How to prepare for the inevitable with an elderly dog

amz155 · 08-24-2010, 12:39 PM

I know this is a terrible topic and I hope I don't upset anybody by posting but its something that has been bothering me of late....

My parents have a 15 year old MiniSchnauzer (I have my own 4 year old). Over the years she has become more and more frail, skin and bones, and has a grade 4 heart murmur (for which she takes meds). She still does eat quite a bit but her appetite comes and goes. She does nothing but sleep all day. She doesn't have any other chronic health conditions but does appear like sorry little thing as she's skinny and doesn't like to be groomed so my parents haven't been able to have her face groomed for years. She doesn't really walk and soemtimes her legs lok so wobbly beneath her. She has the occasional energy to climb stairs.

My parents went away for 2 weeks and left their dog in my care. Then my mom sends me an email saying that if anything should happen to the dog while they are away my mom does not want to know about it. Though she wants to have the dog creamated and returned in an urn to her. Not that she is expecting the dog to pass but I guess its on the back of our family's minds for years now so she felt like she had to mention it "just in case".

I just felt so awful after reading the email. I mean, I also wonder daily how much longer Minnie will last but I guess for my mom to mention it was saddening.

Another thing that bothers me is that sometimes when Minnie sleeps she is hard to wake up. She has scared me a few times where I try to wake her and she doesn't budge and (this is terrible) I get scared and think she passed in her sleep

Minnie has been the first dog our family owned and seems like she's been there forever. I know we will all be devasted when nature takes its course but I seem to worry about it daily now.

How does one prepare for the inevitable? I'm not saying I expect the inevitable to happen soon any day or week or month now, but I fear it every day. How do I stop worrying about it? I mean, I know she's old and that she won't be with us forever but how can I prepare myself/family for the devastation?

Sigh.

**Cali** · 08-24-2010, 01:00 PM

I don't have much advice but I am in a similar boat. My pom is 15, I've had him most of my life. He lives with my mother and I was at her house the day before yesterday and she was complaining how he doesn't listen, doesn't come when he's called etc. He was on his bed looking the opposite direction from us, so I called his name. Nothing. Clapped my hands. Nothing. Jingled keys, whistled. No response. Walked over to him and touched him and he looked started, turned around and wagged his tail. Aside from being deaf his eyes are cloudy, his back legs are failing, he sleeps all the time. It's hard to see.
There's not really anything you can do to fully prepare for it, it's going to be hard no matter what. With my little guy, I'm planning on making his last days/weeks/months/years as happy and comfortable as possible.
You could make a scrapbook for your mom, gather a bunch of old photos and new ones.. I'm sure someone else will have some ideas too.
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amz155 · 08-24-2010, 04:10 PM

Thanks for reading. Your idea of the scrapbook is a great one.
I need ideas on how to spoil Minnie; its just that she doesn't seem to enjoy much anymore bc she is just sleeping most of the time. She loves milkbones and liver treats, but I just don't wanna overload with those and make her tummy hurt.

**Cali** · 08-24-2010, 04:16 PM

Does she like to go places? My boy gets excited about car rides, he likes to be involved in outings just like when he was younger, we just make it shorter so that he doesn't get overtired.
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pawzaddict · 08-24-2010, 04:34 PM

its never something you can be prepared for. I've had dogs be put down and dogs go on their own. Both are tough and it never gets easier. I like the scrap book idea. I always take mind for a ride or if they like the pool I hold them in there and I sing a lot so I would sing a lullaby. Literally I'd do this daily when it got to the point where it was "any day now" or if we had a planned PTS that week. Doing this stuff as well as remember them constantly and talk about them in happy memories always helps too (well at least for me it does)
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iheartminischnauzers · 08-26-2010, 02:24 AM

I think everyone is different. For me, if I know a dog is getting up in age, I get a new dog before the elderly dog passes. I don't do this to replace the dog I currently had, because that is not possible, nor fair to the new puppy. I do it because it gives me something to focus on during a difficult time. If I have housetraining and bonding to worry about, I dont have as much time for grief. That is not to say that I don't cry and sit graveside, because I still go through the normal stages of grief, but I don't find myself stuck there. I eventually heal. In the past, when I have lost a dog and decided to wait to get another one, I have lingered in the grief stage far too long.

This doesn't work for everyone though. For many people, the problem with this solution is comparing the new puppy to the previous pet, and there are no two dogs who are exactly alike. Its always wiser to get the new puppy before the current dog passes away. This gives new owners a chance to accept the fact that both dogs have different personalities. I think that the scrapbook idea is a very good one, and something that could begin before she passes away so that it is completed when she goes to rainbow bridge. Just remember that it is ok to grieve, and try and keep lines of communication open when it happens. Talking and having support is number one during the process.

Alethea · 08-26-2010, 02:16 PM

That actually happened to me a week ago. I was watching my mom's cat who we knew would pass away soon, (17 years old) and he passed while they were gone for the weekend. it was horrible.

We prepared by taking pictures ALL the time before he did. When our dog passed away we had no pictures as memories, and it broke our hearts.

amz155 · 08-28-2010, 12:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by iheartminischnauzers

I think everyone is different. For me, if I know a dog is getting up in age, I get a new dog before the elderly dog passes. I don't do this to replace the dog I currently had, because that is not possible, nor fair to the new puppy. I do it because it gives me something to focus on during a difficult time. If I have housetraining and bonding to worry about, I dont have as much time for grief. That is not to say that I don't cry and sit graveside, because I still go through the normal stages of grief, but I don't find myself stuck there. I eventually heal. In the past, when I have lost a dog and decided to wait to get another one, I have lingered in the grief stage far too long.

This doesn't work for everyone though. For many people, the problem with this solution is comparing the new puppy to the previous pet, and there are no two dogs who are exactly alike. Its always wiser to get the new puppy before the current dog passes away. This gives new owners a chance to accept the fact that both dogs have different personalities. I think that the scrapbook idea is a very good one, and something that could begin before she passes away so that it is completed when she goes to rainbow bridge. Just remember that it is ok to grieve, and try and keep lines of communication open when it happens. Talking and having support is number one during the process.

Actually I think this is quite common and I've heard of many people getting new dogs as their older dog got old and/or ill. Its not really an option for my folks as I don't think they will want another dog.

My latest thoughts have not about "if" it will happen but "when". I've become obsessed (well not really, just for lack of a better word) with thinking about when it will happen. Will I try to wake her in the morning and she won't? Will she tumble down a set of stairs? Will it happen while I'm at work and my own dog will be left heartbroken as he watches? I know, terrible thoughts but I can't help it.

amz155 · 08-28-2010, 12:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Alethea

That actually happened to me a week ago. I was watching my mom's cat who we knew would pass away soon, (17 years old) and he passed while they were gone for the weekend. it was horrible.

We prepared by taking pictures ALL the time before he did. When our dog passed away we had no pictures as memories, and it broke our hearts.

That's terrible and I'm very sorry for your loss. Can't even imagine what you all went through.

Surprised to hear you had no pics of your own dog. I takes pics of my own daily. Just can't help it as he does so many funny/silly/cute things.

dogsrock · 08-29-2010, 01:31 PM

I don’t think anyone can truly be prepared for when a loved one passes, even if they lived a full life. All you can really do is enjoy each day you have with her and make the rest of her time here as comfortable as possible. I like the scrap book idea. Might even consider purchasing some books on Pet loss. Death is a universal experience it will happen to us all (living creatures). Death is really the only thing guaranteed in this life. All we can do is cherish every day with our loved ones be they human or animal.