[Mojo]

I lost my previous much loved dog last year and me and my husband were very sad and unhappy. Through a neighbour website we adopted a rescue from abroad who has been with us for only six days but we are both regretting our decision. We are feeling sick and I’ll and can hardly focus on anything else. She is a lovely dog and is quiet and seems housetrained but immediately we saw her she was much larger than we expected. On the scale of small/medium or medium/large she is medium large and will need lots of exercise and care.
We are both in our sixties and feel really stupid at having made such a bad decision at our age and are upset sometimes with each other.
Obviously training is not the answer, yesterday out in the leash she pulled and I slipped in mud and twisted my knee.
I feel like I’m the worse kind of person for even thinking like this, she is a sweet dog who deserves people more robust than we are. I know it’s only been a short time but it’s nit an obstacle that training can resolve. Please kind comments only. I feel frail at the moment.

 

[LMMB]

I lost my previous much loved dog last year and me and my husband were very sad and unhappy. Through a neighbour website we adopted a rescue from abroad who has been with us for only six days but we are both regretting our decision. We are feeling sick and I’ll and can hardly focus on anything else. She is a lovely dog and is quiet and seems housetrained but immediately we saw her she was much larger than we expected. On the scale of small/medium or medium/large she is medium large and will need lots of exercise and care.
We are both in our sixties and feel really stupid at having made such a bad decision at our age and are upset sometimes with each other.
Obviously training is not the answer, yesterday out in the leash she pulled and I slipped in mud and twisted my knee.
I feel like I’m the worse kind of person for even thinking like this, she is a sweet dog who deserves people more robust than we are. I know it’s only been a short time but it’s nit an obstacle that training can resolve. Please kind comments only. I feel frail at the moment.

Hi. Welcome to the forum. Sorry it's under the circumstances.

First of all, you're not the worst. The Puppy/New Dog Blues is a thing, also known as the "What have I done?s" I had them with my lurcher, Milly, and while I wouldn't part with her now, (11 years later) the first 6 months or so that I had her were spent seesawing between keeping her and giving her up. Lots of tears, lots of "I can't cope with this", lots of "what have I done?"

How old is she? What breed or mix is she? Larger dogs don't necessarily need more exercise or training than smaller dogs, it just depends on the individual dog, its age and its genetic makeup.

However, as both you and your husband are feeling like this, she will be picking up on your feelings, (and that could be why she's so quiet) the best course of action would be to talk to the rescue and tell them how you feel. They may be able to sort something out with you, could be that they take her back. There's no shame in admitting that you're out of your depth, sometimes it just doesn't work out. It could well be that the perfect home for her is out there, and that your home isn't it.

But talk to the rescue sooner rather than later.

Be kind to yourself.

 

[JoanneF]

I just want to be clear - is it purely the size that concerns you? And - genuine question - why?

I ask, because if we can drill down into your concerns just a little further, we may be able to suggest things that could help. Because, I am guessing that if you had 100% made up your mind that she isn't going to fit into your lifestyle, you would have returned her to the rescue rather than posting.

 

[Mojo]

Hi. Welcome to the forum. Sorry it's under the circumstances.

First of all, you're not the worst. The Puppy/New Dog Blues is a thing, also known as the "What have I done?s" I had them with my lurcher, Milly, and while I wouldn't part with her now, (11 years later) the first 6 months or so that I had her were spent seesawing between keeping her and giving her up. Lots of tears, lots of "I can't cope with this", lots of "what have I done?"

How old is she? What breed or mix is she? Larger dogs don't necessarily need more exercise or training than smaller dogs, it just depends on the individual dog, its age and its genetic makeup.

However, as both you and your husband are feeling like this, she will be picking up on your feelings, (and that could be why she's so quiet) the best course of action would be to talk to the rescue and tell them how you feel. They may be able to sort something out with you, could be that they take her back. There's no shame in admitting that you're out of your depth, sometimes it just doesn't work out. It could well be that the perfect home for her is out there, and that your home isn't it.

But talk to the rescue sooner rather than later.

Be kind to yourself.

