[MamaGriz]

Hi. I'm new to the whole 'forum', 'discuss my problems with strangers' thing, but I thought it might be worth a shot to get some insight. A month ago I adopted a German Shepherd/Rottweiler mix from a rescue shelter. I've wanted a dog since I was 16 and our pet died, but I also wanted to make sure that I had a stable environment for it. I've waited 21 years to get a dog, and realized it could be a lot longer if I kept doubting my ability to care for one. So I bit the bullet and went to the local shelter.

I'd been looking online for years, noting the cuties, the sob stories, the brother and sister who wound up separated while I fantasized getting them both. I spotted Grizwold in December 2013, thought he was cute, read his profile, shook my head and kept scanning. In January he disappeared, only to return by February. My self-torture continued as I perused rescue site after rescue site, wishing I had the fortitude to just do it.

I grew up with dogs with a fenced-in yard, who were trained to poop in one spot, not get on furniture, and still listen when we called. I thought I could do it, since I would never hurt an animal if I could avoid it. So when March came around and Griz was still on the listing, my heart took over for my head.

His profile said 'behavior issues' - that he didn't play well with the dog in the house, that he was left outside when his energy got out of control (I suspect he spent 3 years of his life chained to a dog house in a cement yard). All it told me was that the owners didn't take the time to properly acclimate him, that they didn't care enough to train him.

And my thoughts are coming back to haunt me.

I went to the shelter to meet him, and we got along great. He sat when told, came when told, didn't bark, and the shelter staff were thrilled that someone wanted to meet him. The next day I stocked up on doggie supplies and brought him home.

From the beginning I knew that he was a smart cookie. He wouldn't get on the furniture, he didn't get into the trash, he didn't jump the gate that was shorter than him, he didn't bark! We took 2 hour-long walks a day, different routes that he grew to know in short order. But I was making a mistake.

He learned, slowly, not to pull me, but I didn't realize that he had already established that he was in charge and I was just a butler. You see, I am no Alpha. I will never be an Alpha. I have an aversion to the personality type and will neither lead nor follow. I'm a lone wolf type. And he immediately labeled me 'patsy'. I know that's humanizing his attitude, but I'm not - I can see how he looks at me, reacts to me, and chooses whether obeying me will be to his benefit.

He was never trained. I knew this then, and I realize what it means now. This poor dog will require more training than I can give or afford to get him to his full potential as smart, affectionate, 'civilized' companion. He doesn't look me in the eye, he won't answer to his name, and though he'll go through the motions of obeying me when I give an order, its only if he thinks there's something in it for him. And don't get me started on the 'going outside' dance.

Now I hear you - this problem can be fixed with some good training. But he needs a professional, possibly for a year or two, and with my job on the rocks and being a solo homeowner without a 6-figure income, that's not something I'm willing to throw to hope. A professional might help him, they might not. He's had 4 years to become this way - knowing what cute things will get him what he wants, knowing how to look vulnerable to the untrained eye. Yes, more humanizing, but when a dog comes over to you wagging crazily and smiling with his ears low and submissive, he's hard to resist. And if I do, he gets impatient.

I have tried all of the tips for a headstrong or excitable dog - ignoring him until he relents, holding still until he stops pulling, repeating training regularly to let it sink in. But he resists. 'Come Here' - I get a glance over his shoulder and then he ignores me. 'Grizwold! Come'ere boy!' no glance. When walking, if he wants to go a certain way and I say no, he plants his feet and won't move unless I pull him - which I hate doing.

Long story short, and the final icing on the cake of my stupidity, is that I am not the type of person to want to take care of anyone. It is why I'm not married, why I don't have children and never will, why I have no roommates. WHAT POSSESSED ME TO GET A DOG? Perhaps I thought it would fill an empty hole in my heart, but I think that hole is permanent due to my self-centered outlook on life. "Hey, there are plenty of people out there living the responsibility dream. I bought a house, that's enough." And then I get sad because I'll probably never have a decent boyfriend again, so I gaze longingly at the dogs on the rescue sites.

And then pulled a stupid.

So they tell me "If you bring him back, most likely it will not work out well for him. Brought in 3 times for behavior usually doesn't work out well." People say I should list him on Craigslist...but frankly that would take too long if I decided to give him up.

