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Discussion Starter · #1 · (Edited)
How is that for a pretty expressive title?

Background:

My husband and I got married this past October. We've been friends for 5.5 years and together 4.5(ish?) I promised him when we first started dating (as I am afraid of commitment and also of being hurt) that 'if we last 6 months, we can get a pet' - because he really wanted a pet and I didn't want to get one and then have to deal with pet-breakup-drama. (My sis and cousin have had to deal w/that stuff before and it just seemed illogical to get a pet in a new RS)...

Well we never wound up getting a pet for one reason or another (first b/c we were moving to a new apt, then bc that apt didnt allow pets, and finally b/c I developed a really bad and sudden allergy to cats and dogs I'd never had before).

Cut to the present. We were on our honeymoon and I said "well I guess it's time we get a puppy." (I'd always wanted a cat but clearly there are far more hypoallergenic dogs than cats). My husband got so excited! I knew he probably would have been fine continuing life just him and me. He is a care-taker personality type and I am kind of an independent person/social person/recluse who likes that he gives me tons of attention.

I've had dogs before - but growing up in Texas, they were always outside dogs. That and I had my twin sis, mom, and dad to also play with/take care of them. On my 25th birthday my sister gave me a lab who was still a bit of a puppy and I didn't want that responsibility at the time - I was working in Houston, had a smallish backyard (compared to what I was used to in San Antonio) and just didn't want to have to take care of him. Eventually I moved to NYC and he moved to my parents home and befriended my sister's lab (she had also moved to NYC but her lab always lived at home anyway).

(Sorry - I ramble)...

So I decide we are getting a poodle, bc my sis (again) had brought home a rescue poodle that was stuck in an elevator shaft - and he was the sweetest thing. Again, he lived outside, but we took short car rides together and he always seemed so happy - aaaand when I was done playing w/him I could go inside. (See where this is going?)

Now we have a black toy poodle (in my prof pic) - we got him around 15 weeks of age and have had him a little over two weeks. The first two days were fine - he poo'd (sometimes) and peed (always) in the right places. Then Monday came and Theron (husband) went to work. I tried to play w/the pup (Brigly) as Theron had, but he'd lose interest fast and start peeing in the wrong places. I put him in his playpen to clean up so he would not see me clean up (read that on some websites) - i even had a little comfy red chair for him but he fell asleep and peed in *it*!

He is good at crating - only cried the first two nights and a little now and then. After the first week things seemed a bit easier. I can play with him for a bit, feed him, and he gets in my lap a lot throughout the day. My husband usually takes him for walks when he gets home, and I will run up and down the stairs with him and play other games.

He hasn't had formal training yet - I am waiting to get his last round of shots on the 10th before looking into that - b/c I definitely want to train him.

Right now he is definitely a puppy and usually a good one. He often pees on the EDGE of his pad (ARG) and poops just to the side of it (again ARG), but he also seems to have bonded more with my husband than me.

Now this is the part where I expect to be called stupid but it is an emotional thing for me... My hubby always sings silly songs he makes up on the spot, and they've always been about us, what we're doing (we're driving, going to get some dindin) etc, and now it's always about Brigly. I don't mind him playing w/Brigly when he gets home or taking him for walks, but I feel like I am not getting the affection I am used to because of Brigly. Sure, at night we still cook together which I love, but Theron has recently started putting Brigly in a carrying case so when he chops Brigly is right there (whereas before he seemed content enough to be on the floor watching us). IDK - am I a crazy person to be jealous for wanting the little time we have together after he gets home to be *ours*?

Also - I know bonding with a puppy takes time -!!!
He JUST popped three places in front of his mat instead of on it! ARG

I am trying to get work done during the day - writing for a blog for a startup company - this takes research and he is continuously distracting my train of thought. I feel bad because (Depsite what he JUST DID ARG) he is sweet puppy and I think he means well....

How can I learn to love him? Do I just not have maternal instincts? Is it stupid to be jealous? (I dont like change in general).

Am I incapable?

Also - He has issues w/separation anxiety. When my husband (who he adores) leaves to shower or go to work, he really whines a lot. I hold him and say 'it's ok, Brigly.' etc and then when the both of us crate him or put him in his playpen to get ready he screams like crazy! and when we leave - its wailing and screaming.

I know you guys will say 'give it time' 'go for walks to bond' 'train him' etc. Any advice though is helpful.

-Val!
 

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Welcome to the forum.
If you feel jealous or resentful about the puppy he will sense this and not know what it is. Since you using pads for him to potty on I would baby gate him in a safe room with his pad and plenty of toys when you are busy. or just keep him in his playpen when working. This way if he misses the pad it will be easy to clean up.