Hi thanks for replying… she is a mix … maybe terrier and something else. I try not to show my feelings and okay and interact with her but tbh she barked at something in the garden and it scared both of us a lot. I know we are wimps. We walk the neighbours Goldens and are okay with that. I dread walking her she is so reactive. I don’t want her to be unhappy .. she really deserves owner who doesn’t feel out if her depth.
You obviously gave Milly a lot of time and patience and maybe we would feel the same in time … if I was a few years younger I think I would feel different. I dint know.
My husband keeps saying he doesn’t think she is the right match for us at this stage in our lives. This feeling is not fair on Addy.

 

[Mojo]

I just want to be clear - is it purely the size that concerns you? And - genuine question - why?

I ask, because if we can drill down into your concerns just a little further, we may be able to suggest things that could help. Because, I am guessing that if you had 100% made up your mind that she isn't going to fit into your lifestyle, you would have returned her to the rescue rather than posting.

Yes I think her size is a major factor. Maybe because our last dog was a cavalier and we were comfortable with her.
Tbh feeling uncomfortable and a little scared around her.
I dint think I can offer a more thorough explanation
Thank you for replying

 

[JoanneF]

feeling uncomfortable and a little scared around her

Would it help to say she probably feels the same around you?

It takes several days for a rescue dog to decompress, weeks before they start understanding the home set up and even longer before they are really settled.

she barked at something in the garden and it scared both of us a lot

We could drill down into this more - she is a terrier mix, she will be alert to birds, cats, other movement and her nerves will be on high alert because of all the changes.

If you want to try to make this work, we can offer a lot of advice; probably the first piece being to ask whether the rescue has any support and importantly what their suggestions are because some of them do give very outdated suggestions.

But - sorry, I don't want this to sound unkind - you have a decision to make first.

Can I suggest you take an hour or two to really think this through. If your choice is to return her, there is no shame in admitting the match didn't work. If you choose to try, we will help all we can. We have dome great members here, over several time zones, so people will pitch in at different hours of the day with their wide and varied experience.

 

[Mojo]

Would it help to say she probably feels the same around you?

It takes several days for a rescue dog to decompress, weeks before they start understanding the home set up and even longer before they are really settled.


We could drill down into this more - she is a terrier mix, she will be alert to birds, cats, other movement and her nerves will be on high alert because of all the changes.

If you want to try to make this work, we can offer a lot of advice; probably the first piece being to ask whether the rescue has any support and importantly what their suggestions are because some of them do give very outdated suggestions.

But - sorry, I don't want this to sound unkind - you have a decision to make first.

Can I suggest you take an hour or two to really think this through. If your choice is to return her, there is no shame in admitting the match didn't work. If you choose to try, we will help all we can. We have dome great members here, over several time zones, so people will pitch in at different hours of the day with their wide and varied experience.

Thank you Joanne … yes you are right and a decision has to be made… I think my husband has made his mind up already … I’ve never seen him so unhappy. I need to think real hard.
I do like Addy … she is affectionate and smart… and I want her to be in a home where she’s happy.

 

[SusanLynn]

One of the biggest problems with the adoption process at many shelters (and with some rescue groups) is the pressure to sign formal, finalized adoption papers with very little information about the dog or time spent with the dog. I adopted my first dog from a public shelter after a 10-minute meet-and-greet in a play yard. What I discovered was that adopting from a shelter after a 10-minute meet-and-greet is a complete crapshoot. That dog and I turned out to be a poor match for each other. I rehomed him after two months, and I have absolutely no regrets about it. When a placement like this doesn't work out, adopters are made to feel like they've failed the dog when, in reality, the adopters and the dog have been set up for failure by the process.

When I adopted my current dog, I adopted through a rescue group that had fostered him in a home setting for a few months. Before I even met him, I received a very thorough and accurate description of his personality, his behavior, and his health. I then brought him home for a two-week trial period, and when the trial period was over, the adoption papers were finalized. If the placement didn't work, the rescue group would have gladly taken him back. Their priority was to ensure the best placement for their dog. Both my dog and I were set up for success, and the placement was very successful.

It's o.k. for you and your husband to return this dog. You've only had her for a week. Bringing her into your home should have been considered a "trial" from the beginning. There is no need to feel guilty about this. And, that doesn't mean that you and your husband are not suited to get another dog. You just need to take more time to find the right dog for you, and to do so in a way that will lead to a more successful adoption.

