[Randall]

Female Australian Terrier. 11 years 2 months. Name-Ella. Medical history- Anal glands expressed very frequently. Reoccurring UTI. Allergies in her middle years. Past year eyesight & hearing diminishing. November 2022 diagnosed bladder stones. Placed on Hills Urinary Care diet. February 2023 presented vomiting yellow bile between meals. Several episodes of black tarry stool followed by spots of mucus diarrhea. Stool returned to normal on its own. Yellow bile vomiting continued at times day & night between meals. Eating & drinking less. Tremors & shaking at time. Weight loss. Local Vet ran urinalysis & CBC. Only abnormal numbers were proteinuria 0.8. Urinalysis showed no crystals. IV drip for 8 hours then sent home with meds twice a day for 14 days. Lasix, enalapril, ondansetron. 3 days later no improvement. Almost no appetite. Very little water intake. Trouble urinating with mucus strings if she did dribble urine. Tremors. Wheezing breathing. Severe weight loss. Lethargic. Depressed body language. Incontinence. No bowel movement for days. Vet says she’s not a candidate for euthanasia yet. Now he’s out of town. As well as whatever is wrong with her this is taking an extreme toll on me. I can’t stand to see her so sick and miserable. Another Vet hours away says by telephone if I bring her in he would run another CBC & hospitalize her for days. Plus every other test available. She has extreme separation anxiety issues. I’m not sure she would survive hospitalization regardless of her health condition. My heart is torn…

 

[JoanneF]

I'm sorry, I don't have advice but I didn't want to read and run. Hopefully other members will reply soon.

 

[Randall]

I'm sorry, I don't have advice but I didn't want to read and run. Hopefully other members will reply soon.

Thank you 🙏

 

[emeraldecho]

She sounds very ill - a vet stay is probably a good call, even with her separation anxiety. At the very least, they'd be able to administer fluids while they assess her, hopefully before there's any long term damage from dehydration.

 

[Randall]

Yes I understand. It’s a guilty circumstance either way. To prolong her misery when they say it may just be momentarily or let her be put to sleep. I hate to see her suffering. She’s had an absolute wonderful life. I’m wondering if I’m being selfish by not wanting to let her go. It should be about her & I could be getting in the way for what’s best for her…

 

[BKayHol2]

Wow. OK, y'all have a lot going on there. I will just offer a few opinions, and then let you (obviously) make the 'in the moment' decisions.

First off - When it comes the the end game & analyzing 'quality of life', I am a FIRM believer in 'Better a day too soon than a minute too late' when it comes to the end of life decisions for our beloved dogs.

When a senior dog starts having multiple health issues, I have a serious heart-to-heart with my Vet about 'quality vs quantity' of life. I will NOT ever put my dog/s through stressful, invasive treatment in order to get a short term benefit (couple more months of existence) which is primarily for my benefit. Does it hurt to let them go? Yes. Is MY personal pain in regards to their loss, in any way worse than making them hang on a little bit longer? NO. If putting them through some rotten stuff will result in a long & happy life well into the future? OK, let's talk.

If invasive, stressful treatment options aren't going to result in a long term (and I mean LONG, as in a year or more) of HIGH quality of life for that individual dog? I bow my head, cry into my pillow, suck it up & make the call.

Dogs don't go to bed at night thinking about what they're going to do the next day. They don't plan for the future. They don't regret things never done. I am SO sorry you're in this position & at this point with your pup. I can't tell you what to do. I can only tell you I've been there & it doesn't (and never will) get any easier.

 

[Randall]

Wow. OK, y'all have a lot going on there. I will just offer a few opinions, and then let you (obviously) make the 'in the moment' decisions.

First off - When it comes the the end game & analyzing 'quality of life', I am a FIRM believer in 'Better a day too soon than a minute too late' when it comes to the end of life decisions for our beloved dogs.

When a senior dog starts having multiple health issues, I have a serious heart-to-heart with my Vet about 'quality vs quantity' of life. I will NOT ever put my dog/s through stressful, invasive treatment in order to get a short term benefit (couple more months of existence) which is primarily for my benefit. Does it hurt to let them go? Yes. Is MY personal pain in regards to their loss, in any way worse than making them hang on a little bit longer? NO. If putting them through some rotten stuff will result in a long & happy life well into the future? OK, let's talk.

If invasive, stressful treatment options aren't going to result in a long term (and I mean LONG, as in a year or more) of HIGH quality of life for that individual dog? I bow my head, cry into my pillow, suck it up & make the call.

Dogs don't go to bed at night thinking about what they're going to do the next day. They don't plan for the future. They don't regret things never done. I am SO sorry you're in this position & at this point with your pup. I can't tell you what to do. I can only tell you I've been there & it doesn't (and never will) get any easier.