See where this is going? And if I'd just left him there, maybe someone else would have taken him. Now I set him up for the needle...and it's not hurting me enough to change my mind, just making me feel worse.

Grizwold deserves a home with a leader who will mold him, who he'll respect, and who can and will get him the professional training he needs. He doesn't need to be put down, that much I am certain of. But he needs someone better than me.

How do I take him back, when 'it most likely will not work out well for him'?

I'm scared that, regardless of the result, I could just do it. I love dogs and they love me, but having one is making me think long and hard about how much, and it's killing me.

-Mama Razz

He also nips when he greets, is aggressive with some dogs and afraid of others, curiously stared at a squirrel, climbed the fence after deer, and didn't maul me when I held him back from attacking a raccoon. He likes his new kingdom and the live-in butler. I just don't like being a live-in butler and should have known better.

 

[crock]

Well I am on the go and am sure others will chime in soon. But here is the good news: 1) you don't need to be the alpha. 2) all dogs are constantly looking for "what's in it for me." Doesn't make them conniving or mischievous or disobedient--just dogs.

If you take a look at our training and behavior stickies, you will learn about some great approaches to help you with your training.
Posted via Mobile Device

 

[MamaGriz]

It's not the training that worries me. Yes he needs training, but I'm realizing that I don't want to be the one to have to give it to him. not so extensively as he needs. He needs to listen to me...to respect me enough to listen to me. Without that there's no chance. And he does not respect me. I expected less challenge, first of all, and didn't expect my reaction, second.

I need to find a new job. Without that, he won't get what he needs. The job was fine when I brought him home, but now.

And again back to the 'I don't want kids' thing. I must have been crazy not to equate Dog with Kid, but apparently that logic went out the window March 1st.

Thanks for your reply.

 

[TiggerBounce]

Honestly, it's a little hard for me to decipher what the problem actually is with all the humanizing. Aside from the very last paragraph, all I got out of that is that he's behaving like a fairly normal dog, and that perhaps you have struggled to bond with him or understand him as a dog (not humanizing)?

He's not viewing you as a butler, and I"m not sure what you mean by "pesky". You don't need to be an alpha or try to dominate your dog, and I agree that that type A, controlling personality is obnoxious. But he is a dog, and he does require you to care for him. In a way, we are all like butlers and maids to our dogs. We have to exercise them, train them, feed them, do things with them, clean up after them, supervise them. Most of us enjoy doing those things with and for our dogs; we get emotional benefit out of their companionship and we do not feel like they are taking advantage of us. If you do not, then I would question whether or not dog ownership is right for you.

Can you describe, in greater detail, what exactly he's doing that is a problem? And what exactly you have done in response? What do you want him to do for you?

EDIT: I saw your reply...Don't expect him to "respect" you. Dogs are unable to "respect", at least the way we think of the word. It's pretty typical for dogs to only do something when there's benefit in it for them. They won't behave or listen out of respect, or because they think they somehow owe you something. They're animals, not children! You brought him home, so you have to train him. The goal of training is to figure out what the dog wants and ask him to work for it. To use what he wants as the reward for good behavior, so you encourage those behaviors that you want to continue and be repeated.

Also, I don't want or have children either. But I do love my dogs! If dogs were anything like children, I wouldn't have them!

 

[popsistops]

From what you have described, and from what I have read here, it sounds like he's acting like... a dog. That said, it really sounds like you have not bonded to him and that your heart simply isn't in this. Do you want that to change? Or have you basically already made up your mind? I am asking kindly - I know the internet doesn't lend itself well to "tone".

If you have already made up your mind about not working with him but you are truly worried about him being euthanized, perhaps there is a rescue organization that could help you. Would you be willing to foster him until someone else adopted him?

 

[Chasethemutt]

First off, the fact that you posted this seeking help shows that you really care, I can tell. To me it kind of sounds like he's a bit more dog than you were expecting - and you're probably reeling from the sudden change. I would second reading through the training stickies. They are SO helpful! Look up Victoria Stillwell, and Kikopup (youtube). They make training fun.

If you really feel he isn't a good fit for you, fostering him would possibly be an option.

