[Koira]

This is going to be long so thanks in advance to anyone who reads it and offers me words of comfort...

My dear 10 year old dog had to be euthanised on Thursday morning due to cancer. I was expecting a similar thing that I went through when my other dog died one and a half years ago. During her euthanasia I was crying so hard that I had to sit down because I nearly passed out. I was in pieces, constantly crying for the next two days and could not even do anything or think about anything else. I was just walking around the house and hysterically crying and begging my dog to come back, that's how sad I was. I cried every day for about a week and even after that I was sad for a very long time, cried every now and then and of course I still am sad and miss her. I kept replaying her euthanasia in my head and counting the hours and days and weeks since she died.

This time was so different.. I cried during the euthanasia and afterwards, but my grief was a lot milder. I wasn't hysterical. She was euthanised in the morning and even that day only a few hours after it I was writing down memories of her and I even felt peaceful and happy. When I replay her euthanasia in my head it feels so different than with my other dog. With my other dog it really felt like the end, but with this dog it didn't, I didn't feel the need to go through it in my head over and over again. The day she died I was (and still am) so disbelieving and almost felt like she was there, felt her presence. She was so alive and still happy before she died (the tumour was in her mouth and was starting to get painful), that I can't believe she is gone. Today is only the second full day after her passing, yet I haven't properly cried. I get sad and anxious when I think about it and I miss her and simply cannot believe she is dead. Yet I can already think of other things and when my mind is occupied I don't feel that sad. I don't know what on earth is going on with me... I feel absolutely horrible about this and have never felt this guilty before. Why am I not grieving properly?? I can imagine my dog looking down and thinking, I guess she didn't really care for me after all.. You might think that I was closer with my other dog but it's not the case, I love both equally and this dog that was just euthanised has been with us for half of my life, I literally grew up with her and she was the perfect friend and dog. It's not like I'm numb either, I feel other emotions, even happiness etc. I have been looking at pictures of her and trying to cry because it would make me feel better but I just feel anxious, sad and disbelieving but apparently not sad enough to cry.

I have been thinking, maybe it's because I knew she had a terminal illness and I had anticipatory grief ever since we heard about her cancer, for around six to seven weeks. So I had time to prepare for her death and yes, I feel relief for not having to worry about her suffering and her pains growing. However, my other dog was very old when she died and I had been scared of her passing for years, so I did have anticipatory grief, although of course I didn't know how soon it would happen. When my other dog died I still had this dog and it was a huge comfort, a lifeline really. So I was imagining this time would be worse, since she was the only pet we had and I have no dog left to comfort me. People always say that a pet dying never gets any easier... What is wrong with me?!? I feel horrible!! Why am I so emotionless and appear so uncaring? I would rather go through the hell I had to go through with my other dog than this horrible sense of not caring and basically recovering in two days!! Help

 

[ColliesRock]

I don't see anything wrong here. Everyone is different about the death of pets. People can be different about the death of one pet versus another.

 

[jagger]

Been in your shoes a couple of times, and as hard as it is to say it, sometimes death is better. It's almost a relief that the suffering is over. It's so hard to watch any living creature suffer with a disease as nasty as cancer.

 

[loopyboo]

Im so sorry to hear that hun ,everybody grieves differently ,it doesn't mean something wrong with you or you don't care, your just coping the way you feel you should cope, but when it happens let it happen don't bottle it up hun have a good cry, an then you can concentrate on the happy memories of your dog to keep you going xxx

 

[Rain]

As ColliesRock said, it's not unusual to grieve differently for different dogs. I grieved very differently for the two dogs that I've had pass away.

I was crushed by my dog Jersey's death. She was only around 13 years old when she passed away but was in seemingly great health when I left her to go visit family in another state. I was gone 2 weeks and when I got back she was rail thin, and knocking on death's door. The person I had watching her hadn't even let me know she was sick so to say I was shocked when I saw her is an understatement. When she passed away a couple days later I cried for her all day, every day for a good month, and every night for around a year, I was completely heartbroken and I think how sudden it happened, and how guilty I felt, played a large part.

My boy Shadow passed away nearly 3 years after her but I was not nearly as upset or crushed by his death. I grieved but not nearly as deeply, and I think it was because I was much more at peace with his passing. He was 17 year 8 month old when he died and his health had been declining for a couple months. He was blind, weak, had severe arthritis, trouble standing, and before his death had stopped eating. I had done everything I could to save him, but in the end nothing worked and I knew it was his time to go. I looked at his passing as more of a blessing, he was free of his old, frail, body, and I was braced for his death and had been expecting it for months, each extra day I had with him was a gift.

Don't beat yourself up for how your feeling, and don't feel bad about feeling how you do. You know how much you loved your girl (((HUGS))))

 

[Tilden]

First and foremost, there is no proper way to grieve anyone or anything. Every loss is individual, both in terms of whom or what is lost--whether it's a friend, a family member, a job etc.--and who you are when you go through that loss. It sounds to me like you've perhaps simply found a different way to grieve this dog--not better or worse, but just different--that suits who you are now. It doesn't mean you loved the dog you just lost any less. It just means the situation is not exactly the same because no loss is ever precisely the same as the ones that precede or follow it.