If he fusses to get out, just ignore him. Only take him out when he is calm and quiet. Do not try so hard to bond with him, just do things together. If and when he gets bored or tired just put him up to rest or hold him in your lap while you type. Any physical contact helps with the bonding process. Make a flirt pole (toy on a stick) and make your play toy with him. Hubby not allowed to use..:) That way you have something just you and him do together.

It does take time, just be patient and positive and will work out great.
 

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Do you have a house? I hate pee pads. Why on earth someone would train their pet that it's ok to use my house as a bathroom so long as it's on this one little mat is beyond me. I outside train and then the dogs whine to go out to the bathroom and we have 0 accidents. 14wk old puppy already trained on that. I'm sure there are going to be pro pee pad people on here telling me I'm an idiot but yuck, outside train!

He puts the dog on the counter? Unsanitary and I'd tell him that. It's nice that he loves the dog. My husband and I are definetly dog people. They center pretty well in our lives but I'd never put one on the counter. Mainly because I don't want them thinking they are allowed on the counter or that they can take things from the counter. Bad habit to be teaching imo.

As for his singing about the dog, eh. Relationships change with time. My only big rule is that if I'm trying to have a seroius conversation with him he'd better stop coddling and talking to the dogs or I'll brain him with a lamp or something. lol

Can you get the dog attached to a toy or stuffed animal that makes him feel secure when ya'll aren't around? Otherwise I have no tips on anxiety as I've never had to deal with it.

Oh and you have to teach the dog it's place in your life. Our pup thinks it needs to be all up in our business while we are trying to eat. We ignored him. He's now learned to sit peacefully and watch instead of trying to shove his head in various places. So, if you are working on your computer and the dog has toys strewn about but is whining at your feet, well I'd ignore him personally. I'm a believer in tastey chewey occupiers as well. Anyway, my dogs are always near me but I'm not always paying attention to them. Don't feel too bad about that.
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
"Since you using pads for him to potty on I would baby gate him in a safe room with his pad and plenty of toys when you are busy. or just keep him in his playpen when working. This way if he misses the pad it will be easy to clean up."

Good advice. He always *does* fuss to get out - and we try to ignore him. He eventually quiets down. He's a little better in his kennel/crate of course, but clearly can't play nearly as much in there. I wish he would play in his puppy pen (and he does when he can freely go in and out) but when we close him in it he whines/barks, then just eventually looks pitiful but stays quiet and hardly moves till we get him out.

"If and when he gets bored or tired just put him up to rest or hold him in your lap while you type."

I do need to crate him more during the day. Right now he is in my lap and has been a lot.

"Any physical contact helps with the bonding process."

That's good to know!!!

" Make a flirt pole (toy on a stick) and make your play toy with him. Hubby not allowed to use.. That way you have something just you and him do together."

Ohhh I love that idea!!! Thanks so much!

"It does take time, just be patient and positive and will work out great."

Thank you! It will take me time to adjust to our new family member - and I know that. Thank you for responding :)
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
Do you have a house? I hate pee pads. Why on earth someone would train their pet that it's ok to use my house as a bathroom so long as it's on this one little mat is beyond me. I outside train and then the dogs whine to go out to the bathroom and we have 0 accidents. 14wk old puppy already trained on that. I'm sure there are going to be pro pee pad people on here telling me I'm an idiot but yuck, outside train!
I definitely see what you mean.. but he has to go very frequently - and we live in WI. Definitely right now its warm, but lately its been in the 20's and often rainy. This is more my whining than anything. As I mentioned, I'm a recluse.

He puts the dog on the counter? Unsanitary and I'd tell him that.
Oh no he doesnt put him on the counter!! He has a little sac he puts the dog in so the dog is like at his side while he cooks.

Re the stuffed animal thing - we got him a cpl and he likes them, but doesnt seem super attached. He's in his crate now bc he was sleepy and isn't whining, but if i left im sure he would start up.

So, if you are working on your computer and the dog has toys strewn about but is whining at your feet, well I'd ignore him personally. I'm a believer in tastey chewey occupiers as well. Anyway, my dogs are always near me but I'm not always paying attention to them. Don't feel too bad about that.
Yeah I'll try that. I just dont like him wandering and getting into things. I section off the dining room (where I work) but it stuck has places he gets under or behind... I know, this probably means I need to do some rearranging.
 

