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Both times my husband and I got a dog I ended up being the only person to take care of the dog. It would start off that I would be the provider and the dog would form a bond with me and obey me readily. Then my husband just wanted to be “pack leader” without any work in training and care (meaning he ends up competing with me for the dogs attention when I’m trying to insure consistency and respect) and not have to do any of the dirty work. What I’m assuming is happening is that he convinces the dog that he’s pack leader and that’s why it becomes a lot more difficult for me to take care of the dog because the dog quits following my commands after my husband becomes pack leader. What do you take from this? Does this sound solely like a problem with me... a problem with my husband? I think of course the dog picks up on the power struggle and it weakens his ability in trusting my leadership... as I’m the one who waters, feeds, takes him out, walks him, bathes him, washes his stuff, trains him, everything. This makes life so much harder for me when the dog quits obeying me. I’m just now realizing with this second dog and suddenly things are starting to change just like with the first one we had... and I’m realizing after closer examination that both times my husband was actually trying to convince the dog that he’s pack leader when I’m trying so hard to train him, get him to respect me, and give him consistency in training/ and my husband doesn’t always support the consistency I’m trying to create. Husband gets him to come to him and commands him to stay with him right after I ask the dog to come to me as an example. I don’t know if we can have a dog unless my husband takes over most of the dog care (which he would never do any of it). What are your thoughts. There’s no way this can work without my husbands cooperation right? Can a dog have several alpha pack leaders in a family or is there typically just one main alpha and is it the one providing most of the care normally or not?
 

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Hi Joy,

I would like to suggest that you read the following article. The idea of a "pack leader" is a rather antiquated idea in dog training. I really wouldn't spend any time and energy worrying about who is the "alpha" in the family. To your dog, you are both humans. We humans overly complicate this. :cool:


But, what you definitely should strive for is consistency between you and your husband, You need to be on the same page in terms of caring for and training your new dog. You both need to support each other as equal partners. If you're on the same team, neither higher nor lower, I think you're going be happier. ?
 

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I think you need a trainer and not only for your dog but for your husband I'm sorry but it sounds as if the man has no respect for you whatsoever pack leadership is an antiquated idea however some men failed to understand this.
in our home we don't use this kind of method and our dogs have always listened to commands from myself my husband and even my then 6 year old daughter was able to give the dog a command which the dog would listen to it's called teamwork.
 

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The whole pack leader thing is a myth, as someone already mentioned.

But I think most dogs realize that men are stronger than women. It's the same in our family. I do all of the training, feeding, bathing, grooming, poop scooping, e.t.c my dog loves me and listens well to me, but regardless of what I want to do, he'd always rather play with daddy than with mommy. I think he just gets a bigger sense of satisfaction being able to keep his toy away from bigger, stronger, faster daddy. I don't really take offense to it because I'm glad my s.o. is doing something to bond with and care for the dog.

What age is your dog? If he's an adolescent, this may be a typical case of baby puppy who loves to please mommy grows into sassy teen who wants to push his limits and explore his independence. If he is a teen, keep giving him love and setting boundaries and he'll grow out of it.

Otherwise, is there something he's doing that's undermining your training? Training in a different way, for example, or encouraging him not to listen to you? If he's blatantly training the dog not to listen, that's certainly an issue.
 
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