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Discussion Starter #1
Hi, so after many many years I have finally gotten a puppy. She is beautiful but I am going through a lot.
A little background first: I have borderline personality disorder so my anxiety is pretty bad every time a change happens... and this is exactly what it is happening now: I love my puppy but she is also a huge change in my life and I still don't know how to manage with her...
I don't feel like eating or doing anything till five or six in the afternoon when my parents and sister are home and we can all play with her.
I have never had a kid but this feels like postpartum depression... I just want my dog to be ok and that nothing bad happens to her and to make things worse..... she has an ear infection plus a hernia so yes... she is not perfectly healthy....
I could really use some support here cause I feel I cannot do this anymore.
 

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First, you are not on your own, lots of people feel overwhelmed so it's nothing to feel uncomfortable about. A puppy is a massive upheaval, and on top of your own health issues, and your puppy's, you have a lot on your plate.

I find getting a routine helps, like up at a particular time, walk, feed - it doesn't matter the times or the order, it's the routine that works for me.

Focus on some easy wins - get her ear infection sorted, get reassurance from the vet about her hernia (what sort of hernia is it?) and then at least there is a plan in place.

Then get some photos on here, we love puppy pictures !
 

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Discussion Starter #3
First, you are not on your own, lots of people feel overwhelmed so it's nothing to feel uncomfortable about. A puppy is a massive upheaval, and on top of your own health issues, and your puppy's, you have a lot on your plate.

I find getting a routine helps, like up at a particular time, walk, feed - it doesn't matter the times or the order, it's the routine that works for me.

Focus on some easy wins - get her ear infection sorted, get reassurance from the vet about her hernia (what sort of hernia is it?) and then at least there is a plan in place.

Then get some photos on here, we love puppy pictures !
It's an umbilical hernia, the vet said that she could remove it when she gets castrated so that's the plan...
She cannot get outside for walks because she still needs some shots so she is going to the toilet all over our house which is making me feel even worse sometimes cause I cannot get to potty training her... we have only had her for a week and I know its still soon to have certain expectations.... but to be honest I would love to get this puppy blues over with. I need to feel like I have control over my life again and I am definitely not rehoming her.
Here are some pics
 

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Ok, let's look at toilet training and risk assessment. I am in the uk so here, unless a space is regularly used by rats or unvaccinated dogs, it's safe to take a puppy outside. Where do you live, what sort of outdoor space do you have, and what wildlife could have access?
 

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Discussion Starter #5
I am in Argentina and here it's a risk to get unvaccinated puppy's outside of the house.
I live in a flat with a balcony so she has access to that... we are trying hard to get her to know where she can go potty...
 

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Oh, how gorgeous is she?

Now, toileting. A balcony is great. Can you get a shallow box or tray, with turf, sand, or gravel and put it out on your balcony? Getting her used to grass or gravel will make it easier for her to learn where to toilet, and transition to outside later.

Take her out and put her on it every 45 minutes. Toilet training happens when two things come together - the ABILITY to hold the toilet, along with the DESIRE to hold it in order to earn the reward for doing so.

When she toilets on it, make a huge fuss (never mind the neighbours, act like outdoor toileting is the best thing you have ever seen) and reward her with a high value treat. Do that immediately, don't make her come to you for the treat so she is clear that it's for toileting and not for coming to you. The idea is that she wants to earn the treat enough to hold the toilet until she is outside - once she is physically able to control her toileting obviously.

If you take her out and she doesn't toilet after five minutes, bring her in but don't take your eyes off her. Any hint of a toilet inside, scoop her up and get her out fast. If she doesn't try to toilet indoors (great!) take her out a second time and repeat until you do get outside toilets. You need the outside toilet to happen SO that you can reward SO that she learns. If she has an accident inside don't react at all. If you get annoyed she may learn to fear your reaction and avoid you if she needs to toilet - the opposite of what you want. Dogs cant make the distinction between you being annoyed at them TOILETING, as opposed to toileting INDOORS. Take a rolled up newspaper and hit yourself over the head for not having taken her outside in time. Not when she is there though in case you scare her. Then clean the area with an enzymatic cleaner to remove any trace of smell that might attract her back to the spot.

Indoors if you see her circling or scratching the floor, that can sometimes precede toileting so get her out fast.

Overnight she is unlikely to be able to control her toilet as her little bladder and bowel are underdeveloped and not strong enough to hold all night so set your alarm to take her out at least once if not twice during the night.

I promise, once you have a good toilet routine, it will get a lot easier.
 

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She is gorgeous! But even the easiest puppies can come as a shock. I remember thinking that mine was more work than my children because when I put them down they would stay in the same place, wear nappies and not eat the furniture! To a certain extent, we do need to let go of some control when we have either puppies or human babies, and in general, this is no bad thing - it teaches you to go with the flow. But going with the flow may be harder for you than most other people.

