[HomesteadFox]

I want to start with the fact that other than this one thing, my partner is exactly what I want in a relationship. He takes care of me, is responsible with his money, a hard worker, we have tons of fun and good times together. I have only been with him 7 months, but I honestly have never been happier in my life and he is supportive of most everything I pursue.
I love animals, and he readily puts up with my horses, rabbits, foxes and various other animals. He helps care for them often and enjoys their company.

However; He absolutely cannot stand dogs. He had several bad experiences as a child and just never liked them in general even before hand. When we got together, I told him of my wants and that eventually I wanted to try and get a service dog to help with my severe anxiety and fainting spells. He did not say anything much about this.. so I assumed it was okay. Bad assumption. Fast forward, I brought home (He knew previously) a puppy, he finally blew up just days before (had already paid for the pup) and told me how much he hated dogs. At this point we decided we would try. Things went okay at first, then the puppy bit him because he went to potty on the floor and boyfriend scooped him up quickly and scared the poor thing. After that he wanted nothing to do with him and basically gave me an ultimatum. Because of the puppies biting (happened a few times, actually bites not regular puppy bites) we re-homed him. I miss him terribly.

I have tried to get along without a dog, but even if I can't have a service dog I ache so badly for the company of a dog that I don't know what to do! I have dreams that he agrees to let me have one and they are torture to wake up from. He doesn't understand... And I do not hate or resent him for this. I totally understand that not everyone likes the same things. But this does not escape the fact that I am still unhappy. I can't bear the thought of not having either in my life.

Tips, opinions? I really really want to be with this man for the rest of my life. Marriage material.. but I know that if I am miserable I can't 100% make him happy either. Here are some compromises I have tried to come up with... let me know what you think. Thanks in advance.

Build dog an outside enclosure (20x40) and heated dog house.
Dog can come inside to sleep during bad weather but will stay in our spare room that is totally unused.
Boyfriend currently works 2nd shift.. I spend a lot of lonely hours, so dog could come inside and give me company when my boyfriend is asleep or at work, and stay outside when he is home.

I have 3 acres the dog can roam when I am home but the fences are only 4ft so I wouldn't want to leave him unattended. My dream dog is either an Australian or German Shepherd. I am very active outside so he would still get lots of attention and exercise.

thanks for any tips or imput...

 

[Aspen726]

If I'm being totally honest, it sounds like you need to pick either boyfriend or dog. It sounds like he will resent any dog (not a dig at him, he's being honest and saying he doesn't want one) and the dog will feel that. It's really not fair to the dog not matter how much you want one. The two breeds you mentioned above would not thrive in that type of environment. They need (almost) constant stimulation- mental and physical. Dogs are expensive. If your bf doesn't want a dog, I can imagine that he will not be thrilled with all of the money you would be spending on one.

 

[Chas]

If you do give it another try consider an older quiet dog, puppies can be absolute terrors even for people that love dogs.

 

[Samson5261]

Maybe not get a puppy since they need so much work and tend to want to chew on everything including people until taught better. An adult dog that has been with a foster would be a better option. That way the foster family know the personality and temperament. You may even be able to take your bf to meet the dog several times before actually adopting this may help also. I hope this helps��. Good luck!
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[traciek88]

Simply put, you have to choose between this guy and dogs. I don't think that arrangement for an outside dog is doable or fair to the people or dogs. Even if the event he agreed to this, you sound like someone who would be spending a lot of time with the dog instead of him, and probably have the dog into the house when he wasn't home. Which, as a dog lover, I can understand. But what you probably want in a pet is a "velcro" dog that will snuggle with you and be very close and attentive. A dog like that would be miserable being outside all the time, especially if they get fawned over when he is away.

Your boyfriend has told you point blank, he hates dogs. He already forced you to give away your puppy because he was behaving like a puppy. This is demonstrating that he gave it a try and he is NOT ok with living with dogs. I don't even think he's being a jerk about it because he wasn't shy about telling you from the start that he doesn't like dogs.

I don't know how old you are or how many relationships you've been in, but to me 7 months does not sound like that long a relationship. How long have you been living together if you've only been together 7 months? I think you need to evaluate what's most important to you. And did I read correctly that you also have horses and rabbits? (And foxes?! Like red foxes?) If you do have other pets, maybe see if any of them can fulfill that companionship and snuggle need. Personally I think similar pet choices with a partner are almost as important as whether or not you want to have children. So you need to decide if this relationship is perfect enough otherwise to sacrifice your chance of ever having a dog.

 

[Shandula]

You've been given pretty solid advice above, but I just want to add that Aussies NEED to be with their people. When I let my guys out to go potty, my Aussie always looks over his shoulder "Are you coming too?"

I do not think they would thrive being left alone outside all the time.

 

[Aspen726]

@Chas brings up a great point. If you work with a local rescue, they can probably match you up perfectly with a dog and if it doesn't work out, they will take the dog back.