 

[SusanLynn]

Hi MamaGriz,

I understand you. I really do. I guess I'd like to ask you more about the kind of training you've done with him. There are a lot of training methods out there, some of which are much more effective and humane than others. This site promotes positive reinforcement training, which generally involves a lot of clicking and treating. A great source of information about it can be found on kikopup's website:

Dogmantics Dog Training | Progressive Reinforcement Dog Training

Check out her catalog of videos.

So far, it sounds like Grizwold is trainable, but maybe you haven't had the right toolbox of training methods to elicit the behaviors you want from him or to have the kind of relationship you seek. The main thing to put aside is this idea of "alpha dogs" and "dominance." The culture out there talks a lot about both terms, but that kind of thinking and training is pretty old school and often makes owners just feel bad about themselves and their dogs.

 

[MamaGriz]

lost my post to internet glitch, so i'll keep this short.

He's acting like a dog...pulling more when I say no, getting back up on what I say down from, biting my hand when he rubs me to be petted? Peeing out of spite? yes, spite. He looked right at me, walked over to the door and squirted. Didn't leave a puddle of 'gotta go' pee, squirted. When he hasn't marked a thing in the house. Knew not to, and did it while staring me in the eye, yet won't meet my eyes otherwise.

When I signed up for this forum, all was right as rain. But between then and now, he's bitten my hand, climbed out of the yard after deer when I repeatedly told him 'down' from the fence and 'no' from the fence. Say down, he gets back up. Try to teach him to heel...heck, just to not pull, and he pulls more, locks his legs and neck and won't move. If I try to, he growls. This was not what I was in the market for, and without a job now, I'm not in the position to fork out hundreds of dollars just to get him to think I'm worth listening to.

Yes it is about respect. I am no butler, never intended to be for the dog. Intended to be family, but not butler.

I guess my only reason for posting was to vent...to see if this made sense after I'd written it down. he's happy to see me when I get home, but if he goes in the yard instead of for a walk, he gets angry. Yes...angry.

 

[SusanLynn]

MamaGriz,

As I wrote in my post above, I get the frustration. You didn't pick the easiest dog in the pound. I've been there, done that, too.

My guess is that a lot of your training is built on trying to discipline your dog and maybe punishing him for bad behavior. Is that right?

As I wrote above, there are different schools of thought about training, the main focus of this site is to help owners use positive reinforcement techniques to elicit the kinds of behavior they desire in their dog. This is something that you can start doing yourself with a bit of effort to educate yourself on these techniques. If you're willing to try, please check out the website like I gave you.

 

[Grabby]

It's hard for me to know if you really are just venting. If so, I get it. Some dogs are tougher than others. If you really don't want to take care of your dog and be responsible for the training and care he needs, you probably should return him. If, on the other hand, you want to take a deep breath and find some good advice, you're in the right place.

Behavior is behavior but how we interpret that behavior isn't always accurate. I think that's what's sometimes happening with you and your dog. It's easy to misinterpret a dog's behavior. That doesn't make the behavior any more pleasant but when it doesn't feel so personal, it's easier to be less emotional when you're frustrated.

I hope you read some of the articles in the training and behavior thread. Great resources in the sticky threads.

 

[kelly528]

Welcome to the forum… stick around; this dog is totally trainable. I am actually celebrating my first month or so here and aside from the links in my signature, this forum has been my rock for brushing up on my dogmanship for the lab I took on, which came to me as a 'client' at 6 months with no basic training, socialization, or even run of her backyard.

The other members have really hit the nail on the head; you need to stop taking the dog's behaviour personally. Dogs do not pee to piss creatures off. I promise you. It's not an inborn behaviour. He is just a creature going to the bathroom. To think any different is like thinking that an un-potty-trained toddler is trying to sabotage you by using your carpets!

Allow us to show you the real reasons behind your dog's behaviour… just for example:

lost my post to internet glitch, so i'll keep this short.

He's acting like a dog...pulling more when I say no, getting back up on what I say down from, biting my hand when he rubs me to be petted?

What do you mean here by 'down'? What does he think 'down' means. Formally, 'down' commands the dog to lie down on the ground, head up, legs in front of him. But all too often, we forget that dogs don't speak English and feel them 'down' when what we really want is simply for them to put their front feet on the ground. A better name for this command is "Off", but you can use whatever name you want… just don't confuse it with a formal 'down'.

