Please help. My new marriage is in serious trouble. I am pushing for counseling and dog training to address the situation but my husband is in denial of the problem. We are having a dog trainer come for the 2nd time this week. The first training didn't do much - it was more for my husband than anyone and everything just went in one ear and out the other. I am not hopeful for the next trainer to do much unless his attitude changes!
There are 2 big problems (though many many other smaller less urgent ones): the dog does not like my toddler (or babies/kids in general), and the dog has separation anxiety so I can't even separate the dog from the situation. If I separate the dog, the dog goes absolutely nuts. She sounds like she is in physical pain when separated from people. And to top it off, my husband encourages the behavior. She was outside for 10 minutes last night and he said, "her feelings are hurt being away from us." I am not confident that we can correct the separation anxiety. Both because my husband is only half-heartedly trying to help the problem, and because the dog is seriously distressed when alone. I really think she is just a velcro-dog breed.
The dog snaps at my son all the time, and has bitten me once (no broken skin). She doesn't like being petted on her back, even if done gently. At the park my husband lets little children pet the dog, and she is stiff as a board the whole time usually. This past weekend, a 1.5 year old child leaned on her tail and the dog snarled viciously and snapped at her.
I keep telling my husband it's not smart to let kids pet the dog but he thinks it won't ever result in a real bite. Maybe it won't? But how can you be sure!
I'd be more okay with the situation if I could keep the dog and my toddler apart, but that's not an option either!
He has pretty much stated very plainly that he would divorce me before rehoming the dog. I'm very much into having a dog for life, but we have the option of rehoming his dog to his parents, with his handicapped father who loves the dog dearly (and it was so good for the father to have the dog around) and spent all day with the dog, versus the dog living with two very busy working professionals who are never home. The dog is lonely living with us.
For the most part, my son is very gentle with the dog. It's not like she snaps when she's being hurt. It's anytime she's being touched and she doesn't want it. I was bitten by her when I picked her up, after she had gotten loose and was running in the road. If you hold her by the collar, she bites. If you need to move her, she snaps.
The problem is compounded by the fact that my son is not my husband's child. So I understand he is closer to the dog than to my child at this point. But we are also looking to have children of our own, and soon, as we are both in our 30's. The dog is expected to live another 15 years (she's only 3 and a small breed).
What do I do? Is there hope for the situation? Is there a way to "kid-proof" her? I really just think that some dogs are not good with children due to temperament. I'm really scared the dog will bite a child in the street one of these days, and where we live there are no second chances, the dog will be put down. I don't blame the dog, I blame my husband for not training her and not having boundaries with her (she has been super spoiled and done whatever she wants for 3 years so I think she has some confusion about where she is in the "pack").
Is a 3 year old dog able to change? Either to tolerate children better, or to tolerate being alone in the yard or in a different room?
Help?? Any advice is much appreciated. Really looking for all to have the best outcome.
(PS I know it's important to train children to be gentle with dogs, but you can't trust a child with anything in the first few years of life, no matter how well you discipline them! And a 1.5 year old has no concept of gentle/roughness yet. There is also no way to supervise fully - for example, the 1.5 year old at the park, there were 3 of us within 1 foot and the snap happened so fast that none of us had time to react and stop if it had been a real bite...)
There are 2 big problems (though many many other smaller less urgent ones): the dog does not like my toddler (or babies/kids in general), and the dog has separation anxiety so I can't even separate the dog from the situation. If I separate the dog, the dog goes absolutely nuts. She sounds like she is in physical pain when separated from people. And to top it off, my husband encourages the behavior. She was outside for 10 minutes last night and he said, "her feelings are hurt being away from us." I am not confident that we can correct the separation anxiety. Both because my husband is only half-heartedly trying to help the problem, and because the dog is seriously distressed when alone. I really think she is just a velcro-dog breed.
The dog snaps at my son all the time, and has bitten me once (no broken skin). She doesn't like being petted on her back, even if done gently. At the park my husband lets little children pet the dog, and she is stiff as a board the whole time usually. This past weekend, a 1.5 year old child leaned on her tail and the dog snarled viciously and snapped at her.
I keep telling my husband it's not smart to let kids pet the dog but he thinks it won't ever result in a real bite. Maybe it won't? But how can you be sure!
I'd be more okay with the situation if I could keep the dog and my toddler apart, but that's not an option either!
He has pretty much stated very plainly that he would divorce me before rehoming the dog. I'm very much into having a dog for life, but we have the option of rehoming his dog to his parents, with his handicapped father who loves the dog dearly (and it was so good for the father to have the dog around) and spent all day with the dog, versus the dog living with two very busy working professionals who are never home. The dog is lonely living with us.
For the most part, my son is very gentle with the dog. It's not like she snaps when she's being hurt. It's anytime she's being touched and she doesn't want it. I was bitten by her when I picked her up, after she had gotten loose and was running in the road. If you hold her by the collar, she bites. If you need to move her, she snaps.
The problem is compounded by the fact that my son is not my husband's child. So I understand he is closer to the dog than to my child at this point. But we are also looking to have children of our own, and soon, as we are both in our 30's. The dog is expected to live another 15 years (she's only 3 and a small breed).
What do I do? Is there hope for the situation? Is there a way to "kid-proof" her? I really just think that some dogs are not good with children due to temperament. I'm really scared the dog will bite a child in the street one of these days, and where we live there are no second chances, the dog will be put down. I don't blame the dog, I blame my husband for not training her and not having boundaries with her (she has been super spoiled and done whatever she wants for 3 years so I think she has some confusion about where she is in the "pack").
Is a 3 year old dog able to change? Either to tolerate children better, or to tolerate being alone in the yard or in a different room?
Help?? Any advice is much appreciated. Really looking for all to have the best outcome.
(PS I know it's important to train children to be gentle with dogs, but you can't trust a child with anything in the first few years of life, no matter how well you discipline them! And a 1.5 year old has no concept of gentle/roughness yet. There is also no way to supervise fully - for example, the 1.5 year old at the park, there were 3 of us within 1 foot and the snap happened so fast that none of us had time to react and stop if it had been a real bite...)