[Chomby]

Hello. This is my first post so I hope I'm not judged too harshly.

So about a week ago, my mom and I impulsively got a border collie x australian shepard mix puppy from backyard breeders who didn't take the best care of her (she had worms). We didn't do proper research prior to getting her, and now that I know more about both breeds, I don't think it's a good fit.

Here's the thing: This is my first dog. I have pretty much no experience with dogs and I've always had cats. My mom is almost 65 and has really bad arthritis (she needs one hip and two knee replacements).

I am tasked with doing the bulk of the work training and taking care of this pup. My issue is that this dog breed is for very active people who have more space. Most women my mom's age have small dogs for very valid reasons, and I feel overwhelmed by the fact that I'm solely responsible for taking care of a bigger dog that is NOT recommended for first time dog owners. I have zero experience with any dog and my mom has mobility issues.

I have kept trying to reason with my mom, telling her that it'd probably be best to have a small dog that we can both physically handle. She keeps saying that I'm selfish and lazy and that I'm trying to force a dog on her she doesn't want. I like the dog but I don't feel this breed is a safe fit. I'm overwhelmed and I don't know what to do at this point.

I want her to be with some experienced folks that can provide her with lots of proper training, exercise, and space, but my mom and I keep butting heads. I think that the longer we have this puppy, the more attached my mom will get and vice versa.

So what should I do? Am I the bad person in this situation? People keep commenting about how good the puppy is but I think it will be bad having her long-term. I already have trouble handling her at her current size.

Thanks in advance for any and all advice.

 

[JoanneF]

What I'm hearing in your post is about your mother's limitations. That's fair enough, it's important. But, what would help people to advise you is to hear more about what she can and will do, and - importantly - what you feel capable of.

Yes, this is a challenging mix but it's not all about exercise. If you are interested in training, maybe getting into activities such as flyball, agility, obedience or heelwork you could give this dog a very fulfilled life without 'lots of' exercise and space.

She will certainly need exercise though, and taking your mother out of that equation (for her knees and hips) can you give the dog a couple of hours a day? If so, and you can get into activities, then it might work. If not, is your mother prepared to pay for a dog walker? If not to that too, I think you have your answer.

 

[SusanLynn]

To be honest, I don't think this is the dog for you and your mom. I don't think that you are the right owners for this dog. And, I think it's o.k. to rehome it. You've only had it for a week.

Your responsibility now lies in finding the very best placement for this pup that you can. I would strongly recommend that you contact rescue groups which will make sure that this dog will be placed in an appropriate home with an active family.

I first joined the Dog Forum years ago when I rather foolishly brought home a young Great Pyrenes mix from a shelter. It was the wrong dog for me. After two months of giving it my best effort, I realized that I was in over my head. Thankfully, I was able to place him in a private no-kill shelter. He was adopted three hours later by a young, active couple with dog experience. I was so relieved. I had made the right decision for myself and my family. I had made the right decision for the dog.

The next dog I adopted was Miles, He's the delightful dog in my avatar. I realized that what I really wanted was a lower energy lap dog. I found Miles at a public shelter, and we bonded instantly. Had I not stepped up to adopt him, he would have been euthanized because no one else was interested in a senior dog.

There are many, many dogs like Miles that need a home. Your home would be perfect for that kind of dog.

Don't overthink this decision. Instead, focus on securing the very best placement you can for this pup.

 

[emeraldecho]

I am tasked with doing the bulk of the work training and taking care of this pup. [...] I feel overwhelmed by the fact that I'm solely responsible for taking care of a bigger dog that is NOT recommended for first time dog owners.

Admittedly, you're right about the breed not being ideal for a first time owner, but that's a difficulty that can be overcome if you and your mother are willing to step up and work through the learning curve. I have also seen both breeds in training as guide dogs, so there should be no limitation to the dog being around a person with mobility trouble as long as the dog gets the right training.

As I see it, the bigger issue is that if the dog belongs to the both of you equally, there is no reason you should be the only one responsible - so it's no wonder you feel overwhelmed. It would be fair to say that if the dog is in your sole care, the decision whether to keep the dog should also be yours only. If your mother wants to keep the dog, she needs to step up. It is selfish of her to expect otherwise. She may not be able to lift bags of dogfood or go on walks, but there is a lot she should be capable of.

If you don't have space of your own for the dog to run, it should be possible to make an arrangement with someone else for a place she can drive to where the dog can have the freedom of a fenced exercise area.