Peeing out of spite? yes, spite. He looked right at me, walked over to the door and squirted. Didn't leave a puddle of 'gotta go' pee, squirted. When he hasn't marked a thing in the house. Knew not to, and did it while staring me in the eye, yet won't meet my eyes otherwise.

First of all, animals don't really have a concept of spite, and can't see how an action like their basic bodily functions might offend or slight you. HOWEVER… it is very common for dogs to look into your eyes as they go potty. They just gaze into your eyes like 'Be with me during this time, please. Weird? Yes, very. But a lot of members will back me up on the soulful pee-gaze behaviour; it's common wherever your dog is peeing, whether you'd like them to pee on it or not.

If you have been scolding him or using aversives, it's also possible that he just wanted to keep an eye on you while he was going!

When I signed up for this forum, all was right as rain. But between then and now, he's bitten my hand, climbed out of the yard after deer when I repeatedly told him 'down' from the fence and 'no' from the fence. Say down, he gets back up. Try to teach him to heel...heck, just to not pull, and he pulls more, locks his legs and neck and won't move. If I try to, he growls. This was not what I was in the market for, and without a job now, I'm not in the position to fork out hundreds of dollars just to get him to think I'm worth listening to.

this isn't necessary IMO unless you have a problem like biting / aggression that requires the help of a professional behaviourist. Stick around, read the stickies and learn the art of getting your dog to serve and obey

Yes it is about respect. I am no butler, never intended to be for the dog. Intended to be family, but not butler.

On this one… I think you're kidding yourself a bit. You follow this dog around, picking up his poop, serving him dinner and taking him on personal escorts around the neighbourhood. Were you not clear on this when you got him?! :rofl:

It sounds like what you really want is to be 'Alfred' to him instead of Dobby. And that we can help you with! Don't give up. Just hang in there, be prepared to learn, ask questions where you're confused and we'll get you through this!

 

[TiggerBounce]

lost my post to internet glitch, so i'll keep this short.

He's acting like a dog...pulling more when I say no, getting back up on what I say down from, biting my hand when he rubs me to be petted? Peeing out of spite? yes, spite. He looked right at me, walked over to the door and squirted. Didn't leave a puddle of 'gotta go' pee, squirted. When he hasn't marked a thing in the house. Knew not to, and did it while staring me in the eye, yet won't meet my eyes otherwise.

When I signed up for this forum, all was right as rain. But between then and now, he's bitten my hand, climbed out of the yard after deer when I repeatedly told him 'down' from the fence and 'no' from the fence. Say down, he gets back up. Try to teach him to heel...heck, just to not pull, and he pulls more, locks his legs and neck and won't move. If I try to, he growls. This was not what I was in the market for, and without a job now, I'm not in the position to fork out hundreds of dollars just to get him to think I'm worth listening to.

Yes it is about respect. I am no butler, never intended to be for the dog. Intended to be family, but not butler.

I guess my only reason for posting was to vent...to see if this made sense after I'd written it down. he's happy to see me when I get home, but if he goes in the yard instead of for a walk, he gets angry. Yes...angry.

I get that your frustrated. Dogs can be very frustrating! You clearly picked a rather high energy dog, and if he had no training before, he will be a challenge even for an experienced dog trainer. So you have every reason to be frustrated.

But I think the first step to fixing this is realizing that you are humanizing him WAY too much. He's not doing things out of spite, and he's not choosing not to listen to you because he thinks you're not worth listening to. Nor is he getting angry, only frustrated. The more you think of his behavior in those terms, the more you will resent him for his behavior, and that's not fair to him. And it certainly won't help you fix this problem. He's not a monster that's out to get you or take advantage of you. He's just an untrained dog. He's acting like an untrained dog normally acts.

