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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
So it's been 2 weeks since bringing home our new Bully girl and she's awesome. Sleeps mostly through the night, she's smart, bit of a brat sometimes, but what puppy isn't? And she's just a dream compared to the experiences I've had before with puppies.

Here's the problem: I'm not feeling attached to her. I feel more like I'm raising her out of guilt now, like I'm just watching someone else's dog for a while. And my boyfriend is just sort of tolerating the situation. I'm the primary caretaker, which is fine. That's what was agreed upon and I'm cool with my schedule change to fit the puppy into our lives, but I can't help feeling this underlying vibe of tension in the home from my boyfriend and (naturally) our cats. I feel like I've failed both the dog (because I've become more of a cat person over the years of not having a dog) AND my boyfriend for getting her in the first place (even though I asked him multiple times in advance if he was okay with it and he said yes).

And my depression is back BIG TIME. I'm snapping at people and getting annoyed with every Tom **** and Harry accosting me on the street to pet the puppy (understandable, though. Who can resist a pudgy wrinkly loaf dog?). I haven't drawn for myself, played video games, RELAXED... I'm folding in on myself the more extroverted I'm forced to become and starting to go to dark places in my mind. I'm not angry at the dog, though. I can't be. It's not HER fault I'm a weak idiot. And it's not my boyfriend's fault either, but I keep telling him to tell me when he's had enough and take take any more of the puppy situation. So, I'm at a loss.

I have a growing, healthy, adorable, sweet, smart puppy that I have lukewarm feelings towards. I'm probably just not a dog person anymore, but I do genuinely LIKE dogs. I'm worried that my boyfriend doesn't want to tell me to bring her back to the breeder because he doesn't want to upset me. One of our cats is still relegating herself to the closet and it has me very concerned (have to bring food and water to her)... I just.... I don't know right now what to do with myself. I'm in a dark place. Maybe it's just that Post Puppy Depression talking, because it HAS only been two weeks, but I'm scared that my sadness won't subside. The puppy isn't even that difficult to deal with.

Maybe I'm just not the right person to be taking care of this dog. I'm so so so introverted that it;s probably not good for her. Maybe she's be better off being re-homed by the breeder to someone who's all about canines and is a bubbly, happy joy to be around. Or maybe I should just stick it out. Hopefully it'll get better.
 

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Post puppy adoption blues are very common.

Also it is not even that common to immediately fall head over heels for your new dog. That has happened to me once out of the many dogs I've owned. It sometimes takes months to bond with a dog. Maybe even longer. Sometimes I still feel like Hank is a dog I am dogsitting vs 'my dog' but it is getting less so.

You've only had her two weeks
 

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Hey there,

First of all, sending big virtual hugs your way, it sounds like you're in a funk.

I know it might not be very helpful but let me tell you, I'm pretty sure everyone feels distant from their dog at first (at least everyone I've known, myself included). In fact in just a quick Google search you'll find hundreds of "Why do I not love my new pet?" pages. This particular read is my favourite: Whatever Tomorrow Brings.

The depression/snapping at people totally normal. The puppy requires constant supervision, so even if you're sleeping well at night, you're tired. All. The. Time. Levi was/is the CUTEST little bear puppy and we were mobbed by girls wanting to put him on Instagram. It was fine because I'm very extroverted, but my husband is not. So when he had to walk him, he walked him at night, or very early morning so he didn't have to see as many people. As a result, he enjoyed walking the dog way more because he didn't have to deal with people being annoying. :) I see you're in Ontario, where abouts? I might have some good thoughts of places you can walk her! You absolutely positively need to take some time to yourself. Pop the bugger in her crate, slap on some headphones and rock out and play some Skyrim for a bit. You'll come out way more relaxed and you'll feel happier with her.

As far as the lukewarm feelings, that's totally normal. She's not your couch-snuggling-totally-brightens-your-day-when-you're-miserable-dog. YET. It takes quite a while to build that relationship, but when it happens you'll be hooked on dogs for life.

I always say give it a few months. It sounds like you got her from a responsible breeder who will take the dog back at any time, so give yourself sometime to build that bond with her. My sister is a miserable, grouchy person (God love her!), but her two Dachshunds are OBSESSED with her, and they're always so happy to see her.

If after 3 or 4 months you say "I can't do this", THEN I would contact the breeder. Buck up , you can do this. :)
 

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We get this question 2 or 3 times a week. It's totally normal. Life changes, even positive ones, are stressful, and if you have a tendency towards depression, stress will push you into a depressive state. I really think you should give it some time.

I did not bond with Kabota right away. He was extremely shut down and didn't really respond to anything. He was like a pillow I had to feed and walk. He slowly came out of his shell and started showing flashes of personality and eventually we bonded, but it was really tough at first.
 

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I can't possibly say it better than the posters before me.

I just wanted to add to the numbers and say that I was in that place too.

I got out of it and I couldn't possibly imagine my life without my knuckleheads in it!

Hugs your way!!!
 
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As Amaryllis said, this is a frequent problem so you're not alone.

I bonded with Cosmo extremely well, and loved him the moment I pulled him from his previous owners arm when he was only a tiny fluffy bundle of nervous untrusting Aussie. The moment we got to my moms house where we were staying (I drove about 4 hours to get him) he followed me room to room, wouldn't sleep if he knew I wasn't right there with him, and would curl into my side at night. Granted there were and still are days where I think "I should have waited and gotten a different puppy" but those are few and far between compared to the ones involving me coddling him and squeezing him and loving him with everything I have.

