I miss her so much and feel so guilty

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I miss her so much and feel so guilty

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Old 10-18-2018, 02:14 AM
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I miss her so much and feel so guilty

I adopted a 4.5 month old puppy shortly after we had to euthanize our golden because of cancer. This puppy was shy and submissive, but had some resource guarding issues. We worked on it with a positive reinforcement trainer and greatly improved her resource guarding around humans (which was pretty mild), it basically became a non-issue. We had another old dog, who she loved and they played nicely together, and 3 indoor cats, who she also got along with well when no resources were around. The way our household is set up is not ideal for a dog with resource guarding issues. The cats have access everywhere nd are used to cat-loving dogs. Our puppy didn’t like the cats walking around the kitchen (even though it was off limits to her), she didn’t like the animals walking near her crate or towards it at all, or towards the dining table or couch where I sometimes ate snacks, not to mention her food or water bowl. She charged at the cat walking into the kitchen once, but fortunately I stopped her. She also hovered over another one as he walked around the living room near the couch she guarded and began to lunge and snap at him as I pulled her away. After a couple of these events, I was too scared to let her be unattended and unleashed around the cats, so her and our quality of life wasn’t great. She had snapped at other dogs in public before, but for the most part loved other dogs, until she felt resources were threatened. She was also very very territorial of our property, including the car, and would bark and snarl excessively at people or dogs passing by. Because of this behavior, I couldn’t ask others for help in her care like I was planning when I got her, and she had to be in a kennel when I was at work, although I let her out on my lunch break and before and after work. Looking back, this may have been enough for her to live a decent life, but I chose to rehome her because I wanted more freedom for her, less stress for me, and more safety for our other animals and neighbors. Although she was the sweetest angel much of the time, there were behaviors that made it impossible to relax in our own home around the other animals. I loved her dearly and it was the hardest thing I ever had to do. I thought about moving away from home sooner than expected and finding my own place where her and I could just live together without other animals around, but it wasn’t realistic. We rehomed her with someone who I vetted extensively. I visited his home, had him fortify his fencing, made sure he had no other indoor animals, he also had no neighbors, was home all day, and immediately loved her and planned to take her to the beach and to parks. I fully disclosed all of her behavior, and sent him the homework we had been doing with her trainer so he could continue it, which he was willing to do. He even offered to let me visit her whenever I wanted and take her on hikes, etc. It seemed perfect for her... until it wasn’t. My darling baby escaped out the front door of his house just 1.5 weeks after we dropped her off and was hit by a car and killed. I am completely devastated. It took everything in me to not ask for her back everyday after I rehomed her, but I wanted to see how it went and was advised by others to live with my decision for a while before making the decision to ask for her back. I was selfishly a little relieved that I didn’t have to stress about her behavior anymore. It turned out to be the worst decision I ever made. She has been gone for nearly two months and I cry everyday and think about her all the time. I cannot get over it. I was incredibly bonded to her and I cannot believe what I did. I loved her so much, and I wish I had just kept her.
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Old 10-19-2018, 03:06 AM
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I'm so sorry for your loss. You didn't do anything wrong, at all. You worked with her. You still loved her even though she had to be rehomed. Grief over a lost dog can be just as great as a lost person. I'm so sorry.
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