Think about his history...Nobody ever taught him how to behave. When I got my puppy, I spent hours training him. He lived IN my house, which means I had to watch him like a hawk. I had to take him outside every couple hours for potty. I had to wake up a couple times through the night and drag my sleepy butt out of bed and remember to praise him and give him a treat before I brought him back in. We worked on basic commands, and things like "stay" and "leave it", and tricks. It took a lot of repetitions to get it down pat. Lots of praise and treats and games of tug. I had to build his focus and teach him to ignore distractions. I had to teach him not to chew on things. I had to teach him how to settle down and not be such a busy body all the time. I had to take him to parks and schools and petstores and friends houses to get him used to all sorts of other people and other dogs and animals.

He was a LOT of work! And now? He's 3, and he's an awesome dog. He loves doing sports, hiking, and doing tricks and learning new tricks with me. That's a very condensed version of what goes into raising a high energy, high drive dog so it's a good citizen and adds things to society.

But your dog didn't get ANY of that. He's truly clueless. He's got no concept of boundaries, he probably wasn't potty trained, he probably wasn't kept in a house, so he doesn't realize certain things aren't ok to do there, he wasn't trained any commands or worked with. These things don't come pre-programmed, or instinctual. There's no respect involved. Just teaching and training and conditioning and forming good habits in him.

You need to go back to basics with him. Does he like food? Maybe some hot dog or boiled chicken? Use that as a treat to reward him. Start capturing his good behavior. When he makes eye contact, toss him a treat.

Ask him to lay down and when he does, say "yes!" and give him a treat. Keep giving him treats, many in a row, so he knows to stay in that position, instead of getting right back up. Then start spacing out the timing of the treats so he has to wait more. He only gets treats if he stays down. If he gets back up, ask him to lay down again and start over. He will learn.

For the leash walking, same thing. Use a treat he really likes and try to lure him to your side. Reward him for being in that position. Then start to try and take a step forward, or even half a step. Reward again him for staying there. Don't move too fast, just a little at a time so he can learn.

Look at this youtube channel: https://www.youtube.com/user/kikopup

I'm sure you will find some videos that demonstrate how to train things you are looking to train, and fix a lot of the problems you have mentioned.

 

[BullyGirl80]

Well you've gotten some advice that I agree with and some that I don't agree with, but from what you've written I don't quite think ANY of the advice will make much of a difference. It sounds like to me that you just don't want the dog, plain and simple....or maybe you want a dog that requires little training. I think that you told us about all of these negative things about your dog in hopes that we will say that you should bring him back to the shelter, and then you won't feel so bad if he gets put down. It sounds to me like you have an normal DOG. As someone else mentioned, we are ALL pretty much butlers for our pets, it's what dog LOVERS love to do. We train (or pay for training), we exercise, we bathe, we groom, we feed and even cook for our dogs if necessary. I'm not sure of what advice to give you other than maybe you should try really hard to find him the great/loving home the he deserves. I wish you and the dog the best of luck, I truly do

 

[cookieface]

Sorry you're feeling so frustrated and angry. It sounds as though you had clear expectations for what you wanted in a dog, and Grizwold isn't it. It happens. Certainly you could return him to the shelter (or foster him until they find him another home). Or, you could try to mold him into the dog you want. But, that will take time and effort - but not necessarily money.

But I think the first step to fixing this is realizing that you are humanizing him WAY too much.

This ^^^ from TiggerBounce is key. Yes, dogs have the same brain structures and chemicals as humans, but they don't have the same higher order thinking skills. They don't have the mental capacity for spite, respect, dominance, or revenge. They function on simpler terms: happiness, fear, comfort, and distress.

That said, they are very sensitive creatures. If you are frustrated or angry, Grizwold will sense your emotions and possibly become more distressed himself. Since he can't vent to other dogs, he does what dogs do. He urinates, he races around, he jumps, he misbehaves - very much like a child who gets frustrated but can't express himself appropriately. It's a vicious downward spiral as you become more frustrated, he becomes more stressed and ill-behaved, and you become more frustrated.

The stickies here have a tremendous amount excellent information about dog behavior and training. It sounds as though with gentle guidance, Grizwold can easily become the dog you envisioned.

 

[BullyGirl80]

And I agree...way too much humanizing.

 

[Tess]

It sounds like you a couple of big factors here in this story.

1) This is indeed a challenging dog to work with, full of energy and a bit fearful. (that's what the growling and nipping your hand are about)

2) You have been exposed to some unfortunate ideas on training and behavior that have you feeling hopeless and intimidated by the process (alpha, having to be the boss, dog peeing out of spite, etc.)