Have you spoken to your parents about how you are feeling? Do you have anyone you can get in touch with during the day if you're feeling really bad? What kind of support would really help you, either emotional or practical support?

Focus on the essentials: as @JoanneF said, on potty training and your pup's health, but also on yourself and what you need. Can you get some easy healthy snacks that won't take too much motivation to grab during the day? And what do you like doing with your pup? Cuddling (to the extent pup likes it - don't smother her), and whatever games/training you feel like doing - again, something straightforward like waving a fluffy toy in her face, or chucking tiny treats to the far side of the room for her to get, so you don't have to overthink it.
 

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Discussion Starter #8
Oh, how gorgeous is she?

Now, toileting. A balcony is great. Can you get a shallow box or tray, with turf, sand, or gravel and put it out on your balcony? Getting her used to grass or gravel will make it easier for her to learn where to toilet, and transition to outside later.

Take her out and put her on it every 45 minutes. Toilet training happens when two things come together - the ABILITY to hold the toilet, along with the DESIRE to hold it in order to earn the reward for doing so.

When she toilets on it, make a huge fuss (never mind the neighbours, act like outdoor toileting is the best thing you have ever seen) and reward her with a high value treat. Do that immediately, don't make her come to you for the treat so she is clear that it's for toileting and not for coming to you. The idea is that she wants to earn the treat enough to hold the toilet until she is outside - once she is physically able to control her toileting obviously.

If you take her out and she doesn't toilet after five minutes, bring her in but don't take your eyes off her. Any hint of a toilet inside, scoop her up and get her out fast. If she doesn't try to toilet indoors (great!) take her out a second time and repeat until you do get outside toilets. You need the outside toilet to happen SO that you can reward SO that she learns. If she has an accident inside don't react at all. If you get annoyed she may learn to fear your reaction and avoid you if she needs to toilet - the opposite of what you want. Dogs cant make the distinction between you being annoyed at them TOILETING, as opposed to toileting INDOORS. Take a rolled up newspaper and hit yourself over the head for not having taken her outside in time. Not when she is there though in case you scare her. Then clean the area with an enzymatic cleaner to remove any trace of smell that might attract her back to the spot.

Indoors if you see her circling or scratching the floor, that can sometimes precede toileting so get her out fast.

Overnight she is unlikely to be able to control her toilet as her little bladder and bowel are underdeveloped and not strong enough to hold all night so set your alarm to take her out at least once if not twice during the night.

I promise, once you have a good toilet routine, it will get a lot easier.
Thanks! I'll try it!!
But there is more...I feel like I don't know how to do my life with her... everything is just so different and I can't seem to adapt... at night, however, its different and I am happy that I got her but during the day Is a challenge to get it together
 

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Discussion Starter #9
She is gorgeous! But even the easiest puppies can come as a shock. I remember thinking that mine was more work than my children because when I put them down they would stay in the same place, wear nappies and not eat the furniture! To a certain extent, we do need to let go of some control when we have either puppies or human babies, and in general, this is no bad thing - it teaches you to go with the flow. But going with the flow may be harder for you than most other people.

Have you spoken to your parents about how you are feeling? Do you have anyone you can get in touch with during the day if you're feeling really bad? What kind of support would really help you, either emotional or practical support?

Focus on the essentials: as @JoanneF said, on potty training and your pup's health, but also on yourself and what you need. Can you get some easy healthy snacks that won't take too much motivation to grab during the day? And what do you like doing with your pup? Cuddling (to the extent pup likes it - don't smother her), and whatever games/training you feel like doing - again, something straightforward like waving a fluffy toy in her face, or chucking tiny treats to the far side of the room for her to get, so you don't have to overthink it.
Yes, I've talked with my parent and they seem to understand but I want to get it together..
I need to learn to do my life with her and that is a huge challenge for me... I thought getting a dog was gonna be really beneficial but I am struggling so hard
 

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Everything will feel very different, because it is. Until your routine becomes the new normal. But that will take a little time.

Do your parents and sister know you are struggling - and can they help out a little more, maybe by taking a couple of mornings or afternoons off work to ease you all into the new routine?
 

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Please beleive it will get better but even people like myself who have had dogs all their lives get puppy blues. When those little teeth draw blood and youre up for the 5th time in the night every night ofr a week we all wonder why the hell we do it and yet ....There comes a day when they sleep through the night , they dont have an accident on the floor they learn to play nicely and you realise you are getting through it.
Its always easier once they can go outside because then you can really start to get a routine going but in the meantime youve had some great advice about using the balcony ..I always use a word to indicate I want them to toilet and that this outside time is not just for fun and games... I ask my dogs to 'do business' in the beginning you have to wait until they are actually doing a toilet before you use the word so that they learn that word and that action go together.

