Update And A Tough Decision

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Update And A Tough Decision

This is a discussion on Update And A Tough Decision within the New Additions forums, part of the Keeping and Caring for Dogs category; I just really need to get this off of my chest and vent. If you think I made a mistake, that's all right, but please ...

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Old 12-22-2015, 04:21 PM
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Update And A Tough Decision

I just really need to get this off of my chest and vent. If you think I made a mistake, that's all right, but please keep it to yourself. This situation really hurts. I feel horrible and empty right now and not really sure what I should do with myself. I've told myself my decision was for the best, as has everyone else I know irl, but I'm still struggling...

After 3 months of depression and anxiety over my puppy, I decided it was better for her to be re homed by the breeder. I hit a wall. No matter what I did, I couldn't make this dog happy. She was extremely difficult to engage with. The longer I had her, the more I felt like I was just taking care of someone else's aloof dog... I felt like I was doing everything wrong, even though I KNOW I was doing things right, but I was completely alone in dealing with these feelings of nervousness and regret every hour of every day. My boyfriend couldn't offer any help and I asked him time and time again if he was okay with the situation, and even though he said "yes", I still felt like I was making him miserable by ME being miserable and thus probably making the dog miserable. I don't know... I feel like I absolutely failed.

On top of all this, the breeder seems to now think I've done something horrible to this puppy because she's very VERY shy. Absolute rubbish considering I was with her almost 24-7, socialized her, treated her like gold, and brought her out of her shell MYSELF (she was always way happier being with strangers... just... a really weird dog compared to my past experiences). I did more for this girl than most people I know who have dogs. I'm VERY dedicated to all of my pets. She was ALWAYS shy. That's part of her personality.... she never did handle new situations very well. So now I feel like a complete ******* who should probably never consider owning a dog again.... but at the same time.... no. She wasn't a good fit. Period. It's nothing I've done and nothing anyone did. I just wanted this dog to be HAPPY! She clearly wasn't with me and deserved better. I was getting sick with worry over her and trying to make this work. Am I supposed to kill myself over this? We didn't click from day one, but I thought if I just stuck it out, things would change.... I was wrong. And none of the responsibility of training and managing a dog is what put me off. I'm TOTALLY up for that... but... not with her for some reason I can't fathom... I suck.

So, lesson learned. Not every dog is compatible with every person. Next time, if there is a next time, I will be visiting the puppies and letting them choose ME before I commit to bringing one into my life. Also, this was probably the wrong breed for me... maybe. I know German Shepherds inside and out. English Bulldogs, not so much. They're still great dogs and I still really like them, but I'd probably have been better off with a Shepp...

Ugh... I'm sorry this post is kind of all over the place. I'm still really torn up about everything and doing my best not to beat myself up over it.
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Old 12-22-2015, 04:57 PM
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It is never easy to let a pet go. Most people feel they let a pet down if they rehome them.

Sounds as if you have made the right decision though. Not much point you being miserable and feeling that you are a failure, if as you suspect that dog was not right for you or you for him. Stop feeling guilty. Better luck next time, when the time is right for you to start looking again.
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Old 12-22-2015, 05:08 PM
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Don't feel bad. I know you gave it a really good try, and I do think maybe you were a little unfamiliar with the breed. Bullies are characters, they're just not for everyone.

I hope in the future, you WILL get another dog, and you can use this experience as a learning tool. I will say however, I would totally expect you to not click with future puppies right away as well. It is totally common. I cried all the time with Levi, wondering why this puppy didn't love me. Now I can't get him to leave me alone. :P

I'm sorry the breeder gave you a hard time, there is nothing so hard as re-homing a pet. I do SERIOUSLY think, that EB are not great dogs for everyone. My friend owns two EB, two Bostons, and one Frenchie. They're cute, but I could never have one. I'll pretty much take any member of the herding group.

Don't beat yourself up, if it wasn't working, it wasn't working.
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Old 12-22-2015, 05:23 PM
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you're right. Not all dogs suit all people. I'm sorry you're going through this, but sometimes it's the right decision. It gets better with the right dog. If you like Shepherds, get a shep! And I will always want to pick out my own pup, not let someone else pick it for me, I agree with you there too.
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Old 12-22-2015, 06:12 PM
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Thanks, folks. I really needed some confirmation that I did the right thing and I'm not crazy. This was, at the very least, a good learning experience. When I'm ready and the time is right, I'll get a Shep and go about doing so differently. It'll take a bit for the guilt to subside, but I'm not gonna let it prevent me from eventually finding the right dog down the road

And yeah, EBs are great dogs for sure, just maybe not for everyone. I wish I'd known more people with them. The people I knew who DO have them always told me nothing but the positives (of course they did) and I did massive amounts of research thinking I had the right breed for me. Live and learn I guess!
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Old 12-22-2015, 07:21 PM
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It's still possible they are the right breed for you ... Just not that specific dog.
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Old 12-22-2015, 07:30 PM
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I believe that you are making the right decision for both yourself and your puppy. I've read so many of your posts, and I know that you have done your best. I agree that not all owners and not all dogs are going to be great matches. By giving up your puppy now, you're giving her a chance to find a family that she can bond with.

You can find my own dog history by reading through the threads I've started here. My first dog, a Great Pyrenees mix from a local shelter, turned out to be a very poor fit for me and my family. I spent many hours every day for two months doing my best to train and exercise him, but it was never enough, and we never bonded. Luckily, I was able to place him into a no-kill shelter and he was adopted three hours later!

Despite having rehomed home, I continued to be an active member on this site, and that helped me immensely when I was ready to adopt again. Now I have a wonderful little dog who is a perfect match for me. He and I bonded much more deeply within five minutes of my interacting with him through the bars of his kennel at the shelter than I ever did with my first dog. He is a terrific companion, and I'm glad that I brought him home.

Hang in there. You're doing the right thing. I have no doubt about it.
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Old 12-22-2015, 08:33 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Redwood View Post
It's still possible they are the right breed for you ... Just not that specific dog.
This. She sounds particularly shy-why could be partly breeding, too, and just unfortunate circumstances. You may have taken things too fast for her-especially since she was a particularly shy pup to start with, which could have compounded things. Either way, this sounds like the right decision even though it's like eating nails and you're not a bad person because of this. It just was a poor match and you dealt with it as well as you could be expected to.

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Old 12-22-2015, 10:36 PM
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Thanks again, everyone ^^
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Old 12-23-2015, 04:18 AM
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I think for this breed you've got to click with them...they're special and they're not the easiest to train... they seem to be pretty sensitive to me, but also a bit more distant and independent than for example some herders (who'd totally get on the nerves of some of the bully owners).
And especially after owning a German Shepherd, who bring completely different challenges and positive sides with them, it is probably not easy.

perhaps another breed would actually be better.
I'd give yourself time... perhaps think about just being a dog walker in a local shelter for a while until the defeat doesn't hurt so much anymore.
perhaps then, after having griefed about the situation, you can also find an older dog, of which you can already estimate more of the personality and if it "clicks" with you.
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