You’re exactly right. Too soon is better than too late especially not knowing what long term means. She’s elderly regardless of her health. I’ve watched this little girl in the middle of her youth into her adult years dealing with the aggravation of renal issues. In the middle of playing or a long walk or a nap. All the time. Itching & burning & scooting trying to relieve her symptoms. Constantly vet runs & antibiotics which always made her feel bad. Bloodwork & cultures. Only to get worse as she aged. In the last few months renal issues deepening. Bladder stones. It’s taken a toll on her & as a result on me. It’s nothing to do with the cost. It’s not the time & effort. I don’t like what she’s dealing with & the Vet admits her issues probably run much deeper than what assessment he’s done. It would take extensive testing & probing to dial in on all of it. She hates the Vet & procedures. She even hates her groomer. She hates me when I bathe her lol…So I leave the Vet & we get back to the farm & all she wants to do is lie in her bed. My thought process is “she needs to cross the bridge”. My next thought is “maybe not…you’re tired of dealing with her issues aren’t you”. Yes I am. But it’s two fold. Her health issues kill me for her sake but sometimes it’s difficult to separate the two. A la the guilt…I feel extremely guilty thinking about not having to deal with the situation. Then I cry…

 

[BKayHol2]

I get it. I really do. We helped our Dinah cross the bridge the week before Christmas after almost two years of maintaining the balancing act which was her health. She wasn't getting (or going to get) better. Could we have limped her along a while longer? Well, yeah. But for who's benefit would that have been? I let her go while she still was basically happy & with a good appetite. She left this world with a mouth full of rotisserie chicken, and - trust me - she would not have wanted to hang around until she couldn't enjoy that level of spoiling! (She had, among other physical issues, IBD so high fat foods were NOT on her menu any longer)

When she was gone, I felt a huge surge of relief. No more worrying about her diet. No more counting & sorting pills/supplements (5 at breakfast, 4 at dinner, 1 at bedtime) No more wrapping and bandaging her bleeding lesions (which didn't seem to bother her much, but made a huge mess & my life a nightmare!) But on her end there was no more increasing physical pain, no more diarrhea, no more putting up with people physically man-handling your body for reasons you didn't understand, no more not being able to do the things you wanted to do.

Again, I'm so sorry you've reached this point in your dog's life. It's not easy. It doesn't get any easier. We do what we have to in the name of good ownership. Part of that is making the hard call. It sucks, but that's the necessary evil & price that must be paid for the honor of being allowed to have our sweet pets be a part of our lives for their brief time on this earth. And I wouldn't have it any other way.

 

[Randall]

You get it. So do I. I always say “I can’t go through this again” only to fall in love again. I love dogs more than people at this point in my life. Everyone else in my world has passed. This little girl is sick. What’s aggravating is after 3 different Vet visits none of them can say to what extent her issues are & actually what kills me more than her issues that have plagued her for years… it’s the look she gives me on the way to the Vet. The shaking when we walk in & sit down to wait. The Vet & a tech or two manipulating & probing, squeezing & the shaving & needles. All happening while she looks at me saying “why are we doing this?” The last IV drip she had was 8 hours all alone & they assured me she would greatly improve. That was Monday February 27th after a miserable weekend of yellow bile vomit & no appetite & wouldn’t drink much. She did act a little better that night but Tuesday morning & for the next three days she went straight downhill. By Friday she had lost half her body weight. I don’t see how she’s hung on since then as she eats almost nothing & drinks practically nothing. It’s strange but today I carried her outside & she actually followed me walking for 45 minutes. VERY SLOWLY. It’s almost like she was saying “look”. But she struggled to urinate & won’t poop. I know I have to decide by tomorrow. We can’t do another horror weekend. No emergency Vet or critical care around here for weekend care. I think if we walked in another Vet office she would die on the spot. She knows I love her…

 

[Shadowfox]

I'm terribly sorry both of you are going through this. I suggest taking a cup of coffee and sitting in the sun with her. In the moments of.peace, I think you'll find some clarity.

