserves to have a primary caregiver who embraces his role. You've either got to accept that role or find her a new home. Otherwise, you're just going to continue going around in circles.
 

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My wife gives her plenty of love trust me. When I was trying to give Aero commands she was staring at mom.

And see I think PB is a treat in itself. If it was not PB I wouldn't have made her do that many commands. But it was PB. It was something special, but since I was making a PBJ sandwich and knew she liked PB I was going to give it to her. She also needs to learn she won't get it for free though.

I am not suppose to be the primary caretaker. My wife is.
You really can't expect her to give you anything in return (respect, better behaviour, positive interactions) if you're not willing to compromise.

I'm not sure quite what you're expecting us to say here. If you don't want anything to do with a dog, you need to talk with your wife about rehoming. If Aero is here to stay, there's lots of things you could do to make your relationship with her better.

I hope you read some of these and they give you something to think about towards changing your attitude:
Let’s Talk About Treats | Z-dogs Blog
Treat Training Trinity – Why positive reinforcement did not work for my dog. | awesomedogs

Culture Clash: Jean Donaldson: 9781617811128: Amazon.com: Books

http://www.dogforum.com/puppy-help/help-understanding-nilf-170874/
 
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