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I really didn't know what else to title this as but I was wondering if anyone else has problems with being overly possessive of their animals.

I already have a hard enough time knowing my BF is home taking care of Aayla without my supervision. We have very different views on puppy raising. I'm always wanting 100% supervision, no biting hands/clothes, no jumping up, no encouraging over excitable behavior and much more along the lines of trying to shape a calm and happy dog. He loves getting Aayla as excited as she possibly can get in all situations. He holds her in awkward positions until she struggles and lets her go, blows on her face so she bites at his, he has her jump all over him, lets her wander unsupervised, and today started calling her to him when I was working on loose leash walking.

Its driving me up the wall, he is trying to abide by my rules but is very grumpy about it. I'm "ruining" the fun of owning a puppy. I came home last to find my BF and his dad watching TV while Aayla was chewing on her clicker, my shoes had been chewed on and when I got mad his defense was that he didn't notice, which is what I was mad about, he wasn't watching her. I told him that unless he is watching her to have her leashed or in her playpen.

I don't want him training her at all, I don't want him walking her or having people over and letting them do whatever they want with her. I would be a control freak and a horrible person to forbid him to invite people over. Yet I just want him to follow the rules I have for her. I can barely stand his dog's untrained habits, and do not want her to be like Kota at all.

I've always been like this though. I don't want anyone but myself training my dogs/horses. I don't want anyone interacting with them when I'm not present.

That makes me a control freak and a micro manager, but for so long I've had everyone else completely RUIN my training with my animals and I have never been around other people that are willing to follow my rules and know what they are doing. It stresses me out to no end and it is putting an occasional strain on my relationships because that is the one thing I really get bent out of shape on. I get snappy and very passive aggressive. Does anyone else get like this?
 

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All. The. Time. I was just at the dog park with my husband, and had to tell him off because he throws the ball when Levi barks. I was like "Nooooo. No. No. No" He's a good guy though, he listens, sees the logic and then follows my rules.

I actually get the most annoyed when my mother-in-law refers to my dogs as "my puppies". No. They're MY puppies.
 

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I have a certain way I like Buster to be interacted with, played with etc. I don't think it's being obsessive per say you're just being a good and responsible owner. Maybe try and sit down to have a chat with BF and explain why you like things done a certain way, explain how his way can effect the dog etc, explain it may sound like your being a 'buzzkill' just now but later in life when you have a happy, confident well behaved dog he'll be thankful.

It took me a long time to get my Dad and sister to come round on the dog training. Before they never took much interest but now they actively help me, even when I'm not around which is great.

Before they would say they don't understand why I spend so much time working with him, but after seeing the finished product of a trained dog they're on board :)
 
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I think the problem isn't that you're so possessive of your dog but rather that you're pissed off your boyfriend is screwing up your dog's training. It's like having two drastically different parenting styles--you're going to clash. I think you'd probably be acting less "it's my dog!" if he weren't allowing her and encouraging her to engage in bad, rude behavior and antagonizing her. I imagine if he were as good a trainer and puppy raiser as you, the situation would make yo much more relaxed and comfortable.

I would be very mad in that situation with leaving her with him too, and with good reason. An unsupervised little puppy could easily get killed by ingesting something dangerous or chewing on a wire. Honestly I think this is something that you REALLY need to discuss with him, and come to some serious compromises. Something like this can cause some serious relationship problems, as well as a badly behaved dog.
 

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Thanks guys, it makes me feel better knowing I'm not the only one. I do end up having conversations with the BF, he just doesn't understand it, though most of the time he will take what I say and do it. At least when I'm there, lets not get started on my worries about what happens when I'm not there.

He has always had a dog that just hangs out in the backyard with minimal training. He once told me that he thought it was cruel to do training because what animal would like to be forced to do things...We actually had a heated argument on that one. He also takes all of my rules as a direct hit from me saying he is a bad dog owner. So he gets offended because how he wants to interact with Aayla is exactly how he interacts with Kota and I pretty much shut him down telling him that all of that creates bad habits. In the end he is starting to understand my point, but its a long road of trying to change his opinion on dog ownership.

I have a really really hard time standing up for myself and things I believe in. So I think I get really stressed out trying to enforce my rules about the dog because my BF gets so offended. I am so unconfrontational that I typically end up doing whatever to keep the peace. I'm trying to not nitpick at him for everything, but its hard not to.
 

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You are far from alone and believe me, things don't improve with age, lol

DH is a Type A, just pay attention to the "surface things". I am Type B, Master Drill Sergeant organized.

