Puppy is not attached to me.

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Puppy is not attached to me.

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Old 02-13-2011, 11:32 AM
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Puppy is not attached to me.

I have taken such good care of Lola, and she doesn't even seem to have a clue that I exist. I've never had a dog before, and I've always wanted that connection that I see people have with their dogs. I know that it takes time, but I have spent just about every second with her for a month now.

When I go to pick her up to bring her outside (or wherever), she ducks back and tries to get away from me like I'm some terrible person. The nights that we sleep at my boyfriend's house, she ALWAYS sleeps right between his legs and never mine. She has huge favoritism for him, and he has never taken her out to pee, never fed her, never disciplined her, never trained her, etc. All he does is play with her a little bit when I bring her over there, and she loves him.

As long as someone else is present, she takes no notice when I leave the room. She doesn't care if I'm there or gone, as long as someone is there with her.

It's not like I want her to be co-dependent and have separation anxiety when I leave or anything, but I have done so much for her and all I want is the dog-owner relationship that every other owner seems to have with their dog.

What can I do to help her bond with me?
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Old 02-13-2011, 12:16 PM
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I had this issue with Maisy to begin with - now she's so attached and clingy it's kind of annoying. At first all she did was play with Freddy, or go to members of my family - took me a while to realise that she trusted me, and she didn't trust them. They were novelty, and I wasn't. So although she would love sitting on someone's lap in company...I was the one she looked to when she was scared, or needed something, it just takes time. It took a lot of coaxing from my boyfriend before I accepted that in time she would become visably attached to me so I could feel that bond, and he was totally right; by the time she was six months old she adored me and follows me everywhere now, constantly wanting to be near me.

As for ducking away...news flash for you, puppies are brats.
If she's ducking away she's either saying 'HEY, I wanna play some more!' or she's saying 'I don't like to be touched like that.' What you can do is condition her and just be gentle, no grabbing her to bring her in, just coax her gently and give her lots of treats. Teaching her 'come' right now would be pretty beneficial too.

Some dogs are seriously just aloof and confident enough that they don't NEED you seemingly (although obviously they do!) so you just have to wait this out and keep a routine. Remember...you're mum, she sees you every day, spends all her time with you, you're far more boring than a new person! Pretty soon she'll grow up a little and begin to show her bond to you. Keep the faith!

Last edited by Tulip; 02-13-2011 at 12:20 PM.
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Old 02-13-2011, 12:23 PM
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I had this issue with Maisy to begin with - now she's so attached and clingy it's kind of annoying. At first all she did was play with Freddy, or go to members of my family - took me a while to realise that she trusted me, and she didn't trust them. They were novelty, and I wasn't. So although she would love sitting on someone's lap in company...I was the one she looked to when she was scared, or needed something, it just takes time. It took a lot of coaxing from my boyfriend before I accepted that in time she would become visably attached to me so I could feel that bond, and he was totally right; by the time she was six months old she adored me and follows me everywhere now, constantly wanting to be near me.

As for ducking away...news flash for you, puppies are brats.
If she's ducking away she's either saying 'HEY, I wanna play some more!' or she's saying 'I don't like to be touched like that.' What you can do is condition her and just be gentle, no grabbing her to bring her in, just coax her gently and give her lots of treats. Teaching her 'come' right now would be pretty beneficial too.

Some dogs are seriously just aloof and confident enough that they don't NEED you seemingly (although obviously they do!) so you just have to wait this out and keep a routine. Remember...you're mum, she sees you every day, spends all her time with you, you're far more boring than a new person! Pretty soon she'll grow up a little and begin to show her bond to you. Keep the faith!
Thanks, Tulip! It makes more sense to me now. And omg she is SUCH a brat. She's extremely demanding and if she's not being played with 24/7, she barks and growls and whines. It's QUITE annoying. I hope she'll grow out of all this like Maisy did
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Old 02-13-2011, 12:42 PM
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Don't be fooled.
She absolutely is attached to you.
She knows she can count on you, and is in a way taking your steadiness for granted. So she is spending some energy flirting it up with your BF... trying to form a bond with him too. She wants security with everyone she meets. New people are always something to be curious about for a puppy. They want to get to know them.

And about her ducking away, I would echo Tulip's sentiment. It's not about if she likes you or not. She's just trying to keep having fun.

You can bet that if you left her with someone else for 24 hours, she would be ecstatic to see you.

Don't worry. You will have a dog very attached to you. Stay the course and have faith!
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Old 02-13-2011, 12:45 PM
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Just one more thing. It's actually a good thing she's not clingy to you at this age. That can be an indication of a shy temperament. The fact she is outgoing towards other people is very good. Our Tessa was pretty clingy to me and to Doug as a youngster. She is more outgoing now that's she's grown up, but her basic nature is a bit timid, sometimes even fearful of new people, which makes some parts of life challenging. So count yourself fortunate that your pup's inborn temperament is more solid.
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Old 02-13-2011, 12:56 PM
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You can bet that if you left her with someone else for 24 hours, she would be ecstatic to see you.
I really hope so! My bf has a very small appreciation and understanding of what I go through with this puppy. He thinks that having a puppy is nothing more than feeding and playing with it. He calls her his dog, but she's not--she's my dog. I told him that if he wants to start thinking of her as partly his dog too, he can start out by keeping her for 3 days straight without my help so he can understand what it's really like. I'd like to think that she'd be happy to see me at the end of that.
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Old 02-13-2011, 01:17 PM
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I really hope so! My bf has a very small appreciation and understanding of what I go through with this puppy. He thinks that having a puppy is nothing more than feeding and playing with it. He calls her his dog, but she's not--she's my dog. I told him that if he wants to start thinking of her as partly his dog too, he can start out by keeping her for 3 days straight without my help so he can understand what it's really like. I'd like to think that she'd be happy to see me at the end of that.
Sounds like a plan! It would be an education for both of them!
Although, I'm not sure you could stand to be without the little one for that long!
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Old 02-13-2011, 01:23 PM
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Sounds like a plan! It would be an education for both of them!
Although, I'm not sure you could stand to be without the little one for that long!
Haha you think so? I often wonder if I'd do okay with being temporarily separated from her. When she's acting up and being a pill, I usually think "omg I just wanna give her to someone else for a few days!" but then as soon as I leave the house and go out with my friends, I miss her sooo much. Confession: I almost cried at the bar last weekend because I got drunk and missed my pup
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Old 02-13-2011, 01:37 PM
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That's what my stepdad tells me - 'Beth, I think you have seperation anxiety with the dogs. I'm going to start ignoring you when you talk about them when we're out.'
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Old 02-13-2011, 01:45 PM
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I have the opposite problem... Cattle dogs are often called shadow dogs or velcro dogs...I have a velcro dog... she loves other people and will gladly great them and play for a bit... then she looks over at me and its like "sorry... my mommy looks lonely" and prances over... Its super cute the look she gives, but some days its like LOOK IM 5ft AWAY GO PLAY!
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