 

[Mojo]

Thank you for your thoughtful reply. I can honestly say this has made me feel so much better about the decision we have made.

 

[SusanLynn]

Hi @Mojo

I first became a member of this forum when I adopted that first dog seeking advice on how to train him. He was not a good fit for a number of reasons, and I rehomed him through a private no-kill shelter. He was adopted just three hours later by a young, active couple with lots of previous dog experience. I feel that I did right by him, and by me too.

I stayed on as an active member of this forum and soaked up as much information as I could. Three months later, I adopted the sweetheart you see in my avatar. His name was Miles. I also adopted Miles from a public shelter, but I spent quite some time interacting with him and observing him at the shelter. His happy, easy-going personality was very apparent, and we nearly instantly bonded through the bars of his kennel. While the shelter had no information about his past, I'm sure that he had been a much loved dog, probably by an older person who could no longer care for him. As a somewhat older dog, he was mellow and enjoyed leisurely walks around the neighborhood, which suited my lifestyle. We enjoyed some beautiful years together until he passed. My current dog, Asher, is just like Miles. I knew exactly what I wanted when I contacted the rescue group.

My advice to you and your husband is to consider a smaller dog. Consider factors such as personality, behavior, and energy level. Be open to a middle-aged (or even older) dog that will be more like the one you loved and lost. Look for a rescue group that will work with you to ensure the best fit. Take your time. When you come across the right dog, you'll know it.

 

[Mojo]

I feel tearful reading this. It feels so wrong to reject a dog but I love that you have been through this and understand the flaws and pitfalls that adopters can encounter.
It’s heartening to hear your story about Miles and Asher … so glad it worked out and I who knows maybe in the future we will find the right little (underscore) dog…
Thanks 🙏

 

[Mojo]

Ps … what a little sweetheart 😊

 

[New2fostering]

I lost my previous much loved dog last year and me and my husband were very sad and unhappy. Through a neighbour website we adopted a rescue from abroad who has been with us for only six days but we are both regretting our decision. We are feeling sick and I’ll and can hardly focus on anything else. She is a lovely dog and is quiet and seems housetrained but immediately we saw her she was much larger than we expected. On the scale of small/medium or medium/large she is medium large and will need lots of exercise and care.
We are both in our sixties and feel really stupid at having made such a bad decision at our age and are upset sometimes with each other.
Obviously training is not the answer, yesterday out in the leash she pulled and I slipped in mud and twisted my knee.
I feel like I’m the worse kind of person for even thinking like this, she is a sweet dog who deserves people more robust than we are. I know it’s only been a short time but it’s nit an obstacle that training can resolve. Please kind comments only. I feel frail at the moment.

My neighbour just adopted a pup last year she thought was one breed & tutned out to be a much more active breed. She's in her 70's and commented that she feel she was tricked by the person that sold her the puppy., so you are certainly not alone. I recently fostered two pups for the first time and I'm in my late 50's . When it came time to find them there forever home I felt I knew exactly what each dog needed. The 1st got adopted the less than 24 hrs after her pictures were posted and to the exact type of home we wanted for her. Her brother was with us for two weeks longer because the only applications were from single people who would be working all day. I was pressured by the agency to make a decision even though Iknew a single person was the wrong fit. This dog was a bigger dog & quiet & incredibly loving and caring but he did not like to be left alone and even another dog to play with would have been good for him. Instead I let myself be bullied into giving him to a young man in his 20's who lives with his parents and is working all day. The dog is not only alone but in a crate all day and at night. I know he hates it and he is very rarely outside in the back yard. I feel like I did this dog a grave injustice. Coincidentally the guy that adopted him lives in our neighbourhood. I feel horrible. But for you I am sure you can re-home the dog. Try kijiji and make sure you are happy with who gets him. I was so new at fostering I didn't pick up on the red flags until weeks after the adoption.
Health concerns like falling are major concerns so you have a right to be concerned. A small dog would be so much better for you too take on walks without the fear of falling & injuring yourself. I have that same issue which is why I fostered large dogs as pups because I knew I couldn't handle them as big dogs so I could much more easily give them up. I hope this makes you feel better.

 

[JoanneF]

This is an old thread so I'm closing it to further replies.