Also its important that she learns to be alone just for a few minutes so that you can go to the bathroom or shower alone without her this will also give you a break and everyone feels better after having a nice shower. So start teaching her that by leaving her just for a few moments or not holding her all the time she shouldnt need you to play with her all the time she needs to learn how to settle,,
 

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I feel like I don't know how to do my life with her... everything is just so different and I can't seem to adapt...
I felt exactly like this when my firstborn came home from hospital. My husband and I sat down, our son asleep in the carry cot, and thought 'What happens now? What do we do?' And to be honest, it took quite a while to get past that.

What would you have been doing in the daytime before she came along? What would you like to be doing, either on your own or with her? Are you able to map out a plan and just go through with it for a few days even if you feel like you're trudging through treacle?
 

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Discussion Starter #13
Everything will feel very different, because it is. Until your routine becomes the new normal. But that will take a little time.

Do your parents and sister know you are struggling - and can they help out a little more, maybe by taking a couple of mornings or afternoons off work to ease you all into the new routine?
They know i am struggling and they are alrready stepping out and helpping me out the best they can but they cannot take time off work.... My sister doesnt work but she says the dog is my responsability so when i am home... i mean she loves her now but i dont know if she would be able to step up a little more or only when i am at work or out doing something important,,,
 

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I felt exactly like this when my firstborn came home from hospital. My husband and I sat down, our son asleep in the carry cot, and thought 'What happens now? What do we do?' And to be honest, it took quite a while to get past that.

What would you have been doing in the daytime before she came along? What would you like to be doing, either on your own or with her? Are you able to map out a plan and just go through with it for a few days even if you feel like you're trudging through treacle?
The thing is.... when i am not at work or at college, i would use my free time to watch netflix or youtube or something and now i feel like i dont have any more free time cause i need to be cleaning out after the dog or playing with her or doing something with her cause i feel like my parents or sister are "observing" the way i act or interact with her.... i dont know if you get me or if i sound a little bit stupid but thats the way i feel
 

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Please beleive it will get better but even people like myself who have had dogs all their lives get puppy blues. When those little teeth draw blood and youre up for the 5th time in the night every night ofr a week we all wonder why the hell we do it and yet ....There comes a day when they sleep through the night , they dont have an accident on the floor they learn to play nicely and you realise you are getting through it.
Its always easier once they can go outside because then you can really start to get a routine going but in the meantime youve had some great advice about using the balcony ..I always use a word to indicate I want them to toilet and that this outside time is not just for fun and games... I ask my dogs to 'do business' in the beginning you have to wait until they are actually doing a toilet before you use the word so that they learn that word and that action go together.

Also its important that she learns to be alone just for a few minutes so that you can go to the bathroom or shower alone without her this will also give you a break and everyone feels better after having a nice shower. So start teaching her that by leaving her just for a few moments or not holding her all the time she shouldnt need you to play with her all the time she needs to learn how to settle,,
thats exactely what i am feeling... like i have to be with her or arround her or supervising her everytime i am in the house and i know thats not healthy for her or for me... so... how do i do this? how do i get myself to understand it?
 

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Once she is older, you will be able to watch Netflix etc. It's just while she is very young that she will be so demanding and dependant. So if you can get your routine sorted out, and give up your Netflix for a little while (or do your viewing in the evenings when other people are there for your puppy) you may start to see some light at the end of the tunnel.
 

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Discussion Starter #17
That's the thing... she is not as demanding and she is pretty independent but my parents are behind me saying I should be with her and stuff like that... and I have to work, I need to send some emails out and start planning lessons (I am a teacher) so being behind her is exhausting.... I love her and my whole family is in love with her but as its "my responsibility" I'm the one suffering all of this and I have to work too
 

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You don't sound stupid at all - you are struggling, as many do, and are reaching out for help, which is the BEST thing to do.

If she is independent, and if she is allowing you to get on with work (and YouTube, etc.), then it is GOOD that she doesn't have you interacting the whole time. A well-adjusted dog is usually expected to cope with being left for a few hours a day, and it's equally important that they learn not to demand attention from you the whole time when you are there (I work from home so my dog has to accept this). Learning to fit into the household in this way is as important for her as the other skills we need to teach them.
 

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Yes, and that is what im trying to get my family to understand... im not gonna be here the whole time and she needs to learn to be alone, yet, they are giving me the sight for not playing with her when im home and that gives me a guillty sensation... thats the one that im trying to cope with
 

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Discussion Starter #20
Today I'm feeling really down, I don't know why... it's like my only relief is when I get out of the house or when in the evening we are all together playing with her...
 
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