If you want the dog as a service dog, are there organizations near you that can help you find the right match?

Also, please note: for anxiety, I do not believe you would be able to get a service dog, it would be an Emotional Support Animal and they have completely different classifications.

I really don't mean to sounds harsh but your bf is being honest- he doesn't want a dog. So, you need to be honest with yourself and him and decide if you're okay with not having a dog but having him or not. Who knows, maybe in a few years, he'll meet a wonderful dog that changes his mind. Pushing it on him, though, could really result in disaster for your relationship and the dog.

 

[Natasha33]

Is he afraid of dogs or just doesn't like them? What is it about dogs that he doesn't like? If he's willing to talk honestly and openly, find out what that is and if it's reasonable, ask him if there is a breed you are both willing to compromise on. If that's possible then find an adult (not a puppy) of that breed that is already trained on basic manners and pick it up together.

If this is truly the one and only issue with your relationship... personally (and because you don't yet have a dog now), if that were me in that situation I wouldn't dump him over this, especially if he's happy with all the other animals. But that's just my personal opinion, others will have different opinions, but you'll have to decide what to do for yourself. That's the problem with relationships, there are some things you might have to compromise on. But talk it out seriously before coming to a final decision.

 

[srelizabeth]

I realize you are trying to compromise, but I don't think it would be fair to any dog to be cast away outside when a certain person (in this case your boyfriend) comes home.

I think it's a great idea to start visiting dogs with your boyfriend so he can see that not all dogs are the same, and eventually he will find one he can accept.. I would never want my boyfriend to give up something he really wants because of me, and I'd do my best to make it work if I wanted to stay with him.

That being said, 7 months does sound like a short time - how are you so sure things will work out, if he's already giving you an ultimatum? Sometimes you just gotta listen to you heart and do what's right for you.

Best wishes!

 

[jagger]

Any dog parks around? Honey, lets go for a walk...

Over the years, I've had friends that wanted a dog, didn't know what to get. My response, take the kids to a dog park, let them experience the different dogs, different breeds, talk to the owners.

Sometimes it just takes the right dog. One of my friends hated dogs, she's a clean freak, house is spotless. Hubby and kids decided to bring home an American Eskimo, good god the hair, drove her around the bend. That was short lived. Then she met her current dog, little poodle - a princess now - and everything changed.

You may never have a dog with this man in your life.

 

[jclark343]

I think you need to have a real solid talk with him. Is this something he could eventually get over? Or does he just hate dogs? If he has a bonafide hated for dogs, then you have to make a choice what you'd rather have in our life, him or a dog.

Also, whatever you do, do not get either one of those breeds. Neither will do well living outside and neither will do well with convincing your boyfriend to like dogs. Both can be nippy herding breeds.

 

[SchnauzerGirl8810]

When I was dating my husband he informed me that he "hated" dogs. Why? Because according to him, dogs were dirty, dumb, and obnoxious. Dogs did horrible things like chew up your stuff, bite you, or pee on you (yes, he had experienced these exact things).

I told him that not all dogs were that way and that I could not live my life without dogs (at the time, I didn't have any dogs).

Despite the fact that I truly loved this man, I told him that if being with him meant no dogs ever, our relationship wouldn't work. He thought it over and decided he would cope with a dog (hurray!!)

Out if consideration to him, i waited to get a dog until we had been married for over a year. I focused on our relationship instead of diverting time and attention away from him to a dog.

When it came time to get the pup, I involved him in the process. We looked at pictures together and discussed temperaments. He narrowed it down to a few breeds and visited breeders. When we settled on a mini schnauzer (my breed choice), I selected a reputable breeder and put down a deposit. When it came time to pick our little guy (I wanted a boy), there were three to choose from. I let my husband pick the pup (without my input). He got on the floor and played with all three and held each one and decided on one pup that he claimed "liked him (my husband) the most."

At first, my husband was merely tolerant of the pup. He didn't do much of the care or training. I gladly took care of those things and just my husband so the things he found fun. I made sure to be extremely diligent with training so the dog would not have any unpleasant habits that would bother my husband.

Eventually this little dog won my husband heart. My husband appreciated how smart and well behaved the dog was (see, I told you not all dogs are naughty!) and my husband really admired how much our dog "loved life." Now, they are best buds and my husband gladly walks him every day and even attends training class most weeks.

A few years later, my husband was very excited about adding our second dog (he insisted on another mini schnauzer).

The point of this very long response is this: I was prepared to end the relationship if he couldn't accept a dog. Given that choice, he decided to accept dogs into his life. Once he agreed to do this, I went slowly and didn't force the dog on him. We had a couple years together before adding the dog. Once we got the dog, I let my husband gradually warm up to the dog by doing only the fun stuff. I am sure the way I went about it had a lot to do with my husband going from hating dogs to loving dogs

I hope this helps.

 

[KayWilson]

So I'm single and have had this come up a few times, particularly since I'm in an area where farm dogs and that mentality are common.

