On Friday, I was out with a friend so my mom fed my golden for me around 7pm.
I came back home with my friend and we went up to my room with my dog. Sometimes I can be playfully rough with my dog - never in an abusive way of course - but just with hug-tackling him, or just curling him up next to me.
When I got back, he was breathing heavy out of excitement to see my friend and I. I hadn't seen him all day so when he was sitting and I just kind of grabbed him from behind and hugged him gently. But then I got so, so excited to see him that I pulled him back (in a trust fall type of motion) and next thing we knew, he was laying on top of me and I was just hugging and holding him and we ended up cuddling. This happened around 8:30, so about an hour and a half after feeding.
Anyway, my dog got really sick that night. I can't remember if he was breathing before or after I trust-fall-hugged him, but all night long he could not breathe right. He was gasping for breath (I provided videos of how he was breathing). Around 4am, he woke up literally gasping for air, and as we were about to jump to take him to the emergency vet, he threw up a SOLID BLOCK of kibble (pictures below.) I mean this was stuck inside of his esophagus or something -- anyway the minute he threw it all up his breathing was 75% better. The next morning he started breathing funky again and we took him into the vet. We got all these extensive tests done and the blood work revealed he had some sort of infection. He is now on antibiotics and doing a lot better- breathing a lot better too.
I am going insane trying to remember if he was breathing weird before or after I hugged him and pulled him back. Is there any chance this was my fault? Is there any chance me pulling him back like that shot his food up and caused him to choke and have all this pain? I canNOT remember for the life of me when the breathing started.. before or after I came home.
I can't remember. My head is spinning in circles. I feel like the most awful, undeserving person ever. He loves so unconditionally, he's so perfect, what if I hurt him? Do I not deserve him anymore? Is this my fault? I feel so guilty.. I never, ever wanted to hurt my baby.
I'm crying so much and I can't look my dog in the eye anymore... Is it possible this is my fault? Am I an abusive owner? Does my dog deserve someone better than me?
Update; sorry I wasn’t able to post pictures and videos on the thread.