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I’ve been with my gf for a few months now, every time i’m over her house, her dog loses it. he is a shih tzu. he’ll constantly bark at me, while i’m in sight, yet won’t come near me. i don’t do anything. i don’t act aggressive or even make eye contact. when i’m in a room with the door closed, if he hears me, he’ll start to bark. if he finally stops barking while we’re in the parlor, he’ll still watch me heavily. any quick movement, and he goes off, barking again. anytime i need to walk in the direction that the dog is in, he’ll freak out and runaway as fast as possible, barking at me. i can’t try and feed him, because he won’t come near me. when people try to forcibly bring him to me, he starts peeing. one thing to note, is that this dog was like my gf baby, before i came in the picture. he had a lot of attention and was kind of her emotional support dog. he would still get attention, but he doesn’t wanna come around, when i’m there. what can i do to get this dog to be ok with me?
 

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I’ve been with my gf for a few months now, every time i’m over her house, her dog loses it. he is a shih tzu. he’ll constantly bark at me, while i’m in sight, yet won’t come near me. i don’t do anything. i don’t act aggressive or even make eye contact. when i’m in a room with the door closed, if he hears me, he’ll start to bark. if he finally stops barking while we’re in the parlor, he’ll still watch me heavily. any quick movement, and he goes off, barking again. anytime i need to walk in the direction that the dog is in, he’ll freak out and runaway as fast as possible, barking at me. i can’t try and feed him, because he won’t come near me. when people try to forcibly bring him to me, he starts peeing. one thing to note, is that this dog was like my gf baby, before i came in the picture. he had a lot of attention and was kind of her emotional support dog. he would still get attention, but he doesn’t wanna come around, when i’m there. what can i do to get this dog to be ok with me?
Its defending its territory. Try having your gf bring the dog over your house...
 

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You don't say how long this has been going on, and that would help.
The first Very Important thing is, no one should ever under any circumstances try to force this dog to come near you. Having done that has made the situation a lot worse, in all probability. Don't try to feed him. Don't go anywhere near him. Don't look at him or reach out your hand near him.

In other words, you need to strictly ignore the dog from now on.

I would add another thing, which is don't let the dog be in the same room with you. If possible, have the dog in a closed but comfortable place as far from the room you are in as possible, and speak in low tones (I don't mean you have to whisper, just speak calmly and quietly). If your GF and you are going to have an argument or any kind of friction, take it out of the house.

This little dog is terrified of you. You don't necessarily need to know why, but the attempts to make him come close to you have solidified in his mind that you are something to fear. If you stay strictly away from him and give him a lot of time, he may settle down. If he stops barking when you are in another room, that is progress, but do not rush this. give him plenty of time after he stops barking....maybe 2 weeks....to get fully comfortable being in another room away from you.

Then, let your GF open the door to that room. Leave it open, and you don't go anywhere near it. From there on, let the dog decide if he wants to come out or not. But even if he comes into the room with you eventually, do not acknowledge his presence in any way. From now on, the dog doesn't exist to you. It is possible if this is given enough time, and he is never again pushed into your presence, he may decide you are not end-of-the-world dangerous after all. but this could take months. Give it the time it takes.
 

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Its defending its territory. Try having your gf bring the dog over your house...
No offense, but that's a very bad idea. It will only terrify the dog more. A frightened dog will not get over being frightened by being forced into contact with that which frightens him.
 

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Oh, I forgot to say, no one should even try to encourage the dog to come out of the room once the door is opened. No coaxing, no calling the dog. It has to be up to the dog entirely. And if he never comes out, leave it at that. There's no reason this little dog needs to be forced to be near a person who frightens him.

He is not defending his territory. Peeing when he is brought forcibly into your presence is not defending anything, it is a sign of terror.
 

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No offense, but that's a very bad idea. It will only terrify the dog more. A frightened dog will not get over being frightened by being forced into contact with that which frightens him.
No offense taken. But i'd appreciate it if you don't re-word my post, never said nothing about forcing anything...
 

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No offense taken. But i'd appreciate it if you don't re-word my post, never said nothing about forcing anything...
Did not mean to re-word your post. You did not use the word "force", of course. But taking the dog over to the house of the person who terrifies her would, in fact, be forcing her into contact with something that terrifies her.
 

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I agree a lot with what @Madra Anamchara has said above. He is certainly not defending his territory and the absolute worst thing that an happen to him is someone takes him over to yours, a place where he cannot escape you or your scent. This dog is losing control of his bodily functions when forced to be near to you - that is not a dog defending his territory - that is a dog that is utterly terrified.

However I wouldn't necessarily have the dog in another room, unless he's more comfortable there. As this is your GF's dog, he is going to have to get used to you at some point - he can't avoid you forever.

Ask your GF if he has a safe space - a place he retreats to when scared or alarmed. That might be a completely different room, but it could be something as simple as a crate.

If introduced properly, a crate is not a prison to a dog, but a comfy den - the canine equivalent of a child's bedroom. It has the dog's bed in there, his water bowl, and a chew or kong to keep him occupied A blanket or cover over the top and around the sides make it look and feel more cosy and (for the human psychology) less prison-like. Nothing and no one harms him in the safe space. No one approaches him, no one forces him to come out, no one calls to him - he is simply allowed to de-stress and regroup in a place where he feels safe.

If/when you have to pass him, throw a treat behind you and away from you as you approach - that means he has to go away from you to get the treat, creating distance. Say nothing, just throw the treat and carry on to your destination. Try to avoid coming between him and his safe space and/or any routes leading to it.

After a few weeks of doing this, try to drop a treat a few feet away from you while you're sitting on the couch/in a chair. If he takes it, great. If he reaches for it and scarpers, go back to tossing the treat behind you for a few more days.

Once he comfortably takes a treat from a few feet away from you, then you can try dropping a treat right by you. If he takes it without running off, you're making progress, but again, if he reaches for the treat and runs, go back a step.

Finally, once he's comfortably taking a treat from beside you, try offering a treat from your hand. Do not stroke him - just offer the treat. If he's comfy with that, brilliant. But always be ready to go back a step for another few days/visits.

This will likely take a few months, and you have to go at his pace - not yours. But with patience and time, there's no reason why he can't change his mind about you and see you as a friend. :)

Please let us know how you get on. :)
 
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