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my first puppy is making me overwhelmed

This is a discussion on my first puppy is making me overwhelmed within the Puppy Help forums, part of the Dog Training and Behavior category; I started feeling crappy about it again yesterday. EVERYone that meets Bentley LOVES him, my mom friends at the school, the boarding place I took ...

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Old 10-18-2011, 06:11 AM
  #81
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I started feeling crappy about it again yesterday. EVERYone that meets Bentley LOVES him, my mom friends at the school, the boarding place I took him to so he could be evaluated for when we go out of town, they all love him so much. like are all over him ooing and ahhing.. cuddling saying they want him ect.. I don't feel it? I mean sure he is nice.. and cute, but he is just a puppy. It all makes me feel bad, like I don't feel in love with him. In fact I basically am tolerating him at this point. I set up the pen so I could get work done but he cries and whines the whole time he is in there. Which makes it hard to get work done.

I was grumpy this morning when I woke up to take care of him. My husband told me to take him back, because he is sick of me being miserable about the dog. I am trying to not act all miserable in front of bentley. But I bet he can tell I feel deep down I made a big mistake. I also know that if one health issue comes up that we can't afford to handle it till next wed. Because we are spent our vet budget for the month in one week.

Honestly the only reason I have not brought him back is two reasons, My family is very involved with animal rescue, and I was raised to never return a pet, to make it work no matter what, which I always have done in some pretty awful cat situations. and the second is that I know how upset the kids will be, I do not have the heart to break their little hearts and watch them cry as we drive away from him.

Probably couldnt even do it because he would look at me with that face and guilt me out of it.

I just wish there was some way to do a puppy trial before getting one so you would know if you really wanted to have one. like try it for 2 weeks, then return the dog and decide if puppy ownership is for you.

because I am doing all the physical things to take care of this puppy, but I do not feel any connection to him at all. he has puppy class tonight. and I am worried it won't go well cause I can't connect with him.
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Old 10-18-2011, 06:25 AM
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I guess I just want to know how long it will take before I stop regretting getting a dog?
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Old 10-18-2011, 07:51 AM
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If you dont already have it, i would suggest pet insurance as then you dont have to worry too much about the vets bills.

I think at the moment the problem is you are giving bentley more than he is giving you. I found that the housebraking stage (which took forever for us) was the hardest. the amount of arguements me and the OH had because of the housebraking issues was rediculous. In fact i remember leaving my friends house as i'd had a phone call to say the dog had peed on the floor and if she didnt stop soon we were getting rid!

now they are best friends.

I think you really should persevere with him. work on the seperation anxiety that he seems to have with the pen, to make it easier for you. try some yummy chews etc to keep him quiet. once you've got the housetraining down things will get easier and soon he'll be able to go on walks, which will tire him out, make him sleep and therefore less under your feet.

once you see that all your hard work is paying off (which it will), i think you will start to bond and be more positive. its just at the moment, you are working hard for little or no reward purely because he's a baby. wait till he starts developing a little personality and when you can go for walks as a family, outside where he can run around with the kids and learn fetch!
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Old 10-18-2011, 08:55 AM
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I'll say it again: I feel your main problem here isn't the dog.. it's your husband.

You can sit here and tell me all you like that he isn't, but I'm just getting that vibe every time you talk about him. So I'll risk being wrong in favor of speaking up and calling it a hunch.

That being said, if I'm right, you can't change him.. so either you have to admit you're basically alone in this, or you'll have to take the puppy back.

I also wanted to ask you if you happen to struggle with depression at all? Because I've owned a puppy during a period of time where my mental health issues were out of control, and it was very similar to this situation: Getting overwhelmed easily, even to the point of tears, getting frustrated easily, not feeling bonded to the dog, and so on..

Even if none of this is the case, the point actually still remains true: The problem here isn't the dog, but rather the humans in the house. Something isn't right.. and I don't live your life so I can't tell you what that is, be it depression or unhelpful and/or negative family members or any other situation we don't know about it, but I can tell you that the problem is not the dog, and I'm sure you probably already know that.

As a result, if you must return the dog, consider it only for the fact that you understand the dog will get a better life elsewhere. Remember that dogs don't hate.. the dog won't "hate" you for what you do here. He won't resent you, hate you, or feel the kind of animosity toward you that you probably think he will. These are all human emotions that do not translate into the dog world.

If you feel you cannot do this? I think now is as good a time as any to realize it, because the pup is still very young and will easily find a great loving home I'm sure where he will bond with a new family.

