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Hi everyone, this is gonna be a pretty long post, so sorry in advance.

I'm really hoping for some solid advice, as I've been scouring the internet to no avail - most posts are about people hating their SO's dogs. I don't hate him, but at this point I'm edging towards mildly averse because his behavior can be so terrible.

A little bit of background: my family has owned large dogs (labs) for years, so I am well-versed in being a good doggie parent - training, crating, the works. Dogs were never fed from the table or couch, were made to work for their food (sitting and waiting quietly while everything was prepared), were allowed on certain couches but not nice ones or human beds (they had multiple dog beds throughout the house/screen porch), were generally spoiled in the quality of their treats (especially as they got older), etc. etc. With the current one, we've only had food/trash problems because he is VERY food oriented, but he is also getting very old and has picked up very bad habits from the kitten (counter surfing!! imagine a 90 lb lab on top of a table. pretty funny)! So we are not overly strict with our dogs, but we provide them with discipline and certain rules they need to follow in order to get cuddle time!

Boyfriend's family: has owned small dogs (poodle mixes and a mini dachshund) forever and engages in NO TRAINING WHATSOEVER. Currently boyfriend has a poodle terrier mix, 6 years old and ~25 lbs, and his dad owns the mini dachshund (5 years or so). The dogs have the run of the house and are basically treated like children (talked to like toddlers, no commands ever given, scolded when they do wrong things instead of noting the incident and putting preventative measures in place to stop it from happening again). They have no dog beds so they use all the couches, chairs, and beds in the house as theirs. The family doesn't believe in crate training because "it's cruel". The dachshund was never fully house trained so she will go potty in dark corners. She also steals food and is a huge resource guarder, as well as going so far as to steal food/snacks from boyfriend's dog and hide it around the house. They are very nice people but they have no idea how to train/take care of dogs - the dachshund isn't even licensed and hasn't gotten her rabies/heartworm stuff done since they got her as a puppy, and boyfriend's only has because I badgered him into doing it ("it's expensive!")

Some of the bad behavior specific to my boyfriend's dog:
- Very excitable. Jumps on people as they walk in the door (his claws are never clipped/trimmed because the dog hates the dremel and boyfriend is afraid of hurting him. I have thin skin so the jumping makes me bleed or his claws will catch on my clothes and rip them) and will bark/attack the door/window when he hears people coming up the walk. Boyfriend thinks this is amazingly cute.
- Jumps when asked if he wants to go on a walk or go outside, then continues to jump after leash is secured to harness. He will also continuously bite at the leash until you are on the actual sidewalk in front of the house (then he behaves fine. doesn't pull at the leash at all!).
- When going down the stairs for a walk, boyfriend has trained him to continuously headbutt your legs as he follows you down (again, he thinks it's really cute. I think one of these days I'm going to fall and break my neck).
- He is allowed to get obscenely dirty. I know this isn't specifically due to bad training, but since I've never experienced a dog on a bed I sleep in, this was never really a problem. But this dog!!! Every morning when I make the bed I have to brush off a pound of dirt, I swear to god. No idea how to combat this other than don't allow him on the bed, but this breaks boyfriend's heart so I don't want to put that on the table.
- Will occasionally guard boyfriend. He can get supremely jealous of my presence, which I totally understand since I wasn't around much before (he knew me, and liked me, but I was only there a few nights of the week, and I tried not to be too fussed if he gave the dog attention instead of me). Now that I am around more often (about half the week) he will literally force himself between the two of us if I'm getting attention from boyfriend and it's been a while since he got attention (even if he's right there, cuddling with us!).
- And the biggest problem of all: he has major food issues. He is lukewarm about his kibble - so much so that the dachshund needs to be distracted or watched at all times while boyfriend's dog is eating, or she'll scarf it all down. Someone needs to stay with him and talk to him to get him to finish his food. I have no solution for this as his mom has them on her own feeding schedule, but if we move out I will probably mix old leftovers with his kibble like we do with our dogs. I am almost positive this will work because... he is ravenous for human food. Boyfriend fed him under the table for the first few years they had him, then continued to feed him from the couch in his room when we ate meals up there (thankfully, I HAVE stopped that). So now, of course, he begs for food at every. single. opportunity. He will follow us around the kitchen, jump up on people when they are standing holding food, wedge himself in between legs and table to catch scraps and, my personal favorite, will lunge and snatch food directly from your hand as you try to eat. Since this is one of my biggest pet peeves with animals, it is the one thing I am making progress on. We have started to train him to go to a small bed when we are eating, and reward him when he is calm and quiet. However, I am not there every night and I know my boyfriend is not consistent with it when I'm not there, because I'll come back after a few days and he will be very resistant (when he was doing perfectly well earlier). He has knocked over trash cans, dug into backpacks, and destroyed bookshelves trying to get to human snacks.

His dog is very lovingly attached to him and is VERY sweet (A+ cuddler) and I want so badly to connect with him again, but he has so many bad behaviors that I can't overlook. It's not my place to tell his parents how to treat their own dog (although the lack of rabies shot/heartworm medication does make me wince), and boyfriend thinks all the troublesome behavior is adorable, so my urging him to train the dog is falling on deaf ears. Whenever I try to introduce training techniques to my boyfriend, I'll do it once or twice, then let him do it and he always!!! does it differently from me - not giving the same commands or hand signals, rewarding for bad behavior, etc. He just doesn't seem to understand that dogs need absolute consistency, especially when training them in unfamiliar techniques! He loves his dog so much and just wants the dog to see him as only a source of love and happy things - which he doesn't think is a category discipline falls into! The dog does respond to me when I try to train him, but I'm not there all the time so I can't be consistent, and he has been conditioned to enjoy and be rewarded for being excitable (I tried to get him to sit instead of chew his leash before his nightly walk today. Per the usual, he was super hyper and dashing around. I showed him the treat, gave the command, he sat, I gave him the treat, and he immediately leaped up and clawed 3 gashes into my leg. Boyfriend laughed and rubbed his head "what a silly boy!". On the plus side he didn't bite the leash!)

Help. What can I do, short of kidnapping the dog, to help this poor thing get properly trained??
 

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Kidnap the dog!

...Somewhat more seriously, so long as even one person is not doing the training, it won't work. If he ever gets scraps under the table he will always beg. If he gets away with grabbing food out of your hands even once, he'll keep doing it and so on. If your boyfriend and anyone else who comes in contact with the dog is not absolutely dedicated to this training, it simply won't work. At best he'll learn not to try it with YOU, as our pitbull has with my grandmother and dad's lax idea of 'training'.

And it sounds like your boyfriend simply isn't on board. You can't fix this without the cooperation of everyone unfortunately.
 
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