There are tools that should allow her to overcome her physical limitations - this one would allow her to play fetch without bending over, for instance: https://www.amazon.ca/Chuckit-Sport...ocphy=1002449&hvtargid=pla-353377040134&psc=1

A lot of obedience training can be done with limited mobility also. There's nothing to prevent your mother from working on basic commands like Sit, Stay, Paw, etc. Those (and a lot of other commands, once the groundwork is laid for them) can even be done while seated. Perhaps working with a trainer who can suggest specific adaptations of typical training methods would also help?

 

[CachetheBC]

Just because a dog/breed is 'not recommended' for a first time dog owner it doesn't mean that the relationship/partnership is 'doomed' to failure, (not all border collies are super high energy) that things can't or won't work out wonderfully for both of you. Keep in mind any dog of any size (or breed) requires a certain amount of commitment and 'work' - they all require the same things - caretaking, training, and commitment to mental and physical stimulation.
I have two border collies, one is an Australian shepherd mix, of the two, the Aussie mix is the calmer, less 'intense' of the two but they both are brilliant, easy to teach, quick to learn and easy to get along with. Neither requires an excessive amount of physical exercise, we play frisbee/ball for short periods two or three times a day, they get walks where they can sniff and explore their world, and they thrive on opportunities to use their brains -which is more satisfying for them than physical exercise.
The first thing that I taught them was to find (and use) their 'off switch' - they play hard, but when play time is over, they have no problem settling down and chilling out for a while.
Any dog can be more than a 'handful', any dog of any breed can be 'hyper' or 'mellow'.
I do think (to a certain extent) that when some get a border collie they expect the dog to be 'hyper'/ non-stop and so proceed to 'fuel the fire' (and create marathon dogs) by being constantly on the go with them rather than finding ways to help them learn to 'slow down' (brain games work wonderfully for this) and take life at a slower pace.

 

[elvisdog]

I don't hear a dog problem. I hear a family relationship problem. I hear that the original poster doesn't feel supported by her mother, and feels that she's been given a responsibility that she is not prepared for. Perhaps she feels her mother doesn't even recognize how tough it's been on her, and she doesn't like that. I hear tension from a perceived unequal division of labor.

What I suggest is this: the dog isn't the problem. You're completely opposite regarding the current dog. Will you be on the same page with another Miles? I am not sure.

 

[Curls]

Here are two additional questions to ask yourself.
1) Is a dog, any dog at all, right for your lifestyle and personality? Dogs are always going to be more demanding than cats. They don't use litter boxes; they need to go outside multiple times a day. They are more in your face about wanting attention and interaction. They can't be left alone for more than a few hours.
2) Is a puppy, any puppy at all, right for your household? Kittens are very self sufficient compared to a puppy. Kittens come knowing how to use the litter pan. They mostly figure out how to act like a normal cat even if you have no interest in attempting to train them. Puppies, in contrast, need a lot of training. Someone needs to teach them where and when to go potty, how to walk on a leash, how to politely interact with people and other dogs, and all sorts of other skills.

If you are willing to make the commitment to rearing a puppy and then caring for a dog, you can probably acquire the skills to handle even a herding dog. They are exceptionally trainable. It will, of course, require work. Sign up for puppy classes, do the homework, and look up brain games and dog sports classes for when your dog is older. If your personality and lifestyle are better geared towards cats, then don't try to make a puppy into a cat. Everyone will lose.

 

[Chomby]

To be honest, I don't think this is the dog for you and your mom. I don't think that you are the right owners for this dog. And, I think it's o.k. to rehome it. You've only had it for a week.

I don't think any dog is for me. I just don't like them very much.
I've always liked cats but my mom isn't a cat person. I'm not a dog person.
I'd be happier with no pets at all so we can stop arguing.

 

[Chomby]

She's been rehomed. The couple is an EXCELLENT fit for her.

• They're experienced (they had an Australian Shepard and loved her)
• They have more money than us (they spent over 6k in medical expenses for their last dog)
• They are more active than us (they love to bike, run, go on trails, camp, etc.)
• They have a big BIG yard she can run around in

The puppy was very excited to go with them and she got a lot of belly rubs. She gave plenty of kisses in return. I know this couple is a perfect fit and we did the right thing. My mom finally listened to me (she and I both agreed that she deserved better) and we get along now.

Thanks to everyone for your advice!

 

[emeraldecho]

I'm glad to hear you found a solution that works for all of you.

 

[Mascots Bailey]

I don't think any dog is for me. I just don't like them very much.
I've always liked cats but my mom isn't a cat person. I'm not a dog person.
I'd be happier with no pets at all so we can stop arguing.

Sounds like a good home for fish 😃

 

[Chomby]

Sounds like a good home for fish 😃

It's a good home for cats too but my mom said she's sick of cats.
I still really love them though.