He fashions himself a dog trainer and handler of horses because he's been around mine for 13 years:headshake:

We just had a go-round a week ago because DH wasn't paying attention and let my IR/foundered horse get into the main pasture with the Bully horse.

Thankfully I was able to yell at the Bully horse to where he backed off from biting the IR horse in the flanks. Most of the time I carry a buggy whip to keep his pushy self in line and I think he thought I had that whip, when I didn't. He backed off enough to give me time to open the man gate and let the IR horse come back into the yard.

Anyway, we are retired age and I have grown really cantankerous over the years. The words "lawyer up" rolled off my lips before I could think to bite my tongue, lol lol

That ought to tell you how good this subject gets as we get older:hammer::hammer:
 

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Hahaha, significant others always seem to be the biggest obstacle to training!

My bf's the same way, I was very anxious about him interacting with Delilah when we first got her, and still am to some degree. It did get better though. Something that helped was finding a good PR class and making him come along. I thought if he wouldn't listen to me, he might listen to a "professional" and could ask her his questions. And he did get better, he doesn't even yell at her for having accidents anymore and took to clicker training really well!

When we first got her I got so anxious whenever they were home alone because he wouldn't watch her, wouldn't take her out often enough, and she had accidents. I also caught him once after he had made a sandwich and had extra cheese- he wanted to give her some and told her "sit... sit... SIT" without even using a hand signal. Even I was confused. And then he still gave her the cheese when she didn't sit!

He kind of was like the general public- not really into training, expecting her to be like his last dogs, expecting her to automatically know the rules, thinking that he can do whatever he wants and that she should always listen because "he's the human." Unfortunately the last one is still true and she's starting to get snappy with him when he bothers her. I told him he can't do that and he says that he should be able to do whatever he wants with her because she's a dog and he's a human. :mad: Now whenever he complains that she likes me more I tell him it's because I actually respect her.

I'm still a little anxious about leaving them home alone because he still doesn't take her out very often and she has a tiny bladder! Also, if I ever heard that he did anything that I normally do with her like taking her off-leash hiking or introducing her to strange dogs, I would probably freak out. I know that's a little hypocritical but even though she's okay doing those things with me, he doesn't know as much about behavior and training and I'd be worried that something would go wrong.

So yeah, I'm a bit of a control freak too.
 

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I think fights after bringing a new dog home are really common. It's stressful!! And we put so much pressure on ourselves (and our partners, and our dogs) to somehow get it all right, from the start.

At the same time, I have zero interest in micromanaging my partner. He's a grown-up, and a pretty capable one at that. Not a very capable dog trainer, it must be said. He will tend to reinforce behaviors that I find annoying, and will lightly poison cues by using them in high-stress or "test" situations without an adequate history of reinforcement. I have to bite my tongue sometimes, or ask him to change certain habits. I also chose a dog who is a much better fit for me than for him...she's a lot of dog, and although that makes her a fun challenge for me, she's more of a frustrating struggle for him, and I try to remember that.

At the same time, my training goals are just that: mine. My goals, my responsibility. There's no international gold standard for dog behavior, there's just whatever makes the people who live with the dog happy (and whatever helps the dog live a safe, happy, fulfilled life). My partner doesn't necessarily care if the dog sits every time he asks, or comes every time he calls. He does care that she tries to bite his face when he sits down to put on his running shoes, but I've pointed out that that's easily fixable. If at some point he wants to actually do the work to fix it, I'll be happy to help (or not, if he'd prefer). In the meantime, our dog does sit when I ask her, come when I call her, and hardly ever bites me at all anymore. I have to do some extra work sometimes, to fix things he's accidentally taught her, but that's okay with me. He does extra work sometimes too, like when I am tired and simply don't feel like standing outside in the cold to watch our dog poop, and he buttons on his jacket and does what is necessary.

My partner is responsible, and doesn't take silly risks with our dog's safety. He makes mistakes, just like I do, and some of his are total head-scratchers (so are some of mine, come to that, and I appreciate when he doesn't rub my nose in them!). I have a few specific goals for our dog, and one of them is that she has trusting, affectionate, healthy relationships with us. I don't see any way that my partner can have that kind of relationship with the dog if I'm always standing over him, nit-picking everything he does. I think that would make a person not want to try at all (just like punishment with dogs). When he does stuff I like, I tell him. When he does stuff I have a true problem with, I tell him, and he stops (or we talk about it, anyway). The rest, I let go.