 

[purplesully]

You could be experiencing delayed grief. When my Mauka died, I cried that day and was so upset up about it that I sort of went numb. I didn't cry for 2 months. Then, all of a sudden, I just broke out in the most terrible grief you could see. It finally hit me that I didn't have her with me anymore.

I am so sorry for your loss!!

 

[Laco]

Grief is personal, there is no correct or incorrect way to grieve.

 

[Koira]

Thank you everyone for your kind words, they made me feel better

 

[secrets0stolen]

I have been told that death is not the end, it is just a transition. I believe that. Your dog is not gone, just in another place. I have also been told that spirits have hard time moving on when those left behind grieve very hardly. So in a way, it is not good for anyone to cry and cry about them. I think it`s good the way you are handling this. Who knows, maybe it`s even her helping you to not be as sad, from that other place ..

 

[MHDDOG2016]

I have grieved differently for every one of my pets. I just had my 16 year-old kitty PTS last night and I sobbed and sobbed up until she died, and then it was like a huge relief. My previous kitty died in a similar way and I was sad for a few days after. I had another cat that died unexpectedly at the age of 4 and it took MONTHS to get over that one. Allow yourself to feel how you feel. There is no specific way you "have" to feel. Big hugs to you.

 

[cassied25]

I'm so sorry you lost your pup However, I've been in the same sort of situation. My neighbors dog meant the world to me. Now, I know what your probably thinking- It wasn't even her own dog! But she easily could have been. She would sit on my front porch and wait for me to come home from school, or run out of her house when she heard the bus. I know dogs don't really have a sense of time, but Copper was always right on. I would walk her every day, and we would take walks through the neighborhood or in the forest behind our houses. For years we would do everything we could together. Then my neighbors moved (and obviously took their dog with them). However, I still saw her quite often. Over time, I was aware that she was becoming sick and old. One day, our ex- neighbors called and said that they were going to probably but her down in a day or so, so if I wanted to see her again I should come over. I did, and I pet her and cried, an cuddled with her. After a while I went home. The next day, I got a call saying she had been put down, with something about her liver (I never really got details). I was expecting to be so much more depressed than I was. I mean, I started walking this dog when I was 6, had played wither her ever since she was a tiny puppy, and she was a regular part of my day for years, and I wasn't crazy sad! I thought the same thing- what is wrong with me?? But it was so much better that way- when I last saw her, she was throwing up and breathing really heavy. She seemed to have shrunk and it was just sad and pathetic. I think I was mostly happy that she moved on because of this.

 

[Koira]

Thank you everyone for the nice words, it's good to hear that I'm not the only one who has felt this way, maybe there is nothing wrong with it after all

 

[lilly6]

This is going to be long so thanks in advance to anyone who reads it and offers me words of comfort...

My dear 10 year old dog had to be euthanised on Thursday morning due to cancer. I was expecting a similar thing that I went through when my other dog died one and a half years ago. During her euthanasia I was crying so hard that I had to sit down because I nearly passed out. I was in pieces, constantly crying for the next two days and could not even do anything or think about anything else. I was just walking around the house and hysterically crying and begging my dog to come back, that's how sad I was. I cried every day for about a week and even after that I was sad for a very long time, cried every now and then and of course I still am sad and miss her. I kept replaying her euthanasia in my head and counting the hours and days and weeks since she died.

This time was so different.. I cried during the euthanasia and afterwards, but my grief was a lot milder. I wasn't hysterical. She was euthanised in the morning and even that day only a few hours after it I was writing down memories of her and I even felt peaceful and happy. When I replay her euthanasia in my head it feels so different than with my other dog. With my other dog it really felt like the end, but with this dog it didn't, I didn't feel the need to go through it in my head over and over again. The day she died I was (and still am) so disbelieving and almost felt like she was there, felt her presence. She was so alive and still happy before she died (the tumour was in her mouth and was starting to get painful), that I can't believe she is gone. Today is only the second full day after her passing, yet I haven't properly cried. I get sad and anxious when I think about it and I miss her and simply cannot believe she is dead. Yet I can already think of other things and when my mind is occupied I don't feel that sad. I don't know what on earth is going on with me... I feel absolutely horrible about this and have never felt this guilty before. Why am I not grieving properly?? I can imagine my dog looking down and thinking, I guess she didn't really care for me after all.. You might think that I was closer with my other dog but it's not the case, I love both equally and this dog that was just euthanised has been with us for half of my life, I literally grew up with her and she was the perfect friend and dog. It's not like I'm numb either, I feel other emotions, even happiness etc. I have been looking at pictures of her and trying to cry because it would make me feel better but I just feel anxious, sad and disbelieving but apparently not sad enough to cry.

