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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
We have two border collie mixes

Sage is 6 months and Lucky is about a year

We got them too soon after my last dog died and I sometimes feel like I hate them. I can't excersize them as much as they need rehoming is not an option. I get so so mad when Sage jumps or i'm trying to train her that I want to hit her :C
I used to sometimes hit my dog Sally (she died) and i'd sob for days. I have really bad depression and anxiety and can't go to the doctor for it. I'm always watching them and Sage is actually my dads. I'm so stressed and overwhelmed. I'm literally crying right now I just get so so mad :'c please don't think i'm terrible. I really hate myself and I don't deserve to live :headbash:
 

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You need a break, a major break. Besides the point that you get the urge to physically lash out, when you're as distraught as you are, accidents happen.

In the summer I got really slammed with high-maintenance dogs, plus a very needy dog of my own. I was so afraid that I would be running too fast and stressing too much and that I would do something stupid like get into a car accident (actually did get into a very minor parking lot one) or forget a dog in my hot car. Get help from anyone who can give it. Friends, relatives, temporary foster. Take care of yourself, first, and then you'll be in shape to take care of animals depending on you.
 

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You DO deserve to live but the fact that you think you are not is a HUGE red flag. I agree; you need to take a break from the dogs, and you NEED TO GET HELP. Finding the right therapist (and trust me, there are a lot of wrong ones) was the BEST THING I have ever done for my mental health. I still deal with anxiety, depression, panic attacks, and compulsive behaviors, but I'm no longer out of control. Allowing these dogs around you when you clearly are not in a state to handle them is dangerous to them and TO YOU.


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If you can't go to a doctor, please get help somehow. These thoughts are not okay and you need more help than we can provide on this forum.

1-800-273-8255 is 24/7 help. Please reach out if you are having thoughts of not deserving to live.

Regarding the dogs... you are overwhelmed and need help. If you don't have anyone to help, please consider rehoming at least one of them. Border Collies need constant stimulation- both mental and physical- to thrive. Not giving them that will likely cause more behavior problems in them, leading to more frustration for you. It's a vicious circle, unfortunately. If you truly hate them, keeping them in that situation is not fair to them.

You need to take care of your mental health or you won't be able to adequately care for anyone else- including your sweet pups.
 

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I give you a lot of credit for admitting this. Most people would not. Please find suitable homes for your dogs and find some help for yourself. We cannot give any other living thing what it needs/deserves until we care for ourselves. I hope you find some relief.
 

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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
thank you for all of the replies. No one will take me to a doctor even when i ask for them to every day. My parents would never even consider rehoming. I'm so so stressed all the time. No one else will take care of them or train them and I feel like I have to do everything.

i can't deal with this anymore! everything is too much!
 

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Can I ask how old you are?

If you get frustrated with your dogs, you need to turn, go to the bathroom, and count to 20. Hitting them won't help, it will make it worse.
 

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i'll say that i'm in my early teens (which i am)

i feel so sick. i almost hit her just now
I can guaranty you that if you hit that dog, you will feel so much worse about yourself that you may never forgive yourself. I think you need to talk to your parents about your feelings and step away from the dog.
 

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Can you talk to a guidance counselor at your school? They might be able to speak to your parents about needing to see a doctor, and also might be able to give you some tips on how to deal with the frustration you are feeling with your dogs.

In the meantime, don't hit your dogs-- doing so will probably just make things worse, as both you and your dogs will be upset. Anytime you get the urge to hit one of them, take a break. Five minutes, ten minutes, fifteen minutes, an hour, however long it takes you to feel better and calm. Lock yourself in your room or the bathroom or wherever you can get some privacy, and listen to some music, talk to a friend, scroll through Facebook, or whatever else helps you relax.

It sounds like you are feeling pretty alone in dealing with your dogs. If your parents are unable to help you with them, do you have any siblings or maybe even a neighbor who can help?
 

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I'm happy to give you my phone number. You could hand it to your parents and say "here, this lady wants to talk to you."
 

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Do NOT hit your dogs. It will not make you (or them) feel any better. Hitting animals is not okay.

Please talk to someone, even if it's someone at school. Why are you the only one taking care of these dogs? You can't talk to your mom?

I have a daughter in her early teens and I know I would want her tell me if she's feeling this way.
 