My last dog on the other hand, is almost three - and I never bonded with her. Luckily, my grandpa did extremely well, and she turned into a family dog. He is now her primary caretaker, but if that option wasn't available to her (to become a family dog - my grandpa wouldn't have let me take her anyway) then she would still be with me, but we just wouldn't have a very strong bond. And that's ok, Id still love her and care for her because that's my unwritten responsibility as the person who forced her to go with me as a puppy.

She was a handful though, never listened to me, peed in the house up until 8 months old and then continued to pee when she was excited or nervous (in other words -when anyone got home from school or work pee. Everywhere) she wouldn't recall for crap and still won't if she doesn't feel like it, walked horribly and still pulls so hard she could have a sled filled with Eskimos on the other side.

If your puppy is being easy and is a dream to have around, I think it's just a matter of puppy blues. give it time! You'll one day look at her and go "how could I have ever wanted to get rid of you" :)
 

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hey there,

first of all, sending big virtual hugs your way, it sounds like you're in a funk.

I know it might not be very helpful but let me tell you, i'm pretty sure everyone feels distant from their dog at first (at least everyone i've known, myself included). In fact in just a quick google search you'll find hundreds of "why do i not love my new pet?" pages. This particular read is my favourite: whatever tomorrow brings.

The depression/snapping at people totally normal. The puppy requires constant supervision, so even if you're sleeping well at night, you're tired. All. The. Time. Levi was/is the cutest little bear puppy and we were mobbed by girls wanting to put him on instagram. It was fine because i'm very extroverted, but my husband is not. So when he had to walk him, he walked him at night, or very early morning so he didn't have to see as many people. As a result, he enjoyed walking the dog way more because he didn't have to deal with people being annoying. :) i see you're in ontario, where abouts? I might have some good thoughts of places you can walk her! You absolutely positively need to take some time to yourself. Pop the bugger in her crate, slap on some headphones and rock out and play some skyrim for a bit. You'll come out way more relaxed and you'll feel happier with her.

As far as the lukewarm feelings, that's totally normal. She's not your couch-snuggling-totally-brightens-your-day-when-you're-miserable-dog. yet. It takes quite a while to build that relationship, but when it happens you'll be hooked on dogs for life.

I always say give it a few months. It sounds like you got her from a responsible breeder who will take the dog back at any time, so give yourself sometime to build that bond with her. My sister is a miserable, grouchy person (god love her!), but her two dachshunds are obsessed with her, and they're always so happy to see her.

If after 3 or 4 months you say "i can't do this", then i would contact the breeder. Buck up , you can do this. :)
well said!
 

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While everything that has been said is something I completely agree with and may very well repeat, sometimes it helps when someone else shares their personal experience.. so..
I suffer from severe anxiety which of course can border on depression when things get bad. My Dad decided to finally let me have a dog after years of asking because we had just been robbed (our house was broken into, everything trashed etc, I was the first home and had to deal with everything), anxiety was at an all time high, world was out to get me and my Dad just wanted me to feel safe and he thought getting a dog, something that could alert me to danger and get me out into the world again would be the best thing for me.
For the first few weeks, heck.. few months, I cried.. a lot! I went into that spiral, everything I did continued to somehow prove how I was a total failure and that Callie deserved so much better than me. When she would have an accident inside or something really minor (hey, 8 week old pup, what on earth did I expect?), it became this massive thing about how I've failed her.
Honestly, from the get-go she had a strong bond with me but it wasn't until she was probably 8 months maybe even older before I started to even remotely feel that "bond" with her that you hear about so often.
She's now 2 years old and I don't know where I would be without her.

So, give yourself a few months. Start looking at making a schedule, teaching her to love a crate or ex-pen so you can have even 30 minutes to yourself each week, or each day even where you can draw or play a video game. Give her a chew toy or something and just sit and enjoy the quiet.
As for your cat, I can relate. I have 3 cats who weren't phased by Callie however when I took in my Mums JRT pup Pip, that was a game-changer! Pip LOVES to get right up into one of our cats faces and tries to play with the others (much to their dislike). With the way our house is set up - lounge/kitchen/dining/study is one room, my room connected to that and then a hallway which leads to my Dads room, bathroom and a room that use to be the garage - we have been able to set up a baby gate in the hallway so the cats have access to Dads room and the ex-garage which gets nice and warm during the day. It gives the cats a way to get away from Pip if they want to.
 
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just stick around, it will grow on you. :)
I'm not a big puppy fan, so i got really closer with them emotionally, mostly when the puppy got older and I could do more things with them. :)

different than cats, that don't really get involved your everyday life (i like cats and had them myself, i don't mean it negatively), a dog shines it's best if you spend as much time with them as possible. Like, take him with you when you go meet friends or sports or just in the park or a café. let him accompany you in your everyday life and before you know you will be used to having it close by and start to like it. ;)
 
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Discussion Starter · #11 ·
Thanks, everyone! I've read all of your replies and I'm really grateful for your input. I'm feeling a lot better today about my relationship with Freybug. She's been coming in to work with me every day, so we're almost never apart, except at night and when she gets crated for a nap so I can have a break myself :D

She really is a wonderful little pup and I'm very happy to have her. I just need to remember that on bad days, tomorrow can, and most likely will, be better.

Cheers and thank you all! You've really helped :)
 
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