I have been thinking, maybe it's because I knew she had a terminal illness and I had anticipatory grief ever since we heard about her cancer, for around six to seven weeks. So I had time to prepare for her death and yes, I feel relief for not having to worry about her suffering and her pains growing. However, my other dog was very old when she died and I had been scared of her passing for years, so I did have anticipatory grief, although of course I didn't know how soon it would happen. When my other dog died I still had this dog and it was a huge comfort, a lifeline really. So I was imagining this time would be worse, since she was the only pet we had and I have no dog left to comfort me. People always say that a pet dying never gets any easier... What is wrong with me?!? I feel horrible!! Why am I so emotionless and appear so uncaring? I would rather go through the hell I had to go through with my other dog than this horrible sense of not caring and basically recovering in two days!! Help

I am going thru the same thing. Lost Rufas a day after Christmas, & I started to cry then stopped. I sat with him for 2 day's & decided to put him down. During the time we had together before I took him In I told him to let go, that Mamma would be ok. He was suffering, I've always protected him. I couldn't now & my heart was breaking. I stayed with him until his last breath, just holding & talking to my Boy. I continued to comfort & talk to him even afterwards. He was out of pain. I protected him the only way I could at that point. He Is happy again & In Heaven with others. I miss my Baby although I don't feel sad & I still can't cry. Maybe one day, It certainly Is not for less Love for my Dog. I Know he Is better & I believe knowing I was with him till the end Is my Peace.

 

[JoanneF]

I'm sorry for your loss. I'm sure you have read the earlier replies, there is no right or wrong way to grieve and I'm glad you have found comfort that Rufas is in a better place.

 

[Junior]

I know this thread is old
But I am having the same problem, I had to put down my companion Junior Dachs 15 years old, I cried that day and the next and then I just stopped and now I hate myself and all I wanna do is cry, I love junior and miss him after I stopped crying then I got depressed, sad all day, stopped eating, did not sleep well.it has been 47 days since junior left and all I keep thinking of(not all the time, I do think of him too)why I can't cry, what is wrong with me, I love him and all I want is to get these feelings out. I have started eating again and sleep better, but is hunting why I don't cry.

I have read all of these comments and it has helped me a little bit

 

[JoanneF]

I'm glad it has helped. Everyone is different.

Perhaps, when you feel the time is right, you might like to share some stories and photos.

 

[LMMB]

I know this thread is old
But I am having the same problem, I had to put down my companion Junior Dachs 15 years old, I cried that day and the next and then I just stopped and now I hate myself and all I wanna do is cry, I love junior and miss him after I stopped crying then I got depressed, sad all day, stopped eating, did not sleep well.it has been 47 days since junior left and all I keep thinking of(not all the time, I do think of him too)why I can't cry, what is wrong with me, I love him and all I want is to get these feelings out. I have started eating again and sleep better, but is hunting why I don't cry.

I have read all of these comments and it has helped me a little bit

What's wrong with you? Nothing. Absolutely nothing.

There's no right or wrong way to grieve. I was pretty much the same when my first dog, Max died. I wailed in those last few hours of his life, I was in bits for a few more hours after he'd gone, but then I told myself I'd be fine, and it calmed me right down. Never in a million years did I expect to be watching Crufts the next day, but I was - and with interest, not sitting there moping.

People grieve differently. I learned that for me, it came and went in waves, and after that initial outpouring, those waves were never that strong again, nor were they very frequent. I've shed a few tears since, and the first time I heard his name and knew it wasn't him hit me like a sucker punch to the gut, but I wasn't the emotional wreck that I expected to be.

So please don't think there's anything wrong with you, because there isn't. You're just not grieving the way the next dog owner might, and that's fine.

 

[Junior]

What's wrong with you? Nothing. Absolutely nothing.

There's no right or wrong way to grieve. I was pretty much the same when my first dog, Max died. I wailed in those last few hours of his life, I was in bits for a few more hours after he'd gone, but then I told myself I'd be fine, and it calmed me right down. Never in a million years did I expect to be watching Crufts the next day, but I was - and with interest, not sitting there moping.

People grieve differently. I learned that for me, it came and went in waves, and after that initial outpouring, those waves were never that strong again, nor were they very frequent. I've shed a few tears since, and the first time I heard his name and knew it wasn't him hit me like a sucker punch to the gut, but I wasn't the emotional wreck that I expected to be.

So please don't think there's anything wrong with you, because there isn't. You're just not grieving the way the next dog owner might, and that's fine.

Thank you for sharing that with me, it made me feel better.
I am still sad and moping around and no joy at all. I have social anxiety and no friends and Junior was my best friend and now he is gone and I feel so alone in the world.it is not as hard as the first couple of weeks but I still, miss him and feeling sad.

Thank you so much for making my feel better about it🤗🤗

 

[LMMB]

Thank you for sharing that with me, it made me feel better.
I am still sad and moping around and no joy at all. I have social anxiety and no friends and Junior was my best friend and now he is gone and I feel so alone in the world.it is not as hard as the first couple of weeks but I still, miss him and feeling sad.

Thank you so much for making my feel better about it🤗🤗

You are still grieving - just not crying about it. Take each day as it comes, and remember - it will get better. Give yourself time, and be kind to yourself.

I'm glad my post helped.