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well, if you're really super desperate for help and your parents are not taking you seriously, you could always get yourself Baker acted (or whatever your state calls it) if you're in the States.
just walk into any ER, any hospital, or even just call 911 if you can't get to a hospital, and just tell them you're actively suicidal and thinking of hurting yourself. they'll place you on a 72 hour hold in a psychiatric hospital, and while you're there a case worker will assist in setting up appointments for you w/ an outpatient therapist, psychiatrist, whatever you need. and while there you will get to participate in therapy, and see a psychiatrist who will most likely prescribe you medications (including 30 days worth of a take home prescription you can fill at the pharmacy after you leave).
you sound like you really need & want help, and if you can't get it any other way, you could always do that if you're really desperate.
do your parents not let you see any doctors at all?? even if you can only see your family doctor/general physician, if you tell him about your mental state then he can prescribe you psych meds, you do not HAVE to get them from a psychiatrist proper.
there is no excuse for them to withhold basic health care from you, especially now w/ "ObamaCare" in effect. even if your family cannot afford the most basic health insurance themselves, as a minor you would still almost certainly be eligible for Medicaid and at least should have that.
a less drastic step would be to, as mentioned above, talk to your school counselor. maybe even have them talk to your parents themselves, in order to convince them that you need professional treatment.

best of luck in getting through this.
take a step back from the dogs. unless one of them is specifically "yours," which your parents allowed you to acquire on the predication of you taking full responsibility of caring for it, then there's no reason why you should by fully responsible for the care of either of them.
stand up for yourself and tell your parents to be responsible adults, to take care of their dogs and to take care of their child, because you are in a bad state.
 

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To be totally honest with you, I am 25 now but started dealing with anxiety when I was young. I think it hit it's hardest when I was about 15. It started out weird, I'd just get super stressed and whenever friends would come over or I'd go to their houses I'd get inexplicably unwell. Then one day I just felt "doomed" and for a good three years or so after that my anxiety was wrapped around my health - I thought I had X disease and all was over for me. The "disease" I feared was always changing but that didn't matter.

After a few years I seemingly got a little better but then after another few years it hit me hard again. It wasn't just health this time, either, everything set me on edge. This time, there was a bit of a depressive component as well. Then that too passed.

About a year ago it came back and hit HARD. I was panicking regularly and I had days where I was so low I couldn't even get out of bed. Before that time I hadn't sought help, and my parents didn't know because I was too afraid to tell them. But I realized I needed help. I sought out a university therapist, she helped me build up the courage to talk to my parents about it (finally), I saw a doctor who sent me to a psych who gave me meds and I've had therapy off and on.

It's not perfect, I have ups and downs depending on my stressors and my parents still don't 100% understand what's going on, but they try and at least now I have a support system in place that goes beyond my parents.

I too have a difficult to manage dog and it can be very hard at times because sometimes my patience just isn't there. I need to know when to walk away.

As you're young, you're in a great place to get the help you need so you don't have to cycle like I did. It's nothing to be ashamed of. If your parents won't help you, please, go talk to a school counselor - that is what they are there for. They can be your advocate and get the ball rolling so that you get the help you need.

As for the dogs: just take a step back for the time being and focus on getting better and coping yourself.
 

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Discussion Starter · #19 ·
I'm home schooled.

I don't have anyone else that can help.


I know that hitting them is bad. I think i'm just too stressed and ovewhelmed already. I'm the only one that trains them. No one else wants to take responsibility for them so i have to. I've talked to my parents and they won't take me to a doctor. I can't just take a break from them because i'm always watching them

I don't want to get in trouble for doing anything..

Maybe i'm just being immature but I never feel relaxed or calm anymore. I'm always upset or angry. I just want to die
 

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@BarkyCollies some of that could be hormones and growing up BUT to me it sounds like anxiety/depression.

Is there anything you go to the doctor for? Yearly checkup? If you're not feeling well? Is there any possible way you can get yourself in there and when you're alone with the doc bring up how you feel?

When I was struggling so much initially I'd want to go to the doctor to have my HA fears addressed, but was too afraid to tell my parents that I was afraid I had X wrong with me for fear that they would freak out and add to my anxiety. Granted, my parents would have made the appointment regardless, but there were many times I would lie to them and say I had congestion or something when I was really freaking out that I had something totally different, which I would then bring up to the doc.

Even if you're homeschooled, there are certainly online resources available to you. Have you been totally honest about your feelings with your parents? I find it very sad that they're not willing to help you.
 
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