I don't know...that's probably not particularly helpful. I can be a control freak too, and have had to learn how to relax about a few things. Mostly, I'd just rather have all of us be good friends than any of us be perfect, and try to keep that in mind when he tells her to "sit!" and gives her the cookie for lying down. :eyeroll:
 

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Thanks guys, it makes me feel better knowing I'm not the only one. I do end up having conversations with the BF, he just doesn't understand it, though most of the time he will take what I say and do it. At least when I'm there, lets not get started on my worries about what happens when I'm not there.

He has always had a dog that just hangs out in the backyard with minimal training. He once told me that he thought it was cruel to do training because what animal would like to be forced to do things...We actually had a heated argument on that one. He also takes all of my rules as a direct hit from me saying he is a bad dog owner. So he gets offended because how he wants to interact with Aayla is exactly how he interacts with Kota and I pretty much shut him down telling him that all of that creates bad habits. In the end he is starting to understand my point, but its a long road of trying to change his opinion on dog ownership.

I have a really really hard time standing up for myself and things I believe in. So I think I get really stressed out trying to enforce my rules about the dog because my BF gets so offended. I am so unconfrontational that I typically end up doing whatever to keep the peace. I'm trying to not nitpick at him for everything, but its hard not to.

Have you tried telling him that an Aussie is a very intelligent breed of dog and if you don't harness that intelligence and teach them commands and tricks, so that they get mentally tired, they will think up their own things to do and 10 to 1 the owner will not like what they think up. You could also explain that you want a bilingual dog that not only speaks dog but knows some human words. That training a dog properly is not forcing it to do something, that learning is a job for them and the rewards are their paycheck, that if he did not want to train he would not be forced to like you see with dominance based trainers who train by using punishment as a consequence.
 
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I get very possessive, yep. Mostly thanks to dad, whom when we still had Sam, would ACTIVELY go against my training and efforts because 'He's just a puppy, you need to let him puppy!' by way of .. biting things, chewing on hands, peeing everywhere, and so on and so on. I sometimes think if Sam hadn't gotten sick he'd have grown up into a very, very confused adult. What's okay to do? What isn't?

Rules exist for reasons!!! No biting! No jumping up! It might be cute when they're 5 pounds but what about when they're 50 or 80?
 

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I'm the same. I HATE that my mother doesn't listen to my instructions and lets Tessa get away with EVERYTHING. She's the reason I haven't gotten her demand barking under control yet. It's better than it was before, but still...She also has a tendency to be over generous with the cookies, and shares her toast in the morning with Tessa - the dog that has issues keeping herself trim! I scrutinize every calorie that goes in and out only to be sabotaged by the extra cookies I don't know about.

I mean she's great, she loves Tessa to pieces, she watches her when I need a puppy sitter, and is an all around great gran-dog-ma, but I just need her to follow my training and feeding directions! lol. I hate worrying about what she's letting her get away with, or if she accidentally gets out (my mom has 0 credibility with Tessa, which mean 0 recall), or what she's feeding her without me knowing. UGH, I just wish I could be at home with Tessa 24/7.
 

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Yes, I feel the same when somebody thinks that knows better on how to train my dog. I'm always open to have an advice but not when he/she tries to force me doing smth their way. It's MY dog! :)
 

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Yeah, I can relate to the SO and having other people training Tucker. SO does the blowing in the face but at the same time has a really soft presence so Tucker gets nippy when he comes over. Somehow I'm supposed to fix that (he doesn't nip anyone else - I did fix that as a puppy) while he's pulling away and basically initiating play with him. Regardless of how many times I say stand your ground and don't let him do that (not dominating, just don't be a pushover) he still doesn't get it.

As for the MY dog thing, yes. I'm fortunate enough to have close friends that know a ton about dogs and are active in the dog training/rescue community. They correct dogs very similarly to how I do and yet when they do it to Tucker I get this small flare of anger like "How dare you correct my dog." Even if it's something I would do in that situation, I just hate when other people do it. And don't even get me started on the people who know nothing about dogs and try it.
 

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Reading this made me feel a bit at ease to know I'm not the only one like this! My husband urks me to no end when it comes to his thought process on dogs. I'm a BIG animal person. I've been passionate about them since I was 3, and I've learned quite a lot and he knows nothing. It doesn't bother me that he knows nothing, but when I try to educated him about Teddy's breed and the common health issues he can get, and we need to not teach him certain things, I'm "annoying" and "I nag too much" thanks to my husband, I had to toss my xpen out because he taught Teddy how to climb out of it. He taught him how to jump on our bed, which again I don't mind because I love when Teddy cuddles with us, but Teddy used to stare me down until I finally said "ok" and then he'd come up on the furniture. He thinks teaching Teddy to dig in the hamper and grab his socks is funny. Last but certainly not least, he has taught Teddy that it is ok to bite his hands, it's funny to him and he's turned it into a game. Sometimes I just want to scream or kill him lol because one day Teddy's going to "playfully bite" the wrong person and they'll think he's aggressive when he's the most friendliest dog. My husband was deployed 3 days after I got Teddy, he came back when Teddy was about 8 months old so he was already fully trained and was so good! Now it's like pulling my hair out on a daily basis.
 