The combination of these two factors is really putting you between a rock and a hard place.
It does sound like the dog might be euthanized if you return him, which is really tough.

All we can say here, is that there are better ways to work with your dog, that are actually ENJOYABLE and not a struggle or a battle with him.
If you change your mind and decide to keep trying, you can start by reading some of the training and behavior stickies. There are people here who will answer your questions.

Good luck. Hope things work out somehow for you and the dog, weather you stay together or not.

 

[Rain]

lost my post to internet glitch, so i'll keep this short.

He's acting like a dog...pulling more when I say no, getting back up on what I say down from, biting my hand when he rubs me to be petted? Peeing out of spite? yes, spite. He looked right at me, walked over to the door and squirted. Didn't leave a puddle of 'gotta go' pee, squirted. When he hasn't marked a thing in the house. Knew not to, and did it while staring me in the eye, yet won't meet my eyes otherwise.

When I signed up for this forum, all was right as rain. But between then and now, he's bitten my hand, climbed out of the yard after deer when I repeatedly told him 'down' from the fence and 'no' from the fence. Say down, he gets back up. Try to teach him to heel...heck, just to not pull, and he pulls more, locks his legs and neck and won't move. If I try to, he growls. This was not what I was in the market for, and without a job now, I'm not in the position to fork out hundreds of dollars just to get him to think I'm worth listening to.

Yes it is about respect. I am no butler, never intended to be for the dog. Intended to be family, but not butler.

I guess my only reason for posting was to vent...to see if this made sense after I'd written it down. he's happy to see me when I get home, but if he goes in the yard instead of for a walk, he gets angry. Yes...angry.

He's acting like an untrained, unsure, not bonded to you yet, dog.

He's not being spiteful, he's not dissing you, he's not trying to be alpha, he's just being a dog.

If you hire a behaviorist, or a trainer, it would be for you not him. It would be to show you how to train him, they'd show you how to read him, show you how to communicate clearly with him.

Dogs do not speak human, they just don't. They don't generalize well, and they do what works to get them what they want, if the distractions are to great they will blow you off. All that means you have to teach them, take the pulling for example, if a dog pulls you start by teaching him to not pull in the house where there are no distractions, then you move out to your backyard where there are more distractions and start over, then on your street you once again start over, then move to a busier place maybe a grocery store parking lot. It takes doing that to get a dog that will not pull where ever he may be, whatever may be going on. It also takes a lot longer then a few weeks to accomplish.

One of my favorite ways that I've ever heard communicating with a dog explained is like this. Imagine if someone from Russia came up to you and started hollering at you in Russian, you know they're trying to communicate with you, you know they want something, but you don't know what. After awhile you stop listening because you don't know what they want, but then you notice that they are getting angrier at you, although you don't know why. Now you either start to cower in fear, or you lash out at them in fear depending on your temperament. That's what's happening with your dog. Now imagine if that Russian speaking person said, in Russian, sit to you a couple times, noticed that you were confused and so took the time to show you what they meant, in addition to doing that they clicked a box and gave you a dollar, then they said the word again, but you still didn't understand so they showed you what to do, clicked the box and gave you a dollar. Once again they said the word, and this time you decided to try sitting, and they clicked the box and gave you five dollars, Wow! that's what they wanted, they wanted you to sit.

At the moment you are the Russian shouting at your dog, and your dog doesn't know what you mean.

One thing to keep in mind, when training dogs it takes time, repetition, training in new locations, and training with slowly increasing distractions. Take away any of that and you'll have a dog that seems to blow you off, but he really isn't he just don't know what you want, or is to distracted to be able to focus.

 

[MamaGriz]

I don't know how to describe things any differently.

In terms of training, I have called a trainer, but he just left me a message today, so I need to call him back to pick his brain. I have not been violent or physical in my training - not including pulling him back when he blatantly ignores me, and I try to be gentle but he just keeps on doing it. Using force does not work on him. Even speaking loudly doesn't. I've learned this already. I believe in saying 'good boy' when he does what I want, and 'no' when he doesn't. The point is this doesn't work. Sit...he sits...good boy...he gets up. Sit...he sits...Stay...he lays down on his back. Apparently I'm supposed to have hours a day to do this, but after three goes he loses interest. And treats? Three treats and he's done. He'll do whatever three times for treats, and then it's over and he won't listen to me anymore.