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Good advice. He always *does* fuss to get out - and we try to ignore him. He eventually quiets down. He's a little better in his kennel/crate of course, but clearly can't play nearly as much in there. I wish he would play in his puppy pen (and he does when he can freely go in and out) but when we close him in it he whines/barks, then just eventually looks pitiful but stays quiet and hardly moves till we get him out.
Throw one of your or your hubby's dirty shirts in there with him to feel comfortable with. Plenty of toys and chews to entertain him. When you walk by pet on him ...squeak a toy..throw it down. Make it a fun place to be..:) Try to never use it as a place of punishment.
 

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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
Throw one of your or your hubby's dirty shirts in there with him to feel comfortable with. Plenty of toys and chews to entertain him. When you walk by pet on him ...squeak a toy..throw it down. Make it a fun place to be..:) Try to never use it as a place of punishment.
See that's another problem - i dont HAVE a place of punishment I can use. He does have a lot of toys but im sure we could get more. The thing is he just ALWAYS wants to be able to be with us. Where can I put him for punishment?
 

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What do you need to punish him for? Punishing can cause more problems then the problem itself. It sometimes best to ignore the bad and praise the good.

The photo under your name is your avatar...so you have to edit avatar and load it there..:)
 

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Thanks!!

And... where do I find the avatar to change it??
User CP in the top green bar. When you click it it brings you to your page and you just locate avatar on the list ont he left.
 

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Lots of good advice!

Our puppy was aloof upon adopting, and when she started coming out of her shell, my husband was the clear favorite out of the two of us. I also am at home all day, and it almost felt like he was the "fun one" since I was around all the time doing all the mundane things. Anyway, I found that our bond was just a slow burning one, and since I'm the one that does most of the training (both practical things and tricks), we really bonded through that. It's been really rewarding to see our relationship blossom over the last few months, going from her practically ignoring me to her making sure she jumps up to give me good morning kisses before she goes out with Dad. Make sure you have special activities with Brigly and as you know, lots and lots and lots of patience. I invited Penny to do everything with me, no matter how mundane--even coming to the bathroom to watch me brush my teeth!

I also talk to Penny a lot. I probably look like a crazy person, but she seems to like that I talk to her like a human, and Brigly may too.
 

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Discussion Starter · #13 ·
Hi All,

Just wanted to write a 5 month-ish follow up. (post adoption that is).
It's crazy how stressed I was about all this. But yeah - being a new puppy mom *was* really hard and stressful... and at this point I can't believe it's already been almost 5 months since we've had him. He is such a natural part of our lives now.

We used to crate him at night but typically now he just sleeps with us - sometimes at the foot of our bed, sometimes with his head on one of our chests/arms - it's even kind of fun to wake up and see who he's decided to cuddle up with. This morning he was on his dad's stomach curled up to my arm and side (as I had my head on my husband's chest as well).

I just wanted to say thanks for giving me an outlet to express my anxiety several months ago. And to let you all know that Brigly is doing great and you guys were right :)

-Val!
 

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My 8 week old little sweetheart barks and whines most of the time when she needs to go. I use the pads in her crate at night in case of an accident. We used the pads on our other pup but decided to end that and just take her outside very often. Two reasons not to use them for us was, they are too expensive and they are annoying.
 

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I was a mess the first month I had Bentley, We are now so closely bonded, I love him with every fiber of my heart.. I swore I would never do that again, get another puppy or dog, when he was little, then it was maybe I will get an adult dog again someday.. well guess what, Bentley is not even 2 yet, and I just brought home Velvet, who will be 10 weeks tomorrow.. got her 10 days ago.. I loved her the second I met her. It is totally different this time, I am totally happy she is here, and love her as much as I love Bentley. I think getting your first puppy is a huge adjustment and lifestyle change.. plus puppies are TONS of work. once they get older they mature and get way easier. Have you looked into a puppy training class, or a private trainer? I found that really helped me, I was unsure about what I was doing training Bentley and the reassurance helped, also learning what I was doing incorrectly helped too!
 

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:)Oh my goodness, you sound like a typical Mom with a new baby...and that's okay...really, new puppies and new little humans are very similar...and quite overwhelming at times. First thing you have to do is get you some self confidence here. There are puppy training classes everywhere, find one that fits your schedule and budget and sign up today!

It will be great for you to network with other puppy people. And if you're doing training and your partner is doing training puppy gets the best of both of you. You also really don't have to be jealous. It's okay, you still have a puppy, if you're both involved in his care he'll grow to love both of you. With you probably spending more time with him, he'll probably grow closer to YOU in fact.

Potty training is probably why I always adopted adults...but there's a lot of people on the forum who can give you excellent advice about it...be positive, try to have a sense of humor about it. When you're potty training a human toddler you have to tell yourself he won't be going to high school in diapers, same thing with a puppy...this phase shall pass and he'll figure it out. You'll be fine, hugs and purrs...
 
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