I own a dog that has issues, but even if I didn't, any boyfriend would have to at least support me enough to tolerate dogs. They don't have to love them, don't have to train, don't have responsibility, but they do need to give me enough respect and support to realize that dogs are a part of my life and always will be (as I will always have 1 or 2 in my life regardless). It would be the same if he was a cat person, I don't hate cats but they aren't my fave.

If they can't handle that, then they are not the one. Simple.

 

[BrittaS]

I have a similar story to Schnauzergirl.
I never had dogs before, but still I knew I wanted one at some point.

Once in a while I told my husband how I'd love to have a dog. But he was never fond of the idea, in his mind (mostly because his mother imprinted this on him) dogs, or pets in general, were dirty, stinky and totally useless.
Well, around Christmas time I thought that we were ready for adding a dog to our life, so I started to talk more about, looked for rescue dogs that I thought would suit us (mostly on petfinder). He started to warm up to the idea, mostly because we agreed on certain things like not overly shedding, no puppy for us, since we are beginners and I'd be the main responsible person for everything.
We then went and looked at dogs from rescues around the area and on 1/30/16 we found our girl. Both of us were totally in love with her, she made a connection with both of us right away. (by the way, his mum loves Bri! )

What we don't know, since we don't know your BF, how far the "hate" scale is tipped. The one mistake that could have ruined it for you was bringing home the puppy without really involving your BF.
I agree with the others, let some time pass, 7 months is nothing, see where it goes and once in a while "poke" him verbally. Make compromises with him in regards of the breed and age and don't be too set on anything. The compromise with having the dog outside is a no-go for me. I wanted a dog as a companion and I wouldn't let my companion sit outside just because my human companion came home.

If you want to read my story: http://www.dogforum.com/new-additions/husband-not-100-board-go-ahead-263001/

 

[JudyG]

My daughter has a cat (I know, not a dog, but stay with me ) my daughter had been through a tough time & the cat has been there with her. When she met her now husband, he was not a cat person, but she explained how important the cat was to her, it wasn't up for discussion, if he couldn't live with the cat, he couldn't live with her! 3 years on, he is besotted with the cat, even sets up a 'cat cam' when they go out to make sure she's ok
If he loves you, he will try to understand what this means to you IMO

 

[kjdarley]

i would say its time to find a new boyfriend. your dogs depend on you to take care of them, that doesn't change when the people around you change . if he cared about you as much as you say, he'd adjust to being around your children (dogs) for you. because you love them and he loves you.

 

[ZoesMom]

I don't think I could ever be with someone who didn't like dogs. My whole life has been entwined dogs since I was a kid and I will never live without one. Tons of people have failed me throughout my life but my dogs have always been there for me. I can't say the same for the humans and I don't think it's physically possible for me to choose a person over my dogs.

 

[wespom]

break up. probably lacks compassion overall too.

 

[timber]

When I first met my husband I had 4 dogs already and was fostering for the rescue. I basically told him from the very beginning that this is my lifestyle and he could take it or leave it (I worded it more softly to him). We have been together for 6 years, going on 7 this November. He does sometimes get overwhelmed with certain fosters but I am always the primary caretaker of the resident dogs and fosters. This is something I also told him at the beginning, that I wasn't expecting him to take care of them and such (only if he wants to), that it was my responsibility to care for them since I had them from before we met. So far so good.

I would talk with your boyfriend and find out exactly what it is that he hates about dogs. Start from there and see where it leads to. 7 months is a short time, but if you really feel he's the one, then there needs to be compromises on both ends, not just him to accept what you want. You also need to consider him and compromise as well. I'm not saying to not get a dog in the future, but to find a way to make both sides happy.

I personally could not be with someone who hates dogs, they are such a huge part of my life. But that is just a personal opinion and I am not saying to leave him in order to get a dog. It's all up t you and what you can accept and what you can't accept in your heart.

 

[Ems]

With me and my husband I was the one who didn't want a dog.

I am more of a cat person.

Before we got married my husband flat out told me that if we were getting married then at some point in our life we were having a dog and I could walk away if that wasn't ok. I love him more than I dislike dogs so I chose to stay.

We got our dog, it was all the trouble I expected it to be, as a SAHM I was the main carer, but I remembered what we agreed on and because I love my family so much, stuck it out. The first dog was not a fun experience, it was the wrong dog. Too many problems. We found him a great suitable home, and a couple of years later got a puppy. The reason I was willing to try again was because I love my family.

It was everything I expected, poop, pee, trouble, but at some point I fell in love with the stupid creature, she is now my dog.

If this is your forever man, do not marry him (or buy a home or any really deep commitment) unless he agrees that at some point you can have a dog. Let him make the decision, is his dislike of dogs greater than his love for you? If he really loves you, he will try. He may never fall in love with your dog, but he will let you have one and not be a jerk about normal doggy mistakes. If he says no, then walk away.