I think deep down I just know that I made a mistake. I know I should not have done this, but out of loneliness I made a bad decision. I am owning up to it. I want my time back, do you understand? I guess I just thought that confessing would be better mentally than stewing and worrying. I love dogs, I really do. But I realize now that I value my independence, freedom and personal time much more. It's cold and cruel of me, considering that I have him now, but sometimes you need to try something first to see if it fits you. No need to shame me...I already feel it. I just...I want to sleep in. I want to stay up late. I want to be able to eat without saying 'no'. If I have a chance to socialize, I want to take it, not worry about getting home to the dog. I want my arms to stop feeling like lead. I don't want a child.

I'm selfish. Ok. I realize that it is more prevalent than I thought. Maybe I posted this on the wrong thread...but I just want to take him back.

Tonight I got home, he hadn't messed in the house even though I was gone longer, I couldn't apply any training to the whole 'leash, door, walk' thing because he had to go so bad, and I can't just let him into the yard because of the fence issue. So he wiggled and jiggled and I let him lead as usual because trying to get him to heel never works - after a month it does not work. He ate a chicken bone off the sidewalk because he was ahead of me and no matter how many many times I say 'no' he does what he wants. We got home, I fed him and sat down to play, only for him to turn away. The one room I'm in the most he won't come into, but I have a life suchasitis and I'm not spending my time watching him chew a bone just to make him happy. If that is what being a dog owner is about, then I am thoroughly mistaken and admit it.

I am almost positive that I made a mistake. I'm sorry, I guess, that I'm a failure at dog owning...but maybe I'm just not meant to have one. Maybe I can be good with them and love them, but can't have them. It's sad and a quitter's attitude, but I guess I forgot over the years of being in my safety bubble that...I'm a quitter. I avoid controversy, conflict and discomfort like the plague. I was out of my mind and being led by my heart when I thought I could handle a dog. Years of research, longing, discussion with others, knowing what I wouldn't do...apparently it was all for nothing.

So I guess my question should be: should I take him to a different shelter, or wouldn't that make a difference? I've written up a note on what I've learned, but from the way you all react to my descriptions, maybe now it's useless. I just know that he needs someone other than me. Maybe a leader, maybe someone rich, maybe he should be a police dog...but I'm not the right person to care for him. I don't mean to humanize the dog, I can only describe his behavior the best I know how.

Evidence that I have no business having a dog? Perhaps.

I already feel horrible, about returning him, about my mistake in taking him in the first place, and about quitting...but I shouldn't be miserable with a dog. Regardless of my needs, he doesn't deserve that.

 

[SusanLynn]

Hi MamaGriz,

There is no need to feel shame. As I've said before, I understand your situation more than you know. Last November, I brought home a shelter dog tjat was a lot like your dog - a large, untrained, adolescent dog who needed a tremendous amount of training, supervision, and exercise. I did what I could, including taking him to obedience classes and hiring a trainer, but in the end, I realized that rehoming him was the best solution for myself, my family, and for my dog. Once I decided to rehome him, I contacted several local rescue groups. One group helped me place him in a private, no-kill shelter. That shelter then placed him in a new home with, I hope, a much more suitable family. In the end, I have no regrets.

No one here made me feel ashamed, and I continued to be a member because I still wanted a dog. I learned as much as I could, and last week, came home with the most adorable lapdog that ever existed. I couldn't be happier.

You know yourself, you know your situation. If you would still like to work with your dog, we have the resources and willingness to help you. If you decide that you've done all that you can, then I hope that you might be able to find him a new home.

 

[RockysA]

Well, while you decide what to do next, you could spend 10, 20, 30 or whatever minutes a day training him on...something.

That way if/when the time comes, and you decide not to keep him, you'll at least know you spent some time teaching him something that might help him do better in his next home.

Plenty of people foster dogs and do just that.

And you had suggested police dog...maybe search and rescue would be another good fit. See if you can find organization in the area that might be willing to take him on in that capacity.