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In a lot of ways, I'm probably the opposite! Haha

I'm strange in that I don't really love training. I dont actively hate it, in fact one of the greatest feelings in the world is when Chisum finally "gets" something, but I tend to be really hard on myself and constantly think I am doing something wrong, which leads to a lot of frustration.

Chisum is the first dog I've trained past casually training the basics: sit, down, come, off, etc. I never paid much attention to learning about various motivations and behaviors until him. This is large part due to the fact that I HAD to. If he wasn't so impulsive, reactive, and fearful I probably wouldn't have bothered.

Also, while there are a few things I don't want to deal with, I'm actually really lax when it comes to my pets :) As long as another person isn't hurting them or putting them in danger I don't care too much.

But, I do think training classes help. For me, they were awesome - its nice to get a professional opinion as well as guidance. So even though I don't always love training myself, I will go to classes like there's no tomorrow. Another benefit for your SO might be having someone outside the relationship give him some pointers. I went with my parents to some sessions and I think they not only had fun, they learned a lot.

In the meantime, have you considered coming up with a very short list of rules, and asking him to at least comply with those?
 

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I am the same.
I even made a list of really simple, really basic rules. E.g. Never use recall and have something bad following. Yet my partner calls him for bad things.
Another example is, i explained him that i want a relaese word and what its for and i let him pick. Not once has he used the word, he uses another one at all times.

Generally we are on the same page though. We both reward calm behaviours and ignore or redirect wild behaviours. E.g. we both ignore him when we get home and he is crazy until he calms down, we ask him to sit if he jumps up.
I also realize that i go a bit crazy with any new intrest, so i am flooding my partner with information and rules and the poor bugger cant quiet keep up.

Guests annoy me. When the dog does something he shouldnt and they reward him with attention. Such as jumping up and getting a pat. Or begging and then the guest says in the sweetest voice , no no no youre not allowed to beg, you should be going away.... and continues to give the dog attention,.... and so on. If anyone ever feeds my dog from their plate or table Im probablh going to get really angry. Haha
 

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My boyfriend and I argue about Cosmo all the time but mostly because I always want Cosmo to go with me and he doesn't. I really enjoy taking Cosmo places and letting him experience new things because dogs only get to experience in their lives what their owners let them, in my opinion, and I want his short little dog life to be as fulfilled and fun as possible, and for him to experience as many things as possible but sometimes he wants it to just be the two of us.

Which I kind of understand but I don't see the big deal in bringing Cosmo. He's like my baby. Once we went camping without Cosmo and it didn't feel right and I just missed him and wished he could be there to experience it and swim in the lake and chase the geese.

Sometimes he gets grumpy and bitter about it and it's frustrating!

Generally he lets me train Cosmo and tried to stay out of that portion though so that hasn't been a big issue.
 

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Everyone in a multiple person household (or any social life) will feel like this to a degree I guess.

But at some point you need to relax and accept that you cant control EVERYTHING. As frustrating as that is. It`s very hard for me to leave Ella for a few days with someone, but it`s getting easier as I`m working on my fears. At some point you just need to learn to let go and trust life. I`m not saying stop communicating your training preferences to your bf or telling people how to handle your dog, I`m just pointing out that there will always be some situation where you cannot be in control about who is interacting with your dog and you just need to trust and hope that nothing too bad will happen.

Luckily most people are not psychopaths so even if they mess up your cues a little etc or are a bit weird, it`s not the end of the world. Most people actually like animals, are compassionate and caring and even if they don`t follow your strict program, they manage to feed&entertain your dog without accidents.

I once had to leave Ella with a person I know isn`t good with dogs, I had no other choice. And I just sort of told her to "hang on" and that life isn`t all butterflies and peaches. She was fine, nothing bad happened. And that`s the attitude I try to carry (and hope she does too :)).

I also suggest searching how the majority of dogs in some other countries live - it will make you relax a bit. There are millions of dogs living on the streets with no steady food/shelter and they manage. Don`t over think it. They are versatile creatures and a lot smarter/tougher than we often give them credit for.
 
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