 

[mcclellandclan]

I'm glad to hear you found a solution that works for all of you.

That is great. Sometimes dogs need more then we can give them to be happy, and you chose to think of what dog needed , not yourself. Personally I had one of these type puppies, same mix. We had an acre, I walked her, ran her, went to training, snd had small kids. She had to be on a farm herding. No matter how much I did it was not enough, and due to herding instinct she was not safe with young kids. We rehomed her to a farm so she could work. You did the right. Find a small lap dog that needs a home. There are many in shelters now.

 

[RedsDad]

Your mom sounds manipulative if she can't manage the dog and you think it is a bad fit you should re-home it.

 

[Chomby]

Your mom sounds manipulative if she can't manage the dog and you think it is a bad fit you should re-home it.

We did!

She's been rehomed. The couple is an EXCELLENT fit for her.

• They're experienced (they had an Australian Shepard and loved her)
• They have more money than us (they spent over 6k in medical expenses for their last dog)
• They are more active than us (they love to bike, run, go on trails, camp, etc.)
• They have a big BIG yard she can run around in

The puppy was very excited to go with them and she got a lot of belly rubs. She gave plenty of kisses in return. I know this couple is a perfect fit and we did the right thing. My mom finally listened to me (she and I both agreed that she deserved better) and we get along now.

Thanks to everyone for your advice!

 

[RedsDad]

Glad it worked out you did the right thing.

 

[SusanLynn]

Well done! You made the right decision for your dog and for yourself. You've given this dog the best possible home in which she can thrive.

Based on what you've said here, I'd probably not recommend getting any dog. If your mother still wants a dog, let me share my experience adopting Asher, my current dog.

After Miles passed away, I decided to go with a rescue group rather than the local shelter. The rescue group had fostered Asher in a home setting and they were able to give me a thorough and accurate description of his personality, behavior, and activity level. After I brought him home, we had a two-week trial period before the adoption was finalized. The rescue group's policy was that it would take any dog back at any time for any reason. Everything went very, very smoothly, and I'm very pleased with my decision to bring Asher into my home.

As a potential first-time dog owner, you would do better going with a rescue group that could help you select the best candidate for your home and lifestyle.

 

[LMMB]

…am I the only one who thinks it all happened a bit quick?!

We’re in an economic downturn, facing, if not actually in, another global recession. People are giving up their much loved, family-member pets simply because they can’t afford them.

Yet the OP managed to go from arguing about rehoming this dog, posting this thread, and, without rescue back-up, managed to find a great, loving, caring home for their dog, convince their (“manipulative”) mother that it’s the right thing to do for the dog…in a mere 4 days?

Yes, puppies are cute and find homes quicker than adults, but something doesn’t add up for me.

@Chomby , I hope for the dog’s sake that the new owners are every bit what they said they are. I’d suggest you let this be a lesson not to impulse buy an animal again.

 

[Chomby]

…am I the only one who thinks it all happened a bit quick?!

We’re in an economic downturn, facing, if not actually in, another global recession. People are giving up their much loved, family-member pets simply because they can’t afford them.

Yet the OP managed to go from arguing about rehoming this dog, posting this thread, and, without rescue back-up, managed to find a great, loving, caring home for their dog, convince their (“manipulative”) mother that it’s the right thing to do for the dog…in a mere 4 days?

Yes, puppies are cute and find homes quicker than adults, but something doesn’t add up for me.

@Chomby , I hope for the dog’s sake that the new owners are every bit what they said they are. I’d suggest you let this be a lesson not to impulse buy an animal again.

We both feel guilty for being impulsive. My mom wanted a dog so I went with it, but we soon realized that we made a mistake. We took this pup from a place that didn't take care of her at all. She had fleas and worms. She felt better after we adopted her.

We were very lucky to have found such great people to take her. Just because it happened quickly doesn't mean I'm not being truthful. This couple was actively seeking another sheepdog after theirs passed away. They were very nice and it was clear to me that they had the money and experience to care for her.

There was a happy ending here, and my mom and I learned from this experience. I'd appreciate it if you didn't question my integrity. The puppy is in loving hands.

 

[SusanLynn]

I'm really glad all worked out for you. When I decided to rehome that first dog I wrote about, it happened very quickly too. I contacted a few local rescues, and I was able to place him in a private no-kill shelter within two or three days. When I checked the shelter's FB page, I was amazed to see that he had been adopted the very same afternoon. He was one of the fastest adoptions they had ever had!

A lot of first-time dog owners show up on this forum wondering what they have gotten themselves into. Each situation is different. The main consideration is to make sure that the pup has the best care and the best outcome. Well done!