 

[Randall]

Thanks for taking the time to talk with me about this. It helps. Tremendously. I realize I have to come to terms with things. I can accept the grief. To me it’s a part of memorializing her life & time with me. The dilemma I’m going to have to face is the guilt. The wondering if I did enough in the end. The haunting questions creeping in my mind in the middle of the night. Did I do this for my convenience because her care has taken such a mental & physical toll? Ignoring myself & things in life that needed tending to by putting her first on a daily basis. I pretty much made her my #1 priority for years. I’m not sorry. I enjoyed it. But at her age & in her condition I know I have to accept that it’s probably better for both of us. But I know myself. When it’s done I will be fantastically guilty. Wondering. That will take a tremendous toll. I have to be careful. Already lost 11 pounds since February. But I’ll hang in there. And do it again I’m sure. My mother told me many years ago you’ve always been “a boy and his dog…your whole life”

 

[LMMB]

Thanks for taking the time to talk with me about this. It helps. Tremendously. I realize I have to come to terms with things. I can accept the grief. To me it’s a part of memorializing her life & time with me. The dilemma I’m going to have to face is the guilt. The wondering if I did enough in the end. The haunting questions creeping in my mind in the middle of the night. Did I do this for my convenience because her care has taken such a mental & physical toll? Ignoring myself & things in life that needed tending to by putting her first on a daily basis. I pretty much made her my #1 priority for years. I’m not sorry. I enjoyed it. But at her age & in her condition I know I have to accept that it’s probably better for both of us. But I know myself. When it’s done I will be fantastically guilty. Wondering. That will take a tremendous toll. I have to be careful. Already lost 11 pounds since February. But I’ll hang in there. And do it again I’m sure. My mother told me many years ago you’ve always been “a boy and his dog…your whole life”

The guilt is part and parcel of the grieving process - not a separate entity.

It does sound like she is nearing the end, and while vets could give her something for the anxiety, I’m not sure how much good it will be in the end.

This is a call only you (and your family, if you live with them), can make.

My thoughts are with you.

 

[elvisdog]

I'm very sorry you're going through this.

 

[nosferatuzoddpup]

Randall, I don't have anything to add and hope that is not offensive or useless. I wanted to commend you for trying to get help from others and figuring out the best option going forward for her. For the longest time my family did not want to get other dogs because the pain of seeing them pass away is really strong.

 

[Randall]

Thank you to everyone for replying 🙏

 

[Randall]

The decision has been made. I’m letting her go today at 2 pm EST. The grief will be coped with. The guilt will be hardest . I’ve made the decision to let her go for the following reasons. Her long history of dealing with renal problems. Those issues have intensified in the last year. She’s been so uncomfortable so often. Especially the last 3 months. Constantly visiting the Vet. Antibiotics & nausea meds. Poking & probing. IV drips. Separation anxiety. Diet modification. The processes & treatments seem as if it was as bad as her illness. I’ve grieved for her & her quality of life. It’s been extremely hard to let her treatments go on this long honestly especially when I look at past pictures & videos of her when she was happy. Then there’s her age. Who knows how long extending the test & procedures would extend her life if at all. If it did for how long? What would the quality be? It’s a great big guess. The guilt I’m feeling is because it’s taken a toll on me personally. Mentally and physically. The money doesn’t matter. So I have had to be honest & admit part of the reason I’m letting her go is for my own good. In a sense it’s going to be a relief. And thinking of that, the guilt comes crashing down. Devastating. I accuse myself of being so selfish. Then in a nanosecond a voice in my head says “but look at her & think about how she used to be”. But it doesn’t help. I pray for her. You pray for me 🙏

 

[JoanneF]

Please try not to feel guilty, you have thought long and hard and you are absolutely doing this for Ella's benefit.

If it helps, there are pet bereavement counselling services that you might want to contact.

 

[BKayHol2]

The decision has been made. I’m letting her go today at 2 pm EST. The grief will be coped with. The guilt will be hardest . I’ve made the decision to let her go for the following reasons. Her long history of dealing with renal problems. Those issues have intensified in the last year. She’s been so uncomfortable so often. Especially the last 3 months. Constantly visiting the Vet. Antibiotics & nausea meds. Poking & probing. IV drips. Separation anxiety. Diet modification. The processes & treatments seem as if it was as bad as her illness. I’ve grieved for her & her quality of life. It’s been extremely hard to let her treatments go on this long honestly especially when I look at past pictures & videos of her when she was happy. Then there’s her age. Who knows how long extending the test & procedures would extend her life if at all. If it did for how long? What would the quality be? It’s a great big guess. The guilt I’m feeling is because it’s taken a toll on me personally. Mentally and physically. The money doesn’t matter. So I have had to be honest & admit part of the reason I’m letting her go is for my own good. In a sense it’s going to be a relief. And thinking of that, the guilt comes crashing down. Devastating. I accuse myself of being so selfish. Then in a nanosecond a voice in my head says “but look at her & think about how she used to be”. But it doesn’t help. I pray for her. You pray for me 🙏

Saying "I'm sorry" seems so inadequate. Peace to you & RIP to your sweet girl.

 

[Shadowfox]

My condolences, prayers, and sympathies to you.

 

[Randall]

Thanks to everyone for listening. Thanks for understanding. Thanks for words & caring in return. She hurts no more. I love her dearly and always will 🐾🐾❤ Bless you all 🙏