I assume the pup would go back to the breeder anyway so it isn't as though it would go to a shelter.
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Old 10-18-2011, 08:57 AM
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it was just a rough morning. I feel better now, I am making my whole family come to puppy class tonight so we all get on the same page... DH thinks if he is crying that we need to give him attention, I think you need to ignore him till he stops.

he peed in his crate again though while I was gone.. I wonder why he is starting that up? It is a new thing. I took the bedding out for now.
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Old 10-18-2011, 09:00 AM
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I have mild ocd but it is not flaring up right now. My husband is a huge problem, he swore up and down he knew how to handle dogs, he had 3 growing up.. he is doing so much wrong it kills me, the inconsistency is going to mess up poor bentley more than anything. Bentley is a great puppy, totally not him.

I want us all to go to puppy class together then maybe he will get it.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sendiulino View Post
I'll say it again: I feel your main problem here isn't the dog.. it's your husband.

You can sit here and tell me all you like that he isn't, but I'm just getting that vibe every time you talk about him. So I'll risk being wrong in favor of speaking up and calling it a hunch.

That being said, if I'm right, you can't change him.. so either you have to admit you're basically alone in this, or you'll have to take the puppy back.

I also wanted to ask you if you happen to struggle with depression at all? Because I've owned a puppy during a period of time where my mental health issues were out of control, and it was very similar to this situation: Getting overwhelmed easily, even to the point of tears, getting frustrated easily, not feeling bonded to the dog, and so on..

Even if none of this is the case, the point actually still remains true: The problem here isn't the dog, but rather the humans in the house. Something isn't right.. and I don't live your life so I can't tell you what that is, be it depression or unhelpful and/or negative family members or any other situation we don't know about it, but I can tell you that the problem is not the dog, and I'm sure you probably already know that.

As a result, if you must return the dog, consider it only for the fact that you understand the dog will get a better life elsewhere. Remember that dogs don't hate.. the dog won't "hate" you for what you do here. He won't resent you, hate you, or feel the kind of animosity toward you that you probably think he will. These are all human emotions that do not translate into the dog world.

If you feel you cannot do this? I think now is as good a time as any to realize it, because the pup is still very young and will easily find a great loving home I'm sure where he will bond with a new family.

I assume the pup would go back to the breeder anyway so it isn't as though it would go to a shelter.
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Old 10-18-2011, 09:20 AM
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I have mild ocd but it is not flaring up right now. My husband is a huge problem, he swore up and down he knew how to handle dogs, he had 3 growing up.. he is doing so much wrong it kills me, the inconsistency is going to mess up poor bentley more than anything. Bentley is a great puppy, totally not him.

I want us all to go to puppy class together then maybe he will get it.
Of course DH thinks we should not all go together cause of the kids.. great.
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Old 10-18-2011, 02:44 PM
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Ok I found out that the class does not allow kids to attend anyways. so I am going tonight, I have lots of questions to ask. I want to make sure it is ok that he plays in a play pen and that we can't always play with him the whole time, and that it is ok that he cries in there and whines. I want to make sure I am not some sort of horrible dog owner.
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Old 10-18-2011, 04:26 PM
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Ok I found out that the class does not allow kids to attend anyways. so I am going tonight, I have lots of questions to ask. I want to make sure it is ok that he plays in a play pen and that we can't always play with him the whole time, and that it is ok that he cries in there and whines. I want to make sure I am not some sort of horrible dog owner.
It's a puppy Of course it will whine and cry when you aren't there.. and every time the dog whines, if you pet it or pick it up, you reinforce the behavior essentially telling the dog "good dog" when it cries. Definitely not the route you wanna take.

The only way the dog learns to be alone? Is to leave the dog alone. Then you come back, and the puppy learns over time "Oh, when my human leaves, she always comes back. No big deal, I'll just play with these toys for awhile."

But it takes time.
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Old 10-18-2011, 04:30 PM
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It's a puppy Of course it will whine and cry when you aren't there.. and every time the dog whines, if you pet it or pick it up, you reinforce the behavior essentially telling the dog "good dog" when it cries. Definitely not the route you wanna take.

The only way the dog learns to be alone? Is to leave the dog alone. Then you come back, and the puppy learns over time "Oh, when my human leaves, she always comes back. No big deal, I'll just play with these toys for awhile."

But it takes time.
see that makes me feel better.. We leave for puppy class in half an hr and I was going to ask that. hubs says that it is like a child.. when my kids were little and crying I always went to them and comforted them and held them, and checked to see what they needed ect.. I told him that a dog was different than a child, and he told me that no it isn't, I told him they call it raising a child, and training a puppy cause they are two different things. He will go to class